I'm gay... but I don't like men. (Rant)

[Anonymous]

A brief description of my complaint (because my title didn't elucidate it well...):

I'm sexually attracted to men and only men. But I can't make an emotional connection to a man. I quite literally dislike every single man I've met. I'm pretty sure I don't hate anything like their masculinity or whatits, it's just... literally every male I've ever met has a personality that I don't mesh with.

On the other hand, I find nothing in women that I like except their personalities. My friends are pretty much all females, and even though I'm not (or at least don't consider myself a "femme gay", whatever that might mean to you), at times I think of myself as one of the girls.

Is this normal? It's seriously worrying for me.

[sometimesbetter]

I think it may be the fact that you have a lot of friends that are females. You start to understand them more. You understand their psyche. It may not even be that you feel like a girl; it may just be that you internalize a lot of what your female friends say, so you may think you are, indeed, a girl. I have some friends (girls) who hang out primarily with guys, and they may think or do things that are "masculine". It doesn't mean they feel like guys; they might just be internalizing a lot of things that guys may say or the way guys say 'em, you know?

[Anonymous]

may be femme gay guy may be a good transitional person for you....

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

may be femme gay guy may be a good transitional person for you....

you can get teh physical attraction of the boy and the emotional/and female familiarity of a woman. it's a win win.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

you can get teh physical attraction of the body and the emotional/and female familiarity of a woman. it's a win win.

^^^ oops i meant body.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

you can get teh physical attraction of the boy and the emotional/and female familiarity of a woman. it's a win win.

Not to cause any upset, but I am femme... nothing real womanish about me. Femme gay aren't any closer to being female-esque as any other gay man. Especially considering I know many women who are much more masculine than I am.

To the OP, maybe you are demisexual alongside being gay? You have to get to really know and like a person before you fall in love with them? It's a possibility.

[Ridiculous]

Don't make the mistake of saying you can't have an emotional connection to a man, because unless you've met every single man on the planet, you can only say you haven't made any emotional connections to any men you have met so far.

Okay, I do admit that some people can only form an emotional connection with one gender, and sometimes that gender isn't the same as the one they are sexually attracted to. But from the way you have written it, it doesn't sound like this is the case for you. It sounds like your relationships with women are more "close friendships" rather than anything more.

My opinion is that you just haven't met a man yet that you mesh with. This doesn't mean that that man doesn't exist, it just means you haven't met him yet. There is a very, very wide range of personalities out there.. perhaps where you have been looking so far only attracts men with a certain personality type, so you're going to end up rejecting them all.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

A brief description of my complaint (because my title didn't elucidate it well...):

I'm sexually attracted to men and only men. But I can't make an emotional connection to a man. I quite literally dislike every single man I've met. I'm pretty sure I don't hate anything like their masculinity or whatits, it's just... literally every male I've ever met has a personality that I don't mesh with.

On the other hand, I find nothing in women that I like except their personalities. My friends are pretty much all females, and even though I'm not (or at least don't consider myself a "femme gay", whatever that might mean to you), at times I think of myself as one of the girls.

Is this normal? It's seriously worrying for me.

If you're just out, it seems like some people go through this when they just come out, I know I definitely did. It was difficult for me to feel emotionally connected to a guy probably because most of my life I was lead to believe that guys don't get emotionally connected or at least they don't acknowledge that they do, because that isn't masculine. For me it just took some work on being a little open minded and learning to release some of the mental blocks I had put up.

[Lexington]

Actually, I know a few guys like this. They're sexually attracted to guys, and they're not closeted - they don't care who knows this fact. But they have absolutely no connection with guys. No interest in a relationship or even dating one once. What do they do? They hang out with women, and hook up with guys. They're very careful with their hook-ups, and only do them sporadically, but that's how they deal with their wiring.

Lex

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Lexington

Actually, I know a few guys like this. They're sexually attracted to guys, and they're not closeted - they don't care who knows this fact. But they have absolutely no connection with guys. No interest in a relationship or even dating one once. What do they do? They hang out with women, and hook up with guys. They're very careful with their hook-ups, and only do them sporadically, but that's how they deal with their wiring.

Lex

But that's just depressing!


__

I can say in my case I also relate to the OP because I'm always around girls and have few or only one male true friend. It's a little disheartening because I feel like I'll never find a man for me.

[Anonymous]

I'd say just don't give up on guys. Maybe you'll meet one that acts like a girl? I dunno. But don't give up on guys!
I luckily seem to only connect emotionally with girls and am physically attracted to them. Leaves me to only really have girls in my life, which I actually don't mind.

[Foxywolf]

^^ sorry twas me.

[Lexington]

>>>But that's just depressing!

Well, I don't want to speak for them, but it wouldn't surprise me to find that they're quite happy with the arrangement. Maybe at some point, things will change, and they'll actually want to get into a long-term committed relationship. But right now, they don't feel they're "wired" for that, and so they deal with things on their own terms.

Lex

[Anonymous]

OP here.

It's funny you say that I should go for femme guys, because I'm very much not into femme guys - it's going to probably sound very bigoted here, but when I'm looking for a guy, I'm really looking for a guy - the "gay lisp" (which I do in fact have a pretty bad case of) is a major turn-off, as well as feminine mannerisms. I don't hate femme gays at all - seriously, I have nothing again them! It's just that I don't find flamboyance sexy.
I mean, I seriously would love to be in a relationship with the right person. And I certainly don't not have a functioning sex drive - I'm not going to lie when I say that I'm literally pretty desperate for anything. It's just... I crush on physical appearance alone, and I tend to freeze up and try not to betray my crush by not talking to them. That inevitably leads to me not getting to know them, at least until I man up. And I'm honestly a little tired of it, because when I do eventually meet them, their personality ends up pissing me off so much. It's funny - I think I'm much more sensitive than my friends to a lot of that stuff, because when my friends are like "Oh, he's so sweet, he's so funny," stuff like that, I'm sitting in the corner thinking, "I spent all that time thinking about him... and he's a total fucking douchebag with no sense of humour."

I know I'm very young to be giving up on love or guys, which I'm not. I'm just complaining - hopefully this'll pass! But I just wanted to complain.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I'd say just don't give up on guys. Maybe you'll meet one that acts like a girl? I dunno. But don't give up on guys!

But I'm not attracted to femenine guys at all. I don't knowif I'm the only one who thinks like this...

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

But I'm not attracted to femenine guys at all. I don't knowif I'm the only one who thinks like this...

(OP)

Who are you...? I didn't make this post.

[Lexington]

>>>But I'm not attracted to femenine guys at all. I don't knowif I'm the only one who thinks like this...

Nope, plenty of gay guys aren't attracted to feminine guys.

Lex

[Anonymous]

I'm someone who pretty much only has close male friends but still finds it difficult to connect to guys emotionally at the level of a relationship.