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Old 20th Jul 2011, 11:48 PM   #1
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Default Porn addiction. help!

I cannot stand myself at this point. I am addicted to gay porn, and I don't know what to do to stop. It is horrible.

I have been dating a guy now for 10 months and I am very serious about this relationship. I love him, and I know he loves me. It has been wonderful, and we tell each other everything. Except for this porn addiction. He knows I like porn and masturbate to it frequently, but he has no idea how much

Some days, I may masturbate to porn for over 5 hours (usually not in a row, but twice its happened). It has even caused me to have delayed ejaculation.

I will put off things I should do such as homework, or working on moving my room to watch porn. I get online and I look at one site. It leads to another, and they get more sexually explicit, until I am watching and reading for hours.

It is greatly hindering my life, I and don't want this to mess up a wonderful relationship. The biggest problem is that I go to gay 'dating' and also cam sites and talk to people in a sexual manner. In my mind this is cheating on my boyfriend and it has to stop.
I have told myself this a million times, and it keeps happening. It is terrifying, becuase I usually have GREAT self-control. but the past few months, I have been totally out of control when it comes to porn. I need help.

Does anyone know of resources or things I can do to get my life on track. I literally feel like it is about to throw everything off at a time when i need to focus more than ever (graduating college this next year, applying to grad school, doing a senior thesis finding and internship, etc. I start working on these things, then I end up watching porn.)

This feels horrible even writing this. Whoever reads this has every right to think I am some weak sicko, but I don't know how i got to this point. Anyone in my life would be shocked to know of this. I even am and somehow ignored it for months (maybe longer)

Please help.
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Old 21st Jul 2011, 12:18 AM   #2
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

Porn can be very addictive for some people. Don't judge yourself for it, just recognize that, for you, at this stage of your life, porn is something that just isn't healthy for you.

The simplest solution, which probably isn't realistic for you, is to cut it out cold turkey. You can have a friend install an Internet porn filter (this so that only s/he will have the password to unlock it.) Keep in mind that most likely if you do cut it cold turkey, you will probably have psychological and perhaps even physical withdrawal symptoms; the reason porn is addictive is that it stimulates the pleasure centers in a way that isn't much different from being addicted to a drug.

If cutting it cold turkey doesn't work for you, you'll need to ask for help. That's a challenge, because it means admitting something that's sort of shameful to a lot of people and many people won't understand that porn addiction can be as real as any drug addiction. But there's data that shows that, for the individuals affected by it, it's real and it's serious.

The longer term solution (which you likely will need in any case) is therapy. The addiction is driven by some unconscious issue that's going unresolved, and the porn (or, more precisely, the masturbation and ejaculation, and the boost in endorphins that comes from that) is serving to numb down whatever it is. If you don't address this in therapy, you are at risk for transferring the addiction to something else.

The important thing is not to be ashamed. It's an issue you need to address, but it's one that's very solveable. You didn't get all the way through high school and college without the sort of determination and commitment that it will take to resolve this issue, so just keep in mind that you already have within you the tools to begin to solve the issue, and reaching out to EC is the first step -- and a really good one -- toward doing that.

If you would like to talk about this privately and perhaps get some additional insight to help with it, feel free to PM me.
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Old 21st Jul 2011, 12:24 AM   #3
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

First thing, congratulations ! The first step to recovery for anyone who has a problem with addiction (whatever the addiction is) is to aknowledge that there is a problem.
Now, I'm not an expert when it comes about addiction, but as far as I know, things like 12 steps programm can help a lot. I don't know exactly how it works for porn addiction, but I think that, even if they don't have a specific programm for porn addiction, you probably can enter a programm to sex addiction.
I suggest that you PM Jim1454 about this. Porn addiction and 12 steps programm are things he can certainly give you great advice about.

Take care, CÚcile
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Old 21st Jul 2011, 12:28 AM   #4
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

Ok I have never had this problem. But I did some fast research and found the links I am posting below. I hope you find them useful.

Pornography Addiction Treatment | Internet Porn Addict Help

Pornography Addiction Recovery and Support

Amazon.com: Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery (9780977220809): Ph.D. Kevin B. Skinner: Books
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Old 16th Aug 2011, 06:34 AM   #5
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

Hi there, and welcome to EC.

