It's all contextual to me, although generally I don't like it when people use the various words as a noun to refer to me or single people: I'm uncomfortable with being a gay or a queer or a fag. However, I'm not as uncomfortable being a homo for some reason.
I think Margaret Cho impersonating her mother does the "the gays, they are so nice." "The gays" to me sounds bizarre, although one of my favourite organisations is Parents, Friends, and Families of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG).
Of course, I have no problem with "lesbian" as a noun, i.e. she's a lesbian. But to say "he's a gay" sounds rude. I'd love to read a linguistic study on why it seems more acceptable to use lesbian as both a noun and an adjective whereas the nominalisation of gay is somehow more problematic.
So I don't mind being gay, or even queer, but unless it's my friends calling me a fag, it kinda pisses me off.
And it's really fascinating if you start comparing and contrasting the usage of "fag" with the usage of "nigger." I mean, the N-word is the absolute best example in the world to refute someone who says, "Words are just words." Words are power.
What I do really hate, even though I realise that these days the bulk of people doing this are not even aware of what they're doing, is how "gay" is equated with "stupid" or "lame," particularly in high schools. I mean, it's fun to fool around with with my friends and breathlessly say things like, "Dude that's like, so gay!" but I can't imagine what it would be like to be closeted and have to hear people use gay that way multiple times a day. And really, if some moron says "That shirt is so gay," what on Earth is that supposed to mean? That the shirt likes to get it on with other shirts? That the shirt is gonna be good at cutting hair? That the shirt is getting more booty than the person who called it gay?
