Bias toward bisexuals/dating..?

[Anonymous]

I am ok with all LGBT individuals. I am not against anyone. But I am just realizing that I have an internal bias that I can't understand. I'm a lesbian and therefore I want to date women.

When I hear a woman I like is a lesbian, I'm excited. But when I hear that a woman I like is bisexual...my immediate reaction is to turn the other way (metaphorically, meaning I just don't want to date her anymore). I mean I would totally be friends with a bisexual girl but it's almost like I am afraid to date a bisexual person. When looking at dating sites I always check the box that says I am only looking for gay women, not bisexual women.

This may be because every girl I have ever loved has left me for a man or has chosen a man over me. Can anyone else relate to this? I don't want to sound hateful and I don't mean to offend anyone. It's just the way my brain and body works, and I can't understand it. It's like a fear that the woman I love (in the future) will get tired of dating me because I'm a woman and will go to a man.

[adam88]

I don't think that bisexuals are the issue. It's trust that's the issue. How would you feel if a lesbian left you for another woman? What's preventing that from happening that doesn't exist in the bisexual case?

[Bedroom Hymns]

I'd be okay with dating a bi guy, but I can see where you're coming from.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by adam88

I don't think that bisexuals are the issue. It's trust that's the issue. How would you feel if a lesbian left you for another woman? What's preventing that from happening that doesn't exist in the bisexual case?

OP here. Maybe, but it's like an instant reaction that I don't want to date a bisexual woman. And I've heard other people who feel the same way. It's like I have a prejudice against dating them and Idk the exact reasons.

I know it's not true that a woman is necessarily going to leave me for a man but I kinda think it's more likely because there are more straight men than lesbians in the world to choose from. And it's easier socially to be in a straight relationship than a gay one. You can get married, have children (without insemination or adoption), and be seen as "normal" in a straight relationship.

Logically if I was bisexual I would probably end up in an opposite-sex relationship because odds are there will be more men available than lesbians. Plus, like I said, it's easier to tell everyone I'm with a man. I know you can't choose who you fall in love with but... I have this internal bias that makes me kind of think that if a person is bisexual, the person will choose to be in a straight relationship in the end because it's easier.

I have the thoughts in my head that bisexual women will end up with a man in the end (maybe it is because the media constantly reinforces that idea?). And bisexuality confuses me because most women I've met that are bisexual are more attracted to men than to women.

[Lexington]

I know plenty of gay men who refuse to date bisexuals. And always for the same reason you give - they were dumped when the person they were dating decided to "go straight". That said, these same gay guys don't seem to cross gay guys off the list when they're dumped in favor of a third gay guy.

But if you've decided you don't want to risk dating another bisexual woman...don't date another bisexual woman. That's all.

Lex

[Anonymous]

If you meet a nice bisexual girl who you would go for otherwise and she's interested in you, then I'd encourage you to go for it.

I'm a guy in a relationship with a bisexual guy who leans towards women. I like it, really. It makes me feel kind of special. If I wasn't into bisexuals, then I guess I would have missed the opportunity to be with him, and he's really nice.

i think that's perfectely normal and yes, the bi sexuals can leave you for the man. but the gay women, can also leave you for another woman. so there's really no difference. i think the main thing is that possibly you feel like at least with women you are on an even playing field, you know the girl you're dating likes what women have to offer and you're probably confidnet that you have more to give to her than some other girl. however, with men, there's a different dynamic. you can't give a girl that likes men something a man can give her and maybe you know this, so that's probably why you dont like to go there with bi-women, becuase you know there's somethign that she may want that you will not be able to supply no matter how hard you try and that sets a vulnerability in motion for the jumpstart.

[Mad Man L]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I have the thoughts in my head that bisexual women will end up with a man in the end (maybe it is because the media constantly reinforces that idea?). And bisexuality confuses me because most women I've met that are bisexual are more attracted to men than to women.

There's an old generalisation/joke that "All bisexuals will be having sex with men in 5 years." Basically, it's following the stereotype that all bi men are just closet gays and all bi women are just attentionwhoring or bi so they can make their BF happy by getting into a threesome.

I think the reason for the bias is because if you're dating someone, you'd hate for them to desert you for the opposite sex. I can't really see the difference, but I know one girl had a bi boyfriend, and despite the fact her BF was openly bi, she denied it.

And just by probability etc., there's a 19 in 20 (or so) chance that a bi woman/bi man's next relationship will be with someone of the opposite sex.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by insidehappy

i think that's perfectely normal and yes, the bi sexuals can leave you for the man. but the gay women, can also leave you for another woman. so there's really no difference. i think the main thing is that possibly you feel like at least with women you are on an even playing field, you know the girl you're dating likes what women have to offer and you're probably confidnet that you have more to give to her than some other girl. however, with men, there's a different dynamic. you can't give a girl that likes men something a man can give her and maybe you know this, so that's probably why you dont like to go there with bi-women, becuase you know there's somethign that she may want that you will not be able to supply no matter how hard you try and that sets a vulnerability in motion for the jumpstart.

OP. You may be right about the vulnerability. It's frightening to think that a woman could leave because she gets bored of sex with women or wants to have a baby without adopting and whatnot. I think it is scary because if a bisexual woman really loves having sex with men (with a penis, not a strap-on) then she might get tired of sex with me if that makes sense. It's not good if someone leaves you regardless of if it is for a man or for a woman. But I guess it is the uncertainty of if they are satisfied with a woman (me) or if they want something else.

I don't think men can provide more or less than a woman can....but I'm sure it's different. So what if she gets tired of me and wants something different?

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP. You may be right about the vulnerability. It's frightening to think that a woman could leave because she gets bored of sex with women or wants to have a baby without adopting and whatnot. I think it is scary because if a bisexual woman really loves having sex with men (with a penis, not a strap-on) then she might get tired of sex with me if that makes sense. It's not good if someone leaves you regardless of if it is for a man or for a woman. But I guess it is the uncertainty of if they are satisfied with a woman (me) or if they want something else.

I don't think men can provide more or less than a woman can....but I'm sure it's different. So what if she gets tired of me and wants something different?

i think the main thing is that whether you are gay straight bi or trans anyone can leave you and walk off if they want something else. the best way to do handle this is to have upfront convo during teh dating process about what the person wants and what type of relationshp they are ready for (exclusive, open, committed?). move foreward with someone that wenats the same thing.