In second or third grade we were let outside in the snow for recess. My friend was carving breasts into our igloo and complimenting them. In my head I said I would prefer a different, male body-part on the igloo. While walking back to class, I wondered why I didn't share his interest. It hit me then. I didn't like this conclusion but I accepted it during this time although there was still some doubt.
In fourth grade I was attracted to a kid in my class. After having a dream about this kid, I had another realization as if the first one didn't happen. It hit me harder this time. I told myself I would get over my male attraction and soon be straight.
This thought process led to around seventh grade. I thought that one day I would quit checking out guys and permanently be attracted to only girls. (The remainder of this paragraph might be a bit descriptive, sorry
.) I told myself I would quit masturbating to thoughts of males and think about females instead. I found it difficult to replace the sexes in my fantasies so I procastinated my attempts to switch sexualities. I eventually tried it a few times but the thoughts didn't arouse me. When I tried to do it I masturbated solely for the sensation.
Around seventh grade I accepted it but I was afraid of others' opinions. My inability to control my mannerisms took a toll on my ego. I felt like I couldn't hide my sexuality well so it wouldn't matter if I were somewhat flamboyant.
By ninth grade I had control of my mannerisms and could pass as straight, at least that's what I was told. :wink:
My memory's fuzzier than it seems. I know at times I would wonder why I wasn't attracted to females although I had established my sexuality. For example, when a girl asked me who I liked, I wondered why I didn't like any girls. It seems I forgot my sexuality a few times and had several realizations.