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Old 5th Apr 2011, 07:00 AM   #1
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Default Craigslist Dating?

Hey,

Im 21 and have never been with another guy but want to try it. I have known I'm gay since I was 15 but have been in the closet and just recently have told a couple (3 or 4) of people, getting consistent shock (always saying they would have never known) but mostly support. However about 6 months ago I came out to my first person, a crush on my straight friend, and it went horribly (we dont talk much anymore).

I want to use craigslist to meet someone but I am not sure how safe it is... how safe is it? Is it safe to send my picture to someone random? Is this is a good idea to meet a guy? Could I get myself outed or worse?

Any experiences?

Thanks for your help
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 07:19 AM   #2
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

Do not use craigslist. That's really not safe. Just this morning they found 3 more bodies (bringing the total to 8) on a beach near where I live and they are from a serial killer who is targeting people through craigslist. Then there was the craigslist killer whose name I don't remember but it was a movie.
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 07:22 AM   #3
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

If you listed all the websites where one could find a date (or a hookup), and ranked them from best to worst, Craigslist would be just about at the bottom. Probably just above "pleasedontbeapsycho.com". There are far better websites to find either a date or a hookup. We can give a few pointers for dating websites, but we don't allow discussion of hookup sites here on EC. But feel free to do a bit of research to find out about them, and perhaps an advisor can PM you some thoughts.

Just as important as the website is how you approach the date. Be clear about what you want, what you expect, and what you have to offer. Exchange a few messages with a potential match to make sure you're on the same page. Hold off on exchanging a photo until you feel more comfortable doing so. Once you feel you've got a likely match, arrange to meet over coffee or lunch in a public location. Chat with him, and decide if you feel comfortable enough around him to continue. If so, continue on. If not, thank him for meeting with you, pay for his coffee or lunch, but tell him you're not feeling comfortable continuing.

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Old 5th Apr 2011, 07:42 AM   #4
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

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Originally Posted by Lexington View Post
If you listed all the websites where one could find a date (or a hookup), and ranked them from best to worst, Craigslist would be just about at the bottom. Probably just above "pleasedontbeapsycho.com". There are far better websites to find either a date or a hookup. We can give a few pointers for dating websites, but we don't allow discussion of hookup sites here on EC. But feel free to do a bit of research to find out about them, and perhaps an advisor can PM you some thoughts.

Just as important as the website is how you approach the date. Be clear about what you want, what you expect, and what you have to offer. Exchange a few messages with a potential match to make sure you're on the same page. Hold off on exchanging a photo until you feel more comfortable doing so. Once you feel you've got a likely match, arrange to meet over coffee or lunch in a public location. Chat with him, and decide if you feel comfortable enough around him to continue. If so, continue on. If not, thank him for meeting with you, pay for his coffee or lunch, but tell him you're not feeling comfortable continuing.

Lex
OP... I feel that craigslist facilitates discretion a little better. For instance, on most other dating sites, you really have to put a picture up to get any serious response, and I dont quite feel comfortable with that yet.
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 10:58 AM   #5
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

The discretion you're talking about, however, is of the darkened-alley/hidden-corner variety. They tend to be a lot more unsavory characters hovering around craigslist.

On other sites, yes, you'll get a lot more responses with photo than without. But that doesn't mean you can't use them. You'll just have to do most of the initiating. You'll have to find guys that interest you, write to them, tell them you're interested, and offer to send a photo if they find your profile equally interesting. And you'll probably get fewer positive responses than you would had you simply posted a photo. But that's sort of the way these things work. People are more apt to be open and trusting of somebody that is willing to show that they're open and trusting themselves.

And as far as somebody recognizing you. Just remember that if somebody recognizes you on a gay dating site, they'll have to explain what the hell they're doing on a gay dating site.

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Old 5th Apr 2011, 12:12 PM   #6
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

Let me reinforce what Lex said.

If you ask almost anyone, anywhere, *nobody* has positive dating experiences off of Craigslist. It is almost 100% a hookup site, and for whatever reason, it tends to attract creepy people, not to mention promiscuous people who aren't interested in relationships. Even in the "platonic" section, my experience (and those of most people I know) is that most people on Craigslist don't know what "platonic" means and are almost as bad about wanting in your pants. And many, many of the people on craigslist are fakes, trolling for pics, or about 20 years older than they represent themselves to be.

I know of at least a half dozen people from EC that I've talked to who have had very negative Craigslist experiences, and, unless all you want is a meaningless hookup, I haven't heard of anyone here having a positive experience.

You will be a lot happier looking elsewhere. And... as far as the picture thing... you can make your public picture something that doesn't reveal much... really dark, or a silhouette, or something, and then provide face pictures to people after you've talked to them and decided they sound trustworthy.
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 01:24 PM   #7
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

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Let me reinforce what Lex said.

