i need help - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 9th Jan 2012, 12:05 AM

hello out there. i need help. i have been trying to be strong, tryiing to hold it together. but im tired. im tired of being like this. it just doesn't feel good to be gay for me or bi. everytime i make strides i get kicked back down. i am very unhappy and i tried to focus on other things but i see that i am becoming very angry, very sad, very depressed, adn very lonely. i just feel like what i want i can't have. and what is avaialble i do not want. i basically want a straight guy or closeted guy. i just haven't been able to relate to gay men and i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of everythign. i just tired.

Anonymous · 9th Jan 2012, 12:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous

hello out there. i need help. i have been trying to be strong, tryiing to hold it together. but im tired. im tired of being like this. it just doesn't feel good to be gay for me or bi. everytime i make strides i get kicked back down. i am very unhappy and i tried to focus on other things but i see that i am becoming very angry, very sad, very depressed, adn very lonely. i just feel like what i want i can't have. and what is avaialble i do not want. i basically want a straight guy or closeted guy. i just haven't been able to relate to gay men and i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of everythign. i just tired.

op here. i have also started cutting people out of my life. just randomly cutting anyone out if a problem arises. if there's any drama i just have let them go. this has been in the past couple of days. i have found myself ending a lot of relationshp and fake friendships with people. i dont wanna be alone but i have found myself cutting more people out. im crying out for help inside. when my straight guy friends (straight) as me to go out i just decline, i dont feel like hanging out at straight places and the last gay bar i went to some dude asked me if i liked to get Effed....great how NOT surprising that someone would ask me that. i just am so angry and hate that i am not more attrcted to women.

Uniboth · 9th Jan 2012, 02:34 AM

Same complex here...but I learned to make peace with it. I used to think it was a losing game but it's not. Here are facts that helped me:-

1. I can't control who I'm attracted to.
2. I like straight/closet cases (untouchables)
3. I don't find girls attractive.
4. I can't control a lot of things in life.
5. Patience is everyone's best friend!

Don't kick yourself for something you can't control bud! If you like someone, like em. After liking them long enough and get nothing back...the part of you that's out of your control will learn to look for something better. Don't sweat the sadness or anger you feel because you're sad or angry. I mean I do it too, but don't you think its pointless. Then again, I guess nothing is ever pointless... what I'm saying is that, there are no fight you can't win because it's only a fight when you know you can win! Everything else are tiny zits that will eventually goes away! So if you're patient, things you think are problems might just shrink into nothing worth more than a couple of brain cells in back of your head.

Take it easy! Sorry, I'm known to be confusing...but I hope there are things here you can take.

silverhalo · 9th Jan 2012, 02:37 AM

Hey im sorry you are having a tough time, but try not to worry it will get better.
I am assuming from what you have written that you are still in the closet, its definitely harder when you are in the closet. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling (friends, family or professionals)? If not I suggest that might be a good idea, often talking about things can help.
The place you are in at the moment is a bit of a circle, you are angry and upset and when you feel like this relationships you have tend to become bumpy which then it turn makes it worse. Are there any LGBT groups in your area? I think attending a group like this might be able to help you, you will be able to meet some other gay guys without being in a bar situation.

Hidinginalabama · 9th Jan 2012, 08:30 AM

I am so sorry to hear that you are having a hard time right now. But know you are not alone. There are so many of us that have been or still are in the same point in our lifes as you are now. Going through the same thing ever day. It is one of the hardest parts of life. It is one of the lonelest parts as well. But you are not alone. We are here and there are so many people around you that you many not think of that are there for you as well. I know it feels like it will never get better but it does and a lot of the time it gets better fast. I myself was and kind of still am in the same shoes as you are now. Every day was a fight to try and see myself making it to the next day. Trying and fighting for my happiness. But I have made it and you can do. Look at the next day and think that tomorrow will be better cause it will be. Tomorrow will be a brighter day, a happier day, a day were you feel better. What your going through is something that takes time to understand about your self and accept who you really are. Accepting yourself is one of the hardest things any one can do but once you have done that it is like you can see the world in a new way. Just keep looking to tomorrow and nowing that it does get better and you will get better. Keep fighting for you happiness. Because at the end of the day you are the only one that matters. We are here for you and you are never alone.

