Originally Posted by electrolicious
Yaoi fans can still be homophobic, both towards gay men and lesbians. I mean, think of it this way: people have rape fantasies, but that doesn't mean they support rapists; it's a fantasy that they find arousing, not something they really want to happen to them/others in real life. Just because your aunt is attracted to the thought of two men together sexually, don't confuse that with being supportive. I feel I should throw that out there.
Yeah I understand that yoai doesn't equal support of gay rights, but the weird thing is my Aunt does support gay rights and actual gay people. She makes a big deal out of defending gay men online or making a fuss if someone makes fun of or talks badly about whatever out gay guy there is in Hollywood these days. The only lesbian I haven't heard her speak bad about it Ellen Degeneres, but we don't talk about her as much as the amazing Nate Berkus. I just think when she thinks of the word gay, only gay men are popping into her head and that whole fashion designer, work it girlfriend, GBF person pops into her head. And it confuses me because even though the only word used sometimes is "gay" people usually aren't just talking about gay men. I know that, but not so sure Aunt does sometimes.
I hate that I'm starting to sound like some kid whining about not getting as much attention as my sibling or something. "She talks about that kind of gay, more than my kind of gay, meh."
---------- Post added 3rd Jan 2012 at 11:18 AM ----------
Originally Posted by midwestgirl89
I'm really sorry you have to go through this. *hug* I do know a couple people that aren't supportive of lesbians but are supportive of gay guys. I also know people that like lesbians but not gay guys. It's really weird since both lesbians and gay guys have an attraction to the same sex in common. You'd think they would be supportive of both kinds of people. Have you told your aunt it bothers you when she says these comments? Or that lesbians are part of the LGBT community and it isn't okay to only be supportive of the G aspect of that acronym? I've also heard that thing about butch women.
I'm not sure why people are like this but it sometimes seems like dislike for a certain group within the LGBT community has to do with a person's sex. That sounded really confusing, sorry it's late. What I mean is this> Some straight men are okay with lesbians because they think it's hot and they can understand what it is like to be attracted to a woman. But these same men (this is not true with all straight men, I'm just giving an example) might have a problem with gay men because they can't understand how a guy could ever be attracted to another man..
And with some straight women, they may think gay guys are cute/hot and they can understand an attraction to men. But they can't fathom why a woman would be attracted to another woman. It seems like it might have to do with not putting enough effort into understand someone that has a different type of attraction.
Maybe you could point out to your aunt that she is being hypocritical with her negative opinions for lesbians (although you might want to use a different word than hypocritical). And you could also ask her why she isn't okay with masculine-looking lesbians. It may threaten her idea of what it means to be a woman. Same with effeminate men, some men get mad because an effeminate man is not "masculine enough."
It's weird and I don't know why your aunt is so caught up on how females should dress and act. Does she have strict thoughts on how straight women should act too? It sounds like she might be a little scared to come off as gay herself so she might be overcompensating by putting down lesbians. I don't mean that she is gay, just that she is fearful of supporting lesbians because it might look "bad" or something. Men that support lesbians and not gay men are probably fearful of looking gay themselves. Maybe your aunt is scared to seem gay too?
I hope things get better with your aunt soon. It must be tough to deal with that.
Yeah that makes sense. She can relate to gay men because they got that whole penis loving thing in common. I've had straight female friends who haven't been the nicest about me being a lesbian because they think two girls together are gross, but they have gay male friends and always say "we love gay people." Yeah...maybe it's a penis loving thing. But those are teenagers, silly girls who I thought were my friend and are easy to forget. This is my Aunt. I grew up with this woman, we've been close since I was born. I think I'm just more disappointed than anything that she
of all people would be anything like those girls.
She can be very strict about how men and women are supposed to be...well men and women. Her gender role issues do pretty deep. She's told me things like she'd never want a guy she was dating to rest his head on her shoulder because she's the woman so her head should be on his shoulder. Once we were joking around about things her boyfriend would wear to bed or to be funny one night and she said if her boyfriend ever put on her heels as a joke or put on her underwear for whatever reason she would dump them on the spot on the suspicion that he might be gay. In some of the marriage scenarios we gab about with me I'm either the husband (lazy, sitting on a couch watching tv while my wife is in the back cooking) or I'm in the kitchen cooking while whoever my wife is plays the funny, lazy husband. When we're laughing and joking during the scenarios, it's not so bad, but I always have this small feeling in me that justs wants to clarify that there isn't a "husband" or a "wife," and that I don't have to choose between being the roles or being the man or the woman in the relationship.
I know all this seems bad, but my Aunts a pretty cool lady. But she can also be really set in her ways. It can be really uncomfortable confronting her about things she's made up her mind about, especially her opinions on people. I've never brought up how her comments make me feel because I don't want to risk losing the one person that is most supportive of me by what would be defined as nit-picking, which could possibly lead to an argument of some kind. I don't want to debate about gay people and gender roles, it's so tiring and I have no interest in it. Knowing my Aunt, challenging her (as she would see it) on her views could lead to that. One day I'll work up the courage. I just wish I didn't need to say anything in the first place.