If you ask almost anyone, anywhere, *nobody* has positive dating experiences off of Craigslist. It is almost 100% a hookup site, and for whatever reason, it tends to attract creepy people, not to mention promiscuous people who aren't interested in relationships. Even in the "platonic" section, my experience (and those of most people I know) is that most people on Craigslist don't know what "platonic" means and are almost as bad about wanting in your pants. And many, many of the people on craigslist are fakes, trolling for pics, or about 20 years older than they represent themselves to be.

I know of at least a half dozen people from EC that I've talked to who have had very negative Craigslist experiences, and, unless all you want is a meaningless hookup, I haven't heard of anyone here having a positive experience.

You will be a lot happier looking elsewhere. And... as far as the picture thing... you can make your public picture something that doesn't reveal much... really dark, or a silhouette, or something, and then provide face pictures to people after you've talked to them and decided they sound trustworthy.
Great advice, thank you. I will probably stay away from craigslist. There has been one thing that has been bothering me lately. I have always been interested in guys. But it has always been on an emotional level. I have fallen "in love" with three close friends over the years, all of whom have turned out to be straight. (Long stories short)

Fact is I have never even so much as kissed a guy. I am definitely attracted to guys and not girls, but I know this from fantasies and from porn, not from experience. I fear that I am going to come out as "gay" only to find out that I am not.
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 02:47 PM   #8
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

If you're turned on by guys, if you're getting off to gay porn, and if you've fallen in love with guys...that's pretty much the dictionary definition of gay right there.

It's understandable to not want to cross that line. There's something very...FINAL about coming out. Because right now, if you really wanted to, you could call backsies. Erase the porn from your computer, go date a girl, and none the wiser. But once you come out, it brings everything out in the open. It's no longer just something you've thought about. It's something you actually are. It makes the whole gay thing REAL, if that makes any sense.

But here's the thing. If you're to the point where you even seriously consider coming out, then the chances that you're not gay are exceptionally small. It's not that straight guys don't ever fantasize about guys from time to time, or even might develop feelings for a friend on really rare occasions. But to them, those are stray thoughts, usually overpowered by straight ones. Coming out is almost never something does without giving it a lot of thought. And if you're giving it that thought, it's almost certainly because you ARE gay.

The good news? Very few people regret coming out. They might regret how they did it, or they might regret specific reactions they got from specific people. But I can't think of a single person who said, upon looking back after several years, "I wish I'd never come out". Because above all, coming out makes things easier. Yeah, the actual process can be cumbersome and nerve-wracking. But once on the other side, it's amazing how much simpler life can become. So give it some thought.

Lex
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 04:49 PM   #9
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

xDDDD

Oh gosh, child you want to die?

You making me laugh so hard. Don't do Craiglist that site is Tabooed, jinxed, voodooed, ohbeahed...lol it's just bad for your health.

I didn't want to say this but I am sure many of you have thought about it before,
your better exploring your options here.


EC guys are cool and very nice/attractive. Heck everyone on this site is hot! Even Becky!

Though I wish I was a lesbian.
In my humble opinion, they happen to be the most consistent emotionally
Ironic? I know

Got to love em'

I am just kidding though. Don't go hitting on anyone and then get suspended as an EC sex offender like me xDDD DWL.

Inbox me and we can discuss further how you can keep your options open.

-Alex
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 07:48 PM   #10
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

Craigslist is fine. I'm 16 and I had some Hook ups on it. It's not creepy at all unless you hook up with some creepy old dude that's like 30+. But if your hooking up with young guys i wouldn't be too worried because they are probably like you
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 08:04 PM   #11
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

Craigs list is probably the worst. Honestly I could probably name a few hook up sites off the top of my head and I have never even used them Though the rules really tell me otherwise, so I can't really say. Hopefully someone else will help you
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 08:20 PM   #12
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

Skip Crabslist and go for the real winners at a club. Your T-cells will thank you.
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Old 5th Apr 2011, 09:00 PM   #13
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

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Craigslist is fine. I'm 16 and I had some Hook ups on it. It's not creepy at all unless you hook up with some creepy old dude that's like 30+. But if your hooking up with young guys i wouldn't be too worried because they are probably like you
I'm sorry, but everything about this comment creeps me out. How do you KNOW they're young guys?
The answer is you don't know that they aren't 20 years older than they say they are and also like to rape and kill people for shits and giggles.

If you need a couch, Craigslist. If you need a date? Elsewhere. Just sayin.
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Old 6th Apr 2011, 08:54 PM   #14
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Default Re: Craigslist Dating?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Zontar View Post
Skip Crabslist and go for the real winners at a club. Your T-cells will thank you.
BAHAHAHAHAH!
"crabslist"
Oh super
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