Anonymous · 9th Jan 2012, 10:46 AM

Don't worry about finding someone, honestly. People assume that gay people all fit into one small box, and if you're gay and can't relate to the stereotype then there is no one out there for you. This is completely untrue - I'm into scifi, gaming, and science, and there is a complete spectrum of gay people out there, and lots of them will love you. So don't despair.

9th Jan 2012, 12:05 AM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	i need help hello out there. i need help. i have been trying to be strong, tryiing to hold it together. but im tired. im tired of being like this. it just doesn't feel good to be gay for me or bi. everytime i make strides i get kicked back down. i am very unhappy and i tried to focus on other things but i see that i am becoming very angry, very sad, very depressed, adn very lonely. i just feel like what i want i can't have. and what is avaialble i do not want. i basically want a straight guy or closeted guy. i just haven't been able to relate to gay men and i'm tired of trying. i'm tired of everythign. i just tired.

9th Jan 2012, 02:34 AM	#3
Uniboth Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Posts: 138 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: i need help Same complex here...but I learned to make peace with it. I used to think it was a losing game but it's not. Here are facts that helped me:- 1. I can't control who I'm attracted to. 2. I like straight/closet cases (untouchables) 3. I don't find girls attractive. 4. I can't control a lot of things in life. 5. Patience is everyone's best friend! Don't kick yourself for something you can't control bud! If you like someone, like em. After liking them long enough and get nothing back...the part of you that's out of your control will learn to look for something better. Don't sweat the sadness or anger you feel because you're sad or angry. I mean I do it too, but don't you think its pointless. Then again, I guess nothing is ever pointless... what I'm saying is that, there are no fight you can't win because it's only a fight when you know you can win! Everything else are tiny zits that will eventually goes away! So if you're patient, things you think are problems might just shrink into nothing worth more than a couple of brain cells in back of your head. Take it easy! Sorry, I'm known to be confusing...but I hope there are things here you can take.

9th Jan 2012, 02:37 AM	#4
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,129 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: i need help Hey im sorry you are having a tough time, but try not to worry it will get better. I am assuming from what you have written that you are still in the closet, its definitely harder when you are in the closet. Have you spoken to anyone about how you are feeling (friends, family or professionals)? If not I suggest that might be a good idea, often talking about things can help. The place you are in at the moment is a bit of a circle, you are angry and upset and when you feel like this relationships you have tend to become bumpy which then it turn makes it worse. Are there any LGBT groups in your area? I think attending a group like this might be able to help you, you will be able to meet some other gay guys without being in a bar situation.

9th Jan 2012, 08:30 AM	#5
Hidinginalabama EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Say no to the boobs. Say hell yes to men. Out Status: Almost every one other than work Location: alabama Age: 22 Posts: 954 Join Date: Sep 2011	Re: i need help I am so sorry to hear that you are having a hard time right now. But know you are not alone. There are so many of us that have been or still are in the same point in our lifes as you are now. Going through the same thing ever day. It is one of the hardest parts of life. It is one of the lonelest parts as well. But you are not alone. We are here and there are so many people around you that you many not think of that are there for you as well. I know it feels like it will never get better but it does and a lot of the time it gets better fast. I myself was and kind of still am in the same shoes as you are now. Every day was a fight to try and see myself making it to the next day. Trying and fighting for my happiness. But I have made it and you can do. Look at the next day and think that tomorrow will be better cause it will be. Tomorrow will be a brighter day, a happier day, a day were you feel better. What your going through is something that takes time to understand about your self and accept who you really are. Accepting yourself is one of the hardest things any one can do but once you have done that it is like you can see the world in a new way. Just keep looking to tomorrow and nowing that it does get better and you will get better. Keep fighting for you happiness. Because at the end of the day you are the only one that matters. We are here for you and you are never alone.

9th Jan 2012, 10:46 AM	#6
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: i need help Don't worry about finding someone, honestly. People assume that gay people all fit into one small box, and if you're gay and can't relate to the stereotype then there is no one out there for you. This is completely untrue - I'm into scifi, gaming, and science, and there is a complete spectrum of gay people out there, and lots of them will love you. So don't despair.