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joeyconnick · 10th May 2005, 08:37 PM

I have the best "realising you're gay" story ever. At least I think so. It's just so me.

So way back when I was 15 and in Grade 10, I was reading a fantasy novel by an author I had never read before, Mercedes Lackey. The book was called Magic's Pawn.

Anyway, I'm reading away, going through the first part of the book, and I'm thinking to myself, "Gee, I totally identify with this Vanyel guy" (the main character). Then I get to page 70 or so and *bam*, Vanyel comes out.

And I'm like... "Oh yeah, I was just relating to him because he felt so lonely and isolated. It's not that he was gay." (Oh my gosh I was the biggest denial case ever.)

Of course, I (avidly) continue reading the book, the next two books in the series, and pretty much everything Mercedes Lackey had written at that point, telling myself how cool I was because my classmates at my all-boys private school would have stopped reading as soon as it was revealed he liked boys.

And that is the story of how I realised I was gay at age 15 but didn't admit it, not even to myself, until I was nearly 20. Yeah, it's pretty tragic: I lodged myself in the closet quite firmly for nearly 5 years. And not that wussy closetness where people are like "I know I'm gay but I'm not gonna breathe a word of it." We're talking FULL METAL CLOSET here--total denial, I was straight. Really. And if it so happened that it was a lot easier to get off thinking about my classmates than it was thinking about girls, well... it was just that I envied their bodies. Sure. That's what it was. Envy. Ah yes... I was greener than Kermit The Frog.

I guess I wasn't as straight as I thought, though, cuz when I told one of my high school friends a few years after, he told me that me being gay was like him being Asian.

You can all

now. *grin*

Fantasy novels made me gay. I mean, he frickin' talks to a girly white horse with his mind. How gay is that?!

10th May 2005, 08:37 PM	#5
joeyconnick sine qua non Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Toronto, ON Posts: 3,332 Join Date: Apr 2005	I have the best "realising you're gay" story ever. At least I think so. It's just so me. So way back when I was 15 and in Grade 10, I was reading a fantasy novel by an author I had never read before, Mercedes Lackey. The book was called Magic's Pawn. Anyway, I'm reading away, going through the first part of the book, and I'm thinking to myself, "Gee, I totally identify with this Vanyel guy" (the main character). Then I get to page 70 or so and *bam, Vanyel comes out. And I'm like... "Oh yeah, I was just relating to him because he felt so lonely and isolated. It's not that he was gay." (Oh my gosh I was the biggest denial case ever.) Of course, I (avidly) continue reading the book, the next two books in the series, and pretty much everything Mercedes Lackey had written at that point, telling myself how cool I was because my classmates at my all-boys private school would have stopped reading as soon as it was revealed he liked boys. And that is the story of how I realised I was gay at age 15 but didn't admit it, not even to myself, until I was nearly 20. Yeah, it's pretty tragic: I lodged myself in the closet quite firmly for nearly 5 years. And not that wussy closetness where people are like "I know I'm gay but I'm not gonna breathe a word of it." We're talking FULL METAL CLOSET here--total denial, I was straight. Really. And if it so happened that it was a lot easier to get off thinking about my classmates than it was thinking about girls, well... it was just that I envied their bodies. Sure. That's what it was. Envy. Ah yes... I was greener than Kermit The Frog. I guess I wasn't as straight as I thought, though, cuz when I told one of my high school friends a few years after, he told me that me being gay was like him being Asian. You can all now. grin* Fantasy novels made me gay. I mean, he frickin' talks to a girly white horse with his mind. How gay is that?!