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Old 19th Dec 2011, 11:46 PM   #1
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Default Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Sorry about the long message, I just have a lot I need to say.
I am an 18 year old guy. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, I am one of the best athletes in the state (xc), am very masculine and have a lot of friends. However I am gay and completely hate myself.
For the past 6-7 years I have been trying to stop being gay in almost every way imaginable. I have tried everything, denying it, making being gay seem repulsive, dating lots of girls, and even hurting myself (not very badly). However none of this has worked and as time goes on the hurt only gets worse. I hate being gay because at the end of the day I look at myself in the mirror and no matter what I've accomplished I still utterly despise myself and consider myself a failure. Another thing I absolutely hate is that I feel so alone. As I said I live in a small town and have no one to talk to so if I didn't already feel like an outcast and a loser this only intensifies my complete aloneness. Yet another thing I struggle with a lot is why am I gay? I am not stereotypically gay, I have a strong male role model and friends, I was never abused, plus I was raised a devout catholic. Why am I something that has only brought me fear, lonliness and depression?
There are so many reasons I dont want to be gay, 1. My family and friends rejecting me ( I feel like a loser, failure, and disappointment why would they not feel the same). 2. Being forever alone ( I've never met anyone like me and am afraid of being alone). 3. I want to be a dad. 4. I would get kicked out of my church. 5. Being made fun of and discriminated against. 6. All unknowns. However, I recently realized that I will be very unhappy forever(like I currently am) unless I can become straight or accept myself so, is it possible to become straight and if not how can I ever accept myself like this? I feel so alone and so much like a failure. Thanks for reading, in the meantime ill keep struggling on.


However, recently I have had an epiphany, which is time im having gay feelings, deeply hating myself, and trying and worrying about pretending to be straight. I realize that the only two ways ill ever be happy in life are 1. Not be gay (which is preferable) or 2. Accept myself (not as preferable).
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Old 19th Dec 2011, 11:54 PM   #2
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Disregard the awkward bottom part, I thought I deleted it...
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 12:23 AM   #3
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Unfortunatley, you can't not be gay, so the only practical thing to do, which is much preferable to living your life in a straight unhappy marriage, is to accept yourself. Sorry I can't be more help.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 12:51 AM   #4
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Hey man,

I can definitely relate. I pretty much was feeling the exact same way when I was in high school. I just completely suppressed all of my gay feelings because I thought I was just a straight guy trapped with a gay guys sexual preference. I am super athletic and masculine with a deep voice, and my no means do I act gay. I just thought maybe if I wait long enough things will eventually work themselves out somehow. I realized that there is no way that I was ever going to turn completely straight and that I would always have an attraction towards guys. As bad as that sounds now, things are not going to change. At least for me they didn't, even though I wanted them to. You are going to accept yourself someday, it is just a matter of when. I wish I had figured that part out earlier. That certainly doesn't mean you have to act on anything. I sure didn't do anything about it for a while after coming to terms with my attractions. And I still haven't done much about it. There is no use hating yourself for something you have no control over. Trust me, I did that for way too long.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 01:04 AM   #5
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you sound like me when i was 18 (minus the sports part). i just avoided the notion of sex. if i didn't have a girlfriend i wouldn't have to think about it. i could still be straight in my mind and just a "shy" type of late bloomer guy. i would check guys out and have crushes on guys at that age, but in my mind i was still straight because i was young, i was just a virgin, so i didn't have to deal. the only problem with this is that it's a safe place and makes you feel ok for while but you are going to get older, you are going to be attracted to guys, and you are going to feel bad inside if you do not deal with it.

are you attracted to women at all? when i was your age, i thought if you were attracted to the same sex, then you were automatically gay. i did not know or understand about bisexuality and that people can be attracted to both male and females. i wish i would have known that you could like both and i would have experimented more with women. have you given girls a chance? if not, no problem, but if you have been attracted to them, it's ok to date them if you think you may be interested them in an effort to figure yourself out. however, if you know deep down inside you have no attraction to women, no need to waste their time or yours. are you afraid of dating girls because you think it will confirm your potential gayness?

my best idea is for you to talk to someone. is there a gay hotline for teens in your area or a national one. not sure where you are from but there are tons in the U.S. This may help you get closer to your feelings. also, in college people sometimes go further away to experiment and get to know theirselves better away from the stress of home and family.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 01:47 AM   #6
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Hmm - you are young and have a long time to figure out what you want. I would concetrate on getting into a bigger town or a city where you will have more opportunities to explore your sexuality.. A change is as good as a holiday. While at 18, the general idea is that you are an adult, your friends are there to say - let me be frank - In a few years, people will drop off, get married, do all kinds of things and life as you know it will naturally change.

