Social Life Decline after Coming Out?

[Anonymous]

I used to be heaps social - would go out and party quite often.. once I came out, my priorities changed and I realised a lot of that partying was associated with me hiding my true self - drinking, lowering inhibitions etc. Now I'm out, I find I have become much less social.. I don't really have the interest in seeing lots of people and going to heterosexual bars and clubs doesn't interest me, in fact I'm quite repelled. I think I would still like to get back into going to gay clubs, but I kind of feel out of the loop and need to find some friends to go with (fingers crossed I will when I start uni soon) - Have others found this though? Its like my priorities have changed completely since coming out and I've become even become a bit anti-social - most Fridays and Saturdays I spend at home, and would prefer a good nights sleep than a big night out.. I am in my mid 20s though - maybe I'm just getting old! lol

[Anonymous]

yea this happened to me too. im not "out" but i have come "out" to myself. now that i have going to straight things are so boring to me now but i do not know where i can find similar functions that i think are cool in the gay world. so now going to straight bars, clubs or social networking events are boring for me because usually you go to these things when you're single and you want to try adn meet other people but i am not interested dating opposite sex right now. so short of goign to gay clubs or gay bars, i dont know where else to meet guys. honestly i would prefer things that are blended where it's not all gay or all straight, i would like to go to mixed friendly events but not sure where those are. so mostly i just chill out at home.

[Anonymous]

I'm not out at all and that's what i'm nervous about.. AHHHH!!! EEEEK!!

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I'm not out at all and that's what i'm nervous about.. AHHHH!!! EEEEK!!

EEEEEKKK well it happens lol. basically going to straight stuff and hiding amongst straights if fun when you're young but once you start really liking same sex and feel ok with that, it gets boring cuz you actually want to meet people that have stuff in common with you and you have to do so much mental work to hide and lie around the straight events. after a while it becomes exhausting. i guess if you were bi and you liked both men adn women adn wanted to date both at the same time, it could still work. of course you still go to events and aprties and stuff like that with straight friends and they're fun but what happens is that eventually you just start thinking "this is kinda boring. i am tired of lieing, i am tired of covering up why i dont have a girlfriend, i am tired of seeing hot peoplke i would like to talk to but they are straight (that's the biggest reason i go to straight things less).

the only problem is, gay things can be just so "gay" and over the top (no offense to anyone) and that's not fun for me either.

[Anonymous]

OP Here - Thank you so much for your reply - this is exactly what I'm dealing with right now. It is a lot of mental work to be yourself in the straight environment.. because being your true self is not really an option. I don't know if this view is me being arrogant though - just because I'm Gay, why should I have hang ups about straight events? But the fact is that if I go to these events, I will get depressed and feel like I am hiding my true self to 'fit in'.. but then in the Gay club scene its more overwhelming and 'gay and over the top' as you guys say - mainly because there is actual potential to meet someone so it is nerve racking!

But I guess the straight scene is 'Full on and over the top' for opposite sex attraction..While the straights are focused on meeting someone of the opposite sex, us gays just are bored, dissuaded and confused?

In any case, I'm glad I'm not alone.

[Anonymous]

Gay bars are not really a good place to "meet" people for long lasting friendships. In my town, most of them are over run with guys who feel the need to bully because they have been bullied in the past. It's really ridiculous too see men in their 40's and 50's spread gossip and instigate fights. Then again, I live in America so there's lots of crazy people out there. I had to tell this one guy that I actually prefer to do other things besides hang out at the bars. It's the regulars who you should worry about because they will be coordinating all of the cliques to their liking. Those are the people who talk bad about you when you go to the bathroom.

If you are not there for sex or do not already have a group of friends to go with, just don't go. Make sure to save your money for when you finally do have a group of friends, so you will be able to buy a few rounds for the group!

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Gay bars are not really a good place to "meet" people for long lasting friendships. In my town, most of them are over run with guys who feel the need to bully because they have been bullied in the past. It's really ridiculous too see men in their 40's and 50's spread gossip and instigate fights. Then again, I live in America so there's lots of crazy people out there. I had to tell this one guy that I actually prefer to do other things besides hang out at the bars. It's the regulars who you should worry about because they will be coordinating all of the cliques to their liking. Those are the people who talk bad about you when you go to the bathroom.

If you are not there for sex or do not already have a group of friends to go with, just don't go. Make sure to save your money for when you finally do have a group of friends, so you will be able to buy a few rounds for the group!

it's a cryin shame that what you said is literally true. of course not in all instances but in many. thank you for your honestly. i'm sure someone will say "oh noo, it's not about sex and stop sterotyping but i think people should here what really happens in places like this and the types of poeple that frequent them.

[Anonymous]

I just hope someone who needs help stumbles onto this thread. It will save him/her a lot of grief to be prepared for the worst.

[sometimesbetter]

I had accepted my homosexuality a long time ago, and I'm pretty sure my friends knew as well, but I still went to straight bars/clubs. I don't really like the idea of clubs/bars; I just go because I love to dance with my friends. I just love to let loose for a little while and be all over the place with stupid and ridiculous moves LOL. But, I have yet to go to a gay bar/club. After I came out to some of my friends, I just didn't wanna go to places like those anymore. I don't know why. Maybe it's 'cause my parents haven't accepted me fully and that could just be the factor. IDK :/ LOL

The one thing I did notice was that I stopped watched straight porn entirely. It doesn't do anything for me anymore.