think to myself that other women would kill to have b-friend like him so why can't I just be happy with what I have????
Doesn't mean you are defective, just means that guys are not for you
Like many have already said, don't beat yourself up for it. Ya, its definitely tough and it can feel like hell sometimes, but its not the end of the road just yet and you can make everything right if you want to. You already took the first step, so stick around, ask some questions, meet people and hopefully we can help make everything look as complicated.
Welcome to EC!