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Old 9th Jan 2017, 06:59 AM   #1
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WhiteShadows's Avatar

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay but I don't know
Out Status: A few friends know that I'm confused
Location: Australia
Age: 20
Posts: 1,040
Join Date: Aug 2013

Help with this complicated friendship?

Ok, will try to make this short as possible, but there's a guy I've gotten close to and it's confusing me. Here are the main points:

- started as friends, and began to hang out a often, we both know the other is gay, and he's said flirty stuff to me
- very soon, we ended up making out...
- he was in a relationship, and said it was open, but I still felt confused b/c I didn't know if I felt ok doing stuff with him while he was in a relationship
- it was a weird relationship... like they only saw each other every 2 weeks...

- the guy he's seeing ends up being a total dick, and dumps him
- we kind of hookup and give each other handjobs, but then he goes a bit cold on me and sort of pretends it didn't happen...

- 2 weeks later, we go out together, make out, and hook up again, possibly fueled a bit by alcohol

- After that it starts to become a regular thing, and now we seem to be... sex buddies?

So here's the thing, I don't know what we are. I've even asked him and he hasn't given me a straight answer. We are very close friends, and we love each other... and we essentially do everything that boyfriends do... but we're not boyfriends...

The thing is, this whole time I've started to get some pretty strong feelings for him, and I mean, a solid part of me really wants a relationship with him. But, he seems so indecisive and not sure what he wants from me.

I guess I just don't know what to do. I don't really know what's on his mind. I do believe he genuinely cares about me, but possibly doesn't want more than just sex... which makes me sad. I mean, it could also be that he just needs time after his last disastrous relationship? and I'd be willing to give him that time, but only if I was sure that was all it was.

He has had very poor mental health in the past, and has only recently gotten healthy mentally, so that also may be playing a part.

I guess I'm scared if I just keep hooking up with him, hoping for a relationship in the future, one day I'll just find out that he's gotten involved with another guy/s. We haven't even discussed if the 'thing' we have at the moment is open or not.
I mean, I like doing stuff with him a lot, but this is always at the back of my mind. It would be pretty hard for me to decide to stop doing stuff with him, because we are such close friends now that hanging out with him would kill me with temptation

I think my plan for the moment is to maybe try to cut down on hooking up, give him a bit of space and then talk about it with him once he's had some more time to think. But what do you guys think?
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