Stay with bf or find someone new?

[Anonymous]

Here goes:
I'm male, 28, gay, and I've been out for two years. I've dated a bit here and there. And admins, if this next sentence is gonna get me banned, please let me know, cause I'd hate to lose the ability to help and be helped here in the community:
I have an insanely hardcore kinky side. Like, I like some very dark, twisted things. Actually that wasn't as blatantly sexual as I expected, in retrospect.

Now comes the fun. I found a guy quite by mistake who is incredible. And we're in love. He's everything I want, and I do mean everything, except he's not nearly as kinky as I am. He likes a lot of the same things, and its incresible when we're together, but at the same time, there's still a level of my sex life that he is not willing to explore. Now, there's another gentlemen who is willing to explore that with me, part time, no strings, but my boyfriend is not up for that at all. I'm his and only his. I've never seen someone like him before. And I'm probably biased but, damn, he's perfect and I'd do anything to keep him. But how long before my need for that dark part of my sex life starts to weigh and stress our relationship? What do I do?
Stay in my relationship? Cheat with my friend? End it and hope I find another Mr perfect who has the same dark fantasies I have? Help EC!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you might have to compromise to keep this guy.

Would you rather be alone, having your sexual desires filled, OR

be with this man you love, but not have ALL of them fulfilled?

IMO the first option could feel hollow after a while, and if you cheated on this man with someone else and he found out...well, it could take you a long time to find someone as special as him.

If i were you I'd keep the BF. Stick to masturbating to your fantasies.

[Anonymous]

Your not going to find the perfect person. For me, I would rather have something emotionally real than an amazing sex because after a while the sex starts to become amazing anyways. But that's me, I know others who couldn't be with someone if they weren't getting all their physical needs met.

[Lexington]

What would I do? I'd stick with the boyfriend. But then again, I don't feel all of my kinks need to be fulfilled. I know other people who feel that they MUST be. If that's the case with you, then I'd say breaking up with him sooner than later is the best option.

Lex

[Anonymous]

have you told him about what you want to do with him, or are you just assuming that he will never want to do any of the really kinky stuff you enjoy?

[Anonymous]

1. see if he would like to do any of the kink.

2. if not, and if this is a deal breaker for you, break up sooner versus later. why prolounge it is you are not going to be eventually happy.

3. do not cheat.

4. you may realize that even after you break up and do the kink with the other kink lover, that the rush will only last for a while but you will not have the emotional support and all the great things that really make the person you are currently with great. you will likely miss this and want to come back.

5. it's hard to find somone that possesses everything you want, keep the ones around that possess whatever is MOST important to you.

[Chip]

Depending on how kinky the kinky stuff is (and I'm not suggesting you post details in the thread lol) it might also be sensible to explore a little bit what's driving the underlying desire for the kinky stuff. I'm not saying it's inherently bad, but depending on what it is, it could be fueling some unconscious material going on, in which case paying some attention to that might lower the intensity of the desire for the kinkier stuff and make it easier to find a middle ground with your new boyfriend.

Feel free to PM me or one of the other advisor team if you'd like to talk more about it in a less public setting.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Here goes:
I'm male, 28, gay, and I've been out for two years. I've dated a bit here and there. And admins, if this next sentence is gonna get me banned, please let me know, cause I'd hate to lose the ability to help and be helped here in the community:
I have an insanely hardcore kinky side. Like, I like some very dark, twisted things. Actually that wasn't as blatantly sexual as I expected, in retrospect.

Now comes the fun. I found a guy quite by mistake who is incredible. And we're in love. He's everything I want, and I do mean everything, except he's not nearly as kinky as I am. He likes a lot of the same things, and its incresible when we're together, but at the same time, there's still a level of my sex life that he is not willing to explore. Now, there's another gentlemen who is willing to explore that with me, part time, no strings, but my boyfriend is not up for that at all. I'm his and only his. I've never seen someone like him before. And I'm probably biased but, damn, he's perfect and I'd do anything to keep him. But how long before my need for that dark part of my sex life starts to weigh and stress our relationship? What do I do?
Stay in my relationship? Cheat with my friend? End it and hope I find another Mr perfect who has the same dark fantasies I have? Help EC!

i think ur being mean why leave him because he cant please you so what if he cant please you no ones perfect

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

i think ur being mean why leave him because he cant please you so what if he cant please you no ones perfect

i dont think he is being mean. if you like pepperoni pizza and your partner is totally against ever eating pepperoni pizza with you and only wants to order sausage, that means that if you want to eat pizza with him, you have to never order pepperoni and only order sausage and deny yourself of the peppperoni. eventually you are going to want pepperoni. i guess you guys can compromise and eat cheese pizza but that's kinda boring.

[silverhalo]

You dont say how long you have been going out, depending on how kinky the stuff is it may be that given some time he may be more willing to explore some of your fantasies. Unless you can say 100% he never will and you cant live without them being fulfilled then I would stick with the boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

i dont think he is being mean. if you like pepperoni pizza and your partner is totally against ever eating pepperoni pizza with you and only wants to order sausage, that means that if you want to eat pizza with him, you have to never order pepperoni and only order sausage and deny yourself of the peppperoni. eventually you are going to want pepperoni. i guess you guys can compromise and eat cheese pizza but that's kinda boring.

I don't think it's being mean as well, it depends, is it more important to be having the pepperoni pizza or is it more important to just be eating with the guy .