Quote:
|
Originally Posted by hawkeye Why do you think you turned out queer (Gay, lesbian, bi, etc)? |
Good question. It's something I have thought about in the past, but not recently. I think once you reach the stage where you are totally accepting of who you are, you stop questioning such things because it no longer matters to you. I did anyway.
For a while I thought it was due to boarding school. I went to a small all-boys boarding school from ages 11 to 16, and a certain about of "sexual experimentation" took place between us. Some was older boys offering younger boys sweets etc in return for favours (which is how I got involved initially), but most was between lads of similar ages. With this going on, which I enjoyed greatly, I assumed for several years after leaving school that this was the cause of the feelings I had. At this stage I was denying I was gay, convinced that if I met the right girl everything would be wonderful, but was blaming the school events for holding me back and making me not attracted to girls.
As I started to come out to myself in my mid-20s I began to realise that there was more to it than the solely physical events at boarding school. Thinking about other parts of my life, before and after boarding school, I began to realise that I had always been this way but that the boarding school events had awoken my interest rather earlier and more abruptly than would have otherwise been the case. I now believe that I was born gay, the same as some people are born left-handed, and it's just how I am.
As an aside, it is interesting to contrast what I experienced at boarding school in the late 70s with how people would react today. Could a 16 year old get away with giving an 11 year old a packet of sweets in return for a hand-job today? I don't think so. The 11 year old would be much more worldly wise and would know that this is completely inappropriate. Of course if there were threats and intimidation then the 11 year old may well keep quiet and let it continue, but there was none of this at my school. It was almost general knowledge that this is what these few 16 years olds did, and it was really no big deal. And to me as the 11 year old it was also no big deal either - I never felt like a "victim".
Nowadays the 11 year old would be made to be the victim and would probably have to go through counselling while his parents' lawyers dragged anyone they could blame through the courts. If I had been that 11 year old I would probably have been truely screwed up by the whole experience. But back then it happened, it's part of my life (and not even a bad part), and I carried on unbothered. It certainly hasn't scarred me in any way, and indeed I look back on the whole boarding school experience as a good part of my life.
Before anyone says anything, I am absolutely not advocating any form of unwanted sexual abuse or other abuse under any circumstances. I'm just wondering whether all cases really are as bad as the "experts" want to believe.
I'll get off my soapbox now, and let you all take this thread back on-topic!!