Porn addiction is real - as real as alcoholism or drug addiction. And to some extent, it's more difficult to deal with, as it isn't as much a physical addiction as a mental one. I speak from experience, because I'm a sex addict myself.

Chip pretty much nailed it in his response. Try quitting and see how that goes. If you want to stop and you can't, then you'll need some help. Getting a therapist would be good. But I'd also strongly recommend finding a 12 step recovery group as well. They're all based on the principles of AA but tailored to the specific needs of each addiction. Google SAA and read up on it. (As a gay man, I would try SAA over SA, as the latter has some pretty homophobic ideas embedded in their program.) I thought I was the only person in the world with my problem, and I felt so isolated and alone. But going to one of those meetings I was 'home' - everyone there could relate to me, and I could relate to everyone else. Don't hesitate to go to one of their meetings - it's really helpful.

I'm glad you've recognized that you have a problem. Some people live for years in denial, until it really does destroy their lives. You've still got a lot going for you, and there's definitely hope for you to get better and overcome this.

Don't hesitate to write back here in this thread or to write to me directly via a private message. Good luck!
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Old 2nd May 2012, 09:33 PM   #6
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chip View Post
Porn can be very addictive for some people. Don't judge yourself for it, just recognize that, for you, at this stage of your life, porn is something that just isn't healthy for you.

The simplest solution, which probably isn't realistic for you, is to cut it out cold turkey. You can have a friend install an Internet porn filter (this so that only s/he will have the password to unlock it.) Keep in mind that most likely if you do cut it cold turkey, you will probably have psychological and perhaps even physical withdrawal symptoms; the reason porn is addictive is that it stimulates the pleasure centers in a way that isn't much different from being addicted to a drug.

If cutting it cold turkey doesn't work for you, you'll need to ask for help. That's a challenge, because it means admitting something that's sort of shameful to a lot of people and many people won't understand that porn addiction can be as real as any drug addiction. But there's data that shows that, for the individuals affected by it, it's real and it's serious.

The longer term solution (which you likely will need in any case) is therapy. The addiction is driven by some unconscious issue that's going unresolved, and the porn (or, more precisely, the masturbation and ejaculation, and the boost in endorphins that comes from that) is serving to numb down whatever it is. If you don't address this in therapy, you are at risk for transferring the addiction to something else.

The important thing is not to be ashamed. It's an issue you need to address, but it's one that's very solveable. You didn't get all the way through high school and college without the sort of determination and commitment that it will take to resolve this issue, so just keep in mind that you already have within you the tools to begin to solve the issue, and reaching out to EC is the first step -- and a really good one -- toward doing that.

If you would like to talk about this privately and perhaps get some additional insight to help with it, feel free to PM me.
do you think the unconscious issue not being resolved ... in my case.. could be trouble accepting my sexuality??
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Old 2nd May 2012, 09:44 PM   #7
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

Hey, don't be ashamed.

Porn addiction is real. I am recovering from it now. I think judging from what you have said, it really is affecting your life, and it will soon affect your relationship. I definitely think you should search for resources on it. There are many strategies.

One good strategy is to focus on total wellness: if you go to the gym, eat right, do chores even though they suck, etc, all of these activities offer releases in that they are distractions from the impulse to watch porn. They also enhance your sexual life (because diet and fitness helps, that should be obvious).

http://yourbrainonporn.com/
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Old 2nd May 2012, 10:31 PM   #8
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Default Re: Porn addiction. help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
do you think the unconscious issue not being resolved ... in my case.. could be trouble accepting my sexuality??
Yes, absolutely. In fact, in rehab centers that treat drug addiction, one of the very common underlying issues that fuels the drug addiction is being gay and repressing it using drugs. As counterintuitive as it sounds, porn (or, more specifically, the "lift" from orgasm and ejaculation) can be another way of repressing negative feelings, numbing, or otherwise distracting yourself from feelings or thoughts you're afraid of.

But it isn't always that simple, it's often a combination of things.
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