So a) you can have faith that what you are trapped in now will change naturally and b) you are aware of your sexuality and want to do something about it.. so its already a bonus considering your young.

I would really put some thought into branching out your friends and networks - find a friend in a city, maybe whose gay and go hang with them for a bit.. You have a lot of options is what I'm saying, so don't give up - you still have a full deck of cards! Being gay is by no means the end of the world - you are athletic, well raised and have a world of opportunities ahead - so go get them!
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 02:20 AM   #7
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Everyone here can relate to you...

Basically, if you're gay, you're gay. There's no way around it. You can be bi if girls turn you on too. But, even if you can sleep with girls and make babies, long as you get turned on ONLY by dudes, you're gay.

Acceptance is hard but time will make it seem like cakes! Make patience your new BFF! When you have a bad day, remember that you've had bad days before and not-so-bad-days tend to come right after and then the good days.

Remember, this is your life, you can do whatever the hell you want! Your life has given you your own will. Use the damn will and limit that hate! You're athletic and cool, why let society's ignorance say you're not! Stay cool bro, don't doubt yourself!!!

Sexuality is just one aspect of your life... it doesn't have to be the center of your world if you don't want it to be. So to hell with it! Deal with it when there is a problem, don't anticipate! A day will come when you'll learn the awesomeness of having the will to live your life just the way you want to - and that includes in or out and any anywhere in between...your will! Your life! No regrets!
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 05:01 AM   #8
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

As you can see in the above couple of posts, there's no shortage of people who were in the same situation. And I'm going to add my voice to the choir here: you're not alone, and while there's no miracle solution to be happy and OK overnight, it is possible to get over lack of self-acceptance, becoming OK with who you are, and even have other people be totally accepting and supportive.

tough news: the heart wants what the heart wants. You don't get to chose who does it for you. And if 6 years of trying to be straight didn't work, i can guarantee that neither will another 6 (or even 66). While some people talk about "reparative therapy", it is proven to only lead to more depression and unhappyness much later down the line.


I was actually in much the same situation when I was 18. I was doing rather OK to all appearances. After a rocky start in highschool I actually managed to be fairly well-known and popular by my last year. Straight A's, never lacking in friends to hang out with, class president... that sort of stuff. No one happened to know I spent every moment of the day in total fear of being found out and with elaborate plans to either stay celibate for the rest of my life, or try to end up in a heterosexual marriage of convenience which would have the benefit of being acceptable and easy, even if I'd just have to get to grips with not being in love in any way.
In a way, being successful in other areas made the gayness seem even more shameful and disappointing in contrast. On top of that, it actually felt insulting to not get my sexuality of choice handed to me on a silver platter after all the effort I took to do well everywhere else.
Also didn't help that in my nice little Catholic school, homosexuality was not exactly a topic you could discuss. It was mentioned in sex ed exactly once, and then only as "a phase a lot of guys have but then get over".

In fact, I tried not facing it until I was well in my mid-20s, when it really dawned on me that suddenly turning straight one morning wasn't going to happen.


Things I found out since then, which made me feel a whole lot better about myself and might help for you too:

- I found out I was hardly the only one, even in my own school. No less than 8 other guys managed to come out after graduation. It's pretty sad we didn't actually figure that out until we all were in our 20s, but it does make me realise that, even if gay people aren't all that visible, there's more than you'd think. the stereotypes are visible, but they're only the top of the iceberg.
So don't think you're alone. I can guarantee that there's others, even some people you know, who are goign through the same thing. Even if you can't rach out to them yet, it can help in feeling less alone.

