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Old 18th Jun 2011, 08:44 AM   #1
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Default how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

ok so

i met this guy on the net and we got along really really well, so we decided to meet IRL. i was concerned from the very beginning that i didnt find him all that attractive. we ended up having a couple of drinks (not many) and he invited me back to his place. long story short, we had sex, but i honestly had a lot of trouble staying hard because i just dont find him attractive. i thought with his clothes off he might be a lot nicer but.... just no

anyway he really enjoyed himself and is under the impression that we will be meeting again at some point. i really dont want to. id like to be his friend but i have no intention of sleeping with him ever again but i am just too nice to tell him that straight to his face.

how the hell do you do this?
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 08:54 AM   #2
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

oh and even though we hadnt met before we also have a mutual friend so ive kinda put my foot in it
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 09:02 AM   #3
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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we had sex,
is evere 1 having sex but me omg i feel so left out...
will if he likes u thin he sod understand y u dont like him and exsept that just be strat up whith him and tell him ha i like u but not that whey so can we just be friends.
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 09:17 AM   #4
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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we had sex,
is evere 1 having sex but me omg i feel so left out...
OP here

im probably a lot older than you
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 09:21 AM   #5
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
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we had sex,
is evere 1 having sex but me omg i feel so left out...
OP here

im probably a lot older than you
probably but i still wont a man alredy so i can do it omg it is like so unfaer that all the gays in my grayd r not my tiep you no brod shareholder muscular tall
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 09:25 AM   #6
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
we had sex,
is evere 1 having sex but me omg i feel so left out...
OP here

im probably a lot older than you
probably but i still wont a man alredy so i can do it omg it is like so unfaer that all the gays in my grayd r not my tiep you no brod shareholder muscular tall
me agan i did not finish bt sumtimes i just wont a gay partner to grab my butt and say com on my gay lover lits do it right nawe...lol will it is throw
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 11:34 AM   #7
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

Simple.

Just say "I think he should just stay friends". If he asks why then say "I don't find you attractive".

Just be direct.
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 12:34 PM   #8
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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Simple.

Just say "I think he should just stay friends". If he asks why then say "I don't find you attractive".

Just be direct.
I agree with this, dont beat around the bush just outright tell him. No matter how you tell it you will get the same response.
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 01:05 PM   #9
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

I agree with the above. In matters like these, there is, unfortunately, no way to be both clear and soften the blow. Like coming out, you need to swallow your hesitation and spell it out. If he's falling for you, he'll be looking for reasons to believe you feel likewise or might feel likewise someday, so you need to cut through that.

It's best to just be explicit and say "I do think you're a nice guy, but I don't seem to feel the same way as you do, nor do I think I ever will. So the only way I see us continuing is as friends".

Anything less, and it will be taken as "I'm not sure, but we can work on it". And false hope is wore than hearing an unwelcome truth...


If you really don't think you're able to do it face-to-face, I do think you could write him a letter (or e-mail) too. Though be prepared for him wanting to at least talk about it.


Perhaps the most important thing to remember is that you're not a bad guy for being honest. Being honest up-front is absolutely the good guy thing to do, before he gets his hopes too high and makes the fall all that much harder.
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Old 18th Jun 2011, 08:00 PM   #10
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

"You're not my type."
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Old 19th Jun 2011, 07:42 AM   #11
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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"You're not my type."
OP here

that would be a lie in personality terms and wed both know it

to the rest... oh well, shucks. guess ill find a bullet to bite. thanks yall
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Old 19th Jun 2011, 07:48 AM   #12
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

It's a tough sell after getting naked with someone to tell them that you're not attracted to them. The counterargument is "Well, you were attracted until you got what you wanted".

You're going to have to be honest and accept the backlash. You can be gentle and tactful and just say, "We've got great chemistry as friends but we're not as great as anything beyond that". And like others have said, if he pushes you you're going to have to find a nice way to say that the physical attraction isn't as strong for you.
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Old 19th Jun 2011, 04:14 PM   #13
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Default Re: how do you tell someone you're not attracted to them?

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"You're not my type."
OP here

that would be a lie in personality terms and wed both know it

to the rest... oh well, shucks. guess ill find a bullet to bite. thanks yall
I don't see any alternatives, unfortunately.
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