- Friends and family are usually more accepting than you give them credit for. When I came out to my friends, most of them didn't bat an eye. Some were amazed and most were incredulous, yeah. And there was a bit of awkwardness for a few days with some while they discovered I was really no more or less gay than I was before (only they now just happened to know). There's two or three who prefer to not discuss it if it comes up. But none of them cut ties or seem to think any less of me. Ever since they just stopped asking me whether I was seeing any nice girls and started asking if I was seeing any nice guys instead.
Which is, I guess, pretty normal. If I asked your friends why they liked you, how many would say "because he's straight!" or "because he dates girls!"? My guess would be close to none. They like you because you're fun to spend tme with. They wouldn't get a vote in who you date if you were straight either.

- You don't have to be out more than you want to. While I wasn't quite OK with being gay at first, I did confide my issues in a couple of close friends (the ones I knew were broad-thinking and supportive). And that was enough for months. Just having one or two people who knew, even if they weren't in the same situation, already helped a lot. It took me over a year to came out to half my friends, but that was a comfortable pace. and every new one made it easier. I didn't make a big announcement to it to most people, and neither do I feel obliged to. So you shouldn't feel obliged to start announcing this to everyone you know either.

- Kids are easier to get if you're straight, yes. But it's not at all impossible if you're gay either. Takes more paperwork, some perseverence, and a serious desire to push forward, but it's doable, either through surrogacy or adoption. I'm not going to lie and say it's exactly the same, but I think the extra effort is worth it over marrying a woman just because she's the easiest equipment to bring a child to term.

- When you're 18 and in a small city, it's hard finding other gay people to talk to. When you're in a larger city, for college or a job, it's easier to find places to socialise with gay people. There's LGBT societies in universities, there's similar groups even outside of college, there's coming-out groups... all kinds of things. Even if meeting gay people isn't an option yet, you're bound to get an opportunity to do so in the future, even if it means striking out on your own for a bit.


And, last but not least: even if we aren't able to meet IRL, we're still real. So don't hesitate to vent, talk, post on people's walls or read stories. It can only help in seeing there's hope yet!
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 06:40 AM   #9
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Good luck
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 08:14 AM   #10
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Sorry about the long message, I just have a lot I need to say.
I am an 18 year old guy. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, I am one of the best athletes in the state (xc), am very masculine and have a lot of friends. However I am gay and completely hate myself.
For the past 6-7 years I have been trying to stop being gay in almost every way imaginable. I have tried everything, denying it, making being gay seem repulsive, dating lots of girls, and even hurting myself (not very badly). However none of this has worked and as time goes on the hurt only gets worse. I hate being gay because at the end of the day I look at myself in the mirror and no matter what I've accomplished I still utterly despise myself and consider myself a failure. Another thing I absolutely hate is that I feel so alone. As I said I live in a small town and have no one to talk to so if I didn't already feel like an outcast and a loser this only intensifies my complete aloneness. Yet another thing I struggle with a lot is why am I gay? I am not stereotypically gay, I have a strong male role model and friends, I was never abused, plus I was raised a devout catholic. Why am I something that has only brought me fear, lonliness and depression?
There are so many reasons I dont want to be gay, 1. My family and friends rejecting me ( I feel like a loser, failure, and disappointment why would they not feel the same). 2. Being forever alone ( I've never met anyone like me and am afraid of being alone). 3. I want to be a dad. 4. I would get kicked out of my church. 5. Being made fun of and discriminated against. 6. All unknowns. However, I recently realized that I will be very unhappy forever(like I currently am) unless I can become straight or accept myself so, is it possible to become straight and if not how can I ever accept myself like this? I feel so alone and so much like a failure. Thanks for reading, in the meantime ill keep struggling on.


However, recently I have had an epiphany, which is time im having gay feelings, deeply hating myself, and trying and worrying about pretending to be straight. I realize that the only two ways ill ever be happy in life are 1. Not be gay (which is preferable) or 2. Accept myself (not as preferable).

You are just like me! Exactly!

Just recently I came out to a person and a Iīm feeling full of live again! Iīm dreaming of my personal life, my college is progressing.

Please donīt give up and donīt try to be what you arenīt!

I realized that my life since my 13īs was a lie(a C-O-M-P-L-E-T-E-L-Y lie) and a wasted time and life trying to please others(now Iīm 20).But I still have plenty of time to change it and make it worth it. And I learned a lot with those tough years and Iīm still learning, just for being what Iīm(weird isnīt?).

If you are feeling lonely do what Iīm doing: look for help. You donīt need to tell your friends and family now. Look for gay people in your city and tell him/them what you are going through.

Iīm going to tell you what Iīm doing that might help you:

1) I only knew one person that was openly gay in my city. I came to him on facebook(he didnīt know me, but I know him) and told him everything about my life. He is really supportive. I literally came to him and said: I donīt know you, you probably donīt know me, but Iīm adding you on facebook for one reason: than told everything about my life.

2) I still donīt know how Iīm gonna deal with my "ex-straight" "life". But if my friends arenīt supportive, I donīt care! That person wasnīt me, that wasnīt a life, just a fake character that I developed and made depressive. And Iīm really decided to live. Not just to exist.

3) My familly. I also donīt know when Iīm gonna tell them, maybe in 2 months maybe in 10 years. But that isnīt the main point right now. The main point is: Iīm living again(and I wanna live again).

But believe me, just the fact that I already told one person( and him showed to me a life that I thought it wouldnīt be possible for me in ages), Iīm feeling younger, a dreamer. As a said and Iīm gonna repeat until the day I die: I started to live again!

Thatīs what I wrote on my blog today:

Quote:
There is a portuguese sentence that says: I went to the end of the water well. It basically means I have nothing left to lose.

I reach the end of the water well.

I have to options:

1) I stay there forever and die alone.

2) I climp up.

I decided to climb up!
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 08:27 AM   #11
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^^ Btw, I posted anonymously. But thatīs me!
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 08:29 AM   #12
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^^ Btw, I posted anonymously. But thatīs me!
I dont know why my nickname(Branconegro) isnīt showing.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 10:44 AM   #13
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

I'm a bi guy.

I attended an all guy's high school. Since I'm attracted to girls, I thought the guy part was environmental. That it would just leave the second I graduated and went co-ed.

I graduated, moved seven hours away by car for college, where I thought for sure it wouldn't follow me. Lo and behold, I found myself also attracted to guys there as well. The first year with home sickness, shy anxiety, and depression about liking guys - I was in a rut. The last thing I wanted was to like guys.

I should stress, I was from a small town too, the only gays I ever saw were overly flamboyant guys who seemed more feminine than masculine. I despised the notion that I could be anything like them. I mean, that's just - not me.

Over time, I realized that I'm bisexual. With a leaning more towards girls, but I like guys all the same. Fluctuating between a Kinsey 2 (more straight) and a Kinsey 4 (more gay). I only told one person, someone from my past with so many psychological problems, mine seemed like a stroll in the park. Basically saying I started admitting it to myself, but I still thought there was something inherently wrong with me.

A part of me still hoped/believed that if I left once again - it just wouldn't follow me. After I graduated from college, I packed up and moved to LA. Where lo and behold, there were tons of more guys around. I couldn't escape the inevitable fact - I like guys. Every time I even saw a hot guy I felt ashamed and like a pervert just for thinking that way. But, I knew - just as you've come to realize - I can either live my life hating myself or learn to accept it.

It wasn't an easy road to acceptance. I met a guy online that I quickly fell in love with and was there for me when I needed him. It was his support that gave me the courage to come out to my friends and family. But, even then? I severely messed it up because a girl entered my life. I went with her just because of gender alone, when my heart was more into him. I lost him and he became the guy that got away.

Months into coming out and accepting it? I realize how hard and how stressful it was for me to pretend being straight all those years. I'd never go back. It's still a struggle on some days, but I accept who I am whole heartedly. I like guys. I think some guys are cute. Hot even lol. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Note: Another thing that helped destroyed all those stupid fucking USA stereotypes? British, Australian, etc. dramas with gay/bi guys around my age. For some reason the US wants to mainly just show gay guys as being overly flamboyant hair dressers. Whereas over seas? They're just regular guys who just so happen to also like guys. There's nothing monumental about it. It's just a fact of life. Problem's society, not with you.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 10:47 AM   #14
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/\ I should also stress flamboyant guys, please don't take offense - it's just this is, and it seems for the OP, part of what makes it difficult for some guys to accept themselves.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 11:01 AM   #15
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Hi, I am with all who have posted here. I find Filip's post very helpful. I have struggled with homosexuality for a while and in fact try to deny it for the very reasons you stated. I did not want to lose everything, hurt everyone and be all alone. And I have paid the price for leading a straight life. And unfortunately, my wife too is paying the price for that.

However, even as a gay married man who recently came out I am not alone. And that I certainly wish I had come out sooner, probably at your age, but I am so glad that I did now v. prolonging the slowly worsening misery for me and my wife.

Best,
SP
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 12:06 PM   #16
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Is it really that you hate being gay, or how you think people will treat you if you they find out you’re gay?
If I tried to make myself repulsed at myself I’d be miserable too.
Being gay ISN’T going to go away. There is no reason you can’t be a great athlete AND be gay, really I looked it up.
So, Why has it brought you fear, loneliness and depression…well there three are exclusive to each other, they’re interconnected.
Fear: What will people think if you’re gay? So you hide it which leads to loneliness, since you have to keep people at distance, for fear they may find out your secret. Depression follows since you’re…ya know, alone all the time keeping this “big” secret.

Look most of us have been there, worrying that our friends and family will reject us, so don’t feel alone on that front.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 12:21 PM   #17
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Welcome (?) to EC! I'm assuming everybody's waiting for me to trot out the house analogy again. Good news, kids - the wait is over.

Let's say you live in a house built for small people. Like four feet tall. So you'd hunched over walking down the hall, and always reaching way down to get things, and bumping your head on the door frames, and trying to get a decent shower, and cramped into fetal position in your small bed every night. And it'd be easy to start thinking "If only I weren't so tall, life would be so much easier."

But see, the problem isn't that you're too tall.
The problem is that you're in the wrong house.

It's precisely the same for you. Your problem isn't that you're gay. It's that you're gay in an area where being gay isn't easy, or perhaps where it isn't welcome. And the solution is exactly the same. It isn't to suddenly "not be gay" - because frankly, that doesn't happen. It's to either give your family and friends a chance to accept you as a homosexual, or to go in search of people who WILL accept you for who you are.

And right now, that's a really tough choice to make. Because it doesn't sound like you've fully accepted yourself yet. That's fine - it can take some time. But do take the time to do so. Work on accepting your sexuality. Because to many of us, being gay isn't only not a curse - it's a blessing. And maybe we can help get you to a spot where you feel that way, too.

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Old 20th Dec 2011, 01:02 PM   #18
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Yet another thing I struggle with a lot is why am I gay? I am not stereotypically gay, I have a strong male role model and friends, I was never abused, plus I was raised a devout catholic. Why am I something that has only brought me fear, lonliness and depression?
Ah, yes.. why me? Life sucks, what can I tell you. It would be great if it was different, if we lived in a society that is completely accepting. The thing is, we do not. Society today is still not happy about gay people; at most, advanced countries tolerate us. People are still judgmental even if they now don't necessarily want to stone us or fill us up with brain obliterating hormonal concoctions. Society sucks. But you know what? Out of all two faced rationalistic bigots out there, out of all those people who make life miserable, the one person most close to you and worst in judging, the one that will get you hardest and who will really crush you like a bug you think you are, is - you. I was very surprised to find out that I, a super liberal, people loving, open and accepting person I thought I was, was incredibly autohomophobic.
I spoke to a forty something gay man, out for decades, happy with his life and when I asked him if he would still prefer to have been straight, he said "of course". It's easier. I know, I'm a conformist. An expectations fulfiller. It would be nice and cozy and simple to just be straight, marry at 25, have kids by thirty and so on and on. The question however is do I want to live my life regretting what was never mine to have or do I want to allow myself to love men and to enjoy each touch and every sentence and be happy.
Recently, a year after the talk with that forty something guy I found myself speaking to a twenty something guy in a serious relationship (this guy rips my heart out every time I think of him, I love him so, but that's another topic) and he said that after ten years he is profoundly happy. He would not like to be straight, now that he accepted himself and that he met acceptance from his parents, siblings, friends, when he met a huge (mindnumbing for me) number of new gay friends - in short, now that he's living a life where the orientation of his sexuality is not a problem and he's built a whole functioning life around it, now he's happy and there are no more any regrets.
Now that's a role model.

Quote:
There are so many reasons I dont want to be gay, 1. My family and friends rejecting me ( I feel like a loser, failure, and disappointment why would they not feel the same). 2. Being forever alone ( I've never met anyone like me and am afraid of being alone). 3. I want to be a dad. 4. I would get kicked out of my church. 5. Being made fun of and discriminated against. 6. All unknowns. However, I recently realized that I will be very unhappy forever(like I currently am) unless I can become straight or accept myself so, is it possible to become straight and if not how can I ever accept myself like this? I feel so alone and so much like a failure. Thanks for reading, in the meantime ill keep struggling on.
1&2 What value you as a person hold depends not on your sexuality. However, not accepting yourself holds potential to make you a bitter, cynical, sad person. I speak from experience. Your family will not reject you, your friends either. Or maybe better said, not true ones. My best friends abandoned me, but that just showed that I was wrong about labeling them that. I was very sad about it because when people used to tell me that not having such "friends" is not a loss I was not prepared to lose them. But you know what? Conditional friendships are just not worth it. And family? As long as you love them, you have family. And either instantly or with time, they will accept you. In the mean time, you will hopefully find friends who understand and love you the way you are and than you will see how that outranks any friendship you
previously thought you had.
3. You can. But you don't have to. It's a normal thing to want, but give it time. Let yourself feel the possibility of not having kids as normal. As as normal as having them. Then you will be able to say what you actually want in your life.
4. I live in Croatia, a country with 95% declared theists, 88% Catholics. The Catholic church here is very strong, is very fundamental and very sinister when it comes to homosexuality. However, a year ago a prominent theologian, a former provincial (the head of Dominican province, so a person high in church hierarchy) wrote an article where he basically said: yes, the Church can not accept homosexuality liberally, but in practical terms and those imposed on us as priests we need to be aware of human beings; homosexuals are our brothers and sisters and there is nothing Christian in hating them; these people need to be approached and talked to, helped as is our Christian duty. It's not a direct quotation, but just the gist of what he was saying. I would link the article, but it's in Croatian anyway.
What I am trying to say is that you are a part of your community and a member of your Church and not any less worthy of God than anybody else.

As far as points 5 and 6 go, you answered them yourself. With time, with selfrespect and with selfacceptance, happiness will come too.

Quote:
However, recently I have had an epiphany, which is time im having gay feelings, deeply hating myself, and trying and worrying about pretending to be straight. I realize that the only two ways ill ever be happy in life are 1. Not be gay (which is preferable) or 2. Accept myself (not as preferable).
Let me quote this part again:
Quote:
Accept myself (not as preferable)
Does that sound right?
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 02:43 PM   #19
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Been there, tried all that, so I'll be blunt.

Kid, I've searched and searched, and I'm afraid I've found that there's no way to "ungay" yourself. It took a long time (a really long time) for me to realize there's nothing to undo. If you're gay, it's something that's been there the whole time. It's part of who you are, and since you can't stop being who you are and be someone else, you might as well just accept it.

What you REALLY have to come to grips with is the fact that it doesn't really change anything. That person that people love and admire, IS the real you, and has been from the start. Your sexuality is just a tiny facet of the total person, so who you fall in love with isn't that important. Whether you are a good person is.

Don't make the same mistake some of us have made, by devaluing yourself based on your sexuality, or on other people's opinions. It just brings pain and misery and gets you nowhere in the end. Other people aren't living your life - YOU are. If people want to bring you down, they will find a way regardless. You don't have to help them by subscribing to their nonsense. Don't live in a way that pleases others. Live in whatever way brings the most happiness for YOU.

As for feeling alone, I know you may FEEL alone but trust me, you're not quite as alone as you think. You may not believe me, but I'm pretty sure there are people who would love and accept you as YOU.
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Old 20th Dec 2011, 10:14 PM   #20
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Default Re: Why am I gay? I hate myself. Help

Try watching the documentary The Butch Factor. It's all about the range of masculinity in the gay community. This definitely helped me reconcile having masculine interests with being gay.

Also, try checking out Craig Cassey's blog, Craig's Gay Word | Joining the journey towards equality, while spurring on conversation. He's an openly gay athlete that has found happiness not fitting the stereotype.
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