thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 12th Jan 2012, 02:53 PM

i am a member of a volunteer group. we meet twice a week. there's a guy in my co-group that i thought was gay. i do not know why. he is really cute. maybe i was wishful thinking. he looks masculine and behaves as such. so there's no way that i could tell he was gay. i never really talked to him before because he was in another group but i would just see him.

anyway, i went to a gay club and guess who was there. it was him. so i went up to him and started talking. i dont think he recognized me from the group. maybe he never really new i was in teh volunteer group wtih him because we have an intial meeting and then we break out into separate gropus and he is not in my separate group. anyway, this was a big step for me because normally i would hide or leave if i saw someone i knew because i wouldn't want it to get back to my straight world. anyway, since i thought he was cute, i'd figure i would take my shot at it. i asked him if he had a boyfriend and he pointed to a guy that was near him. so i just backed off. he wan't rude or anything but i didn't know what else to say and the guy was coming over to where we were.

anyway, i saw him at the volunteer meeting after that and we just smiled and now we could actually talk because i kinda have a reason now. anyway, we talk and he's actually really nice. he smiles a lot when i talk to him and i dont think anyone else in teh volunteer groups knows about him or me. anyway, when we talked the last time, he had the biggest smile on his face and after we broke into our separate groups i saw him smilig at me from across the room in a bashful way.

since he mentioned having a boyfriend in the club i do not want to disrepect his relationship but i'm wondering now was that really his boyfriend or did he just say that because he wasn't sure who i was (thinking i was some random person). i did see him and guy in teh club together later, so maybe that is his boyfriend. when i talk to him now in at the volunteer meeting, it's kinda cool and it seems like there is an attraction. he smiles a lot and so do i, but i dont know what to do now. since he has a bf ( or maybe he doesn't), should i just keep it at Hi and bye and leave it alone.

i wouldn't mind being friends but i am attracted to him so i would want to be friends that have the possibility of leading somewhere. i dont want to set myself for liking someone that can't return teh rfeelings since i already had been liking him before we met at teh club. any advice?

**Lexington** · 12th Jan 2012, 03:38 PM

Well, there's no harm in asking him out. You can simply pretend you didn't hear about the boyfriend, so if he does say "Actually, I do have a boyfriend", you can say "Oh, that's a shame"...and then ask if you can just hang out as friends (possibly with his boyfriend as well) sometime.

Lex

Ianthe · 12th Jan 2012, 03:45 PM

If you can get him privately, ask him how his boyfriend is doing. Or you could put it in "code"--like, "So, how's your friend? You know, the one that was there when I ran into you that time."

Anonymous · 12th Jan 2012, 05:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ianthe

If you can get him privately, ask him how his boyfriend is doing. Or you could put it in "code"--like, "So, how's your friend? You know, the one that was there when I ran into you that time."

hi thanks lex and ianthe. i am passive aggressive so i like ianthe's suggestion. it works better with my personality. lol. thanks guys. i'll try it the next time.

**Filip** · 13th Jan 2012, 05:04 AM

I'd go for the candid approach: "So, just wondering... was that really your boyfriend in the club? Or just the decoy when strangers ask you?

"

But on second thoughts, I like Ianthe's better. Just asking how his BF is doing is perfectly polite and friendly and shows interest, while also giving you the answer you want.

Anonymous · 13th Jan 2012, 08:54 AM

hi guys, OP here, we had a volunteer meeting and i saw him there, and we talked briefly during the time when there is refreshments and stuff before the meeting starts, but i chickened out and didn't ask him. well there were a lot of poeple around us, and this is not a "gay volunteer group" so i do not know if others know he is gay or not and i definitely do not want to make him feel weird around other people in the group if someone overheard our conversation. that's really the only time i can talk to him because since we split into two separate group, his volunteer group always leaves before mine does, so i can't get a chance to talk to him more alone in teh parking lot. also, during the refreshments, i can't ask him to join me outside because there's only like 15minutes of refreshments/down time before we get going with the meetings and plus i dont want to weird him out like i'm stalking him or something if he is not interested.

i have initiated conversation with him everytime i see him since but should i leave it alone and just assume that if he is interested in single he will somehow ask me out? but maybe he is thinking the same thing. but also, he could just be friendly and i dont want to be teh "gay guy at the volunteer group" that keeps talking to him.

what do you think. the next time i see him what do you think about me saying something like ianthe suggested:

"So, how's your friend? You know, the one that was there when I ran into you that time."

but if he just smiles and says "he's doing good." then i mean, that doesn't leave me with anything really else to say other than just standing there. i guess i could just say 'ok, that's great".

maybe i should just leave it alone. i mean he clearly told me the guy was his boyfriend at the club so if he was interested he wouldn't have said that if it wasn't true. but then again, i know people who initially say their guy friend is their bf to ward off weirdos when they are really not their bf. either way, maybe he thought i was a weirdo.

any other thoughts? i dont want him to feel awkward at the group because if iwasn't interested in someone, i would be nice but i would not want them to always come and talk to me. if i see him next time, should i just smile and acknowledge without going over to talk or should i just wait for him to come talk to me sometimes. what do you think.

silverhalo · 13th Jan 2012, 02:03 PM

I know it wont immediately solve the 'does he have a boyfriend' question, but next time you see him you could ask him if he would like to grab a coffee sometime just in a friendly way and then if he says yes you can ask him further questions about his boyfriend but in a situation where there are not lots of other people around.

mnguy · 14th Jan 2012, 09:38 AM

Wow, one of these, "could this cute guy be gay?" threads where the guy actually is, yay! So you took a chance to talk to him at the club and that's really great

At the very least it's a growth experience for you and hopefully gives you more confidence next time. As for this guy, if he's always smiling at you and not avoiding you I think you could ask him out for a drink/coffee/bite to eat after the meeting or for another time. Maybe he'd mention that he has a bf again or maybe not, that's up to him. Maybe the bf was a cover, they could have an open relationship, they broke up already or they might in the coming months, who knows? You have a common interest in the group and possibly other common interests so you might get along well. I know how hard it might be for you to be just friends and that sucks, but that happens all the time and you can get past it too. I'd say at least you could have a gay friend who you might meet other guys through, and maybe something more. Good luck and keep us posted

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 01:44 AM

op, i thought i would give an update. i saw him at volunteer group a few weeks ago and we talked. i asked him what he did over the weekend and he said he and his friend went on a weekend trip. by the way he described the trip and the way he talked about the guy, i knew he was in a relationship, stuff like, "we hadn't ever done something like that in a long time so we decided to go on a roadtrip." so i kinda knew he was talking about his boyfriend. its ok. i don't feel bad actually. i find myself having less feelings for people anyways nowadays so it doesn't reallly matter. he sounded happy with his relationship so i was happy for him.

scooby · 7th Feb 2012, 01:53 AM

Relationships don't always last, you know...

Just putting it out there

silverhalo · 7th Feb 2012, 02:01 AM

You could still be friends with him, you never know he might have some cute friends.

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 09:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by silverhalo

You could still be friends with him, you never know he might have some cute friends.

i will still be friendly with him of course but i will not push to hang out because he knows im interested and that would not be comfortable for him to explain to his bf, "oh im hanging out with this guy that liked me." if he invites me to hang out with him, sure no problem, but i am not goign to initiate asking him to hang out.

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 10:28 AM

Hello Guys,

Well, I am a newbie here and I came thinking I might find an answer here. I am 26 and I feel so lonely. Broke up with my bf for 3 years now and I haven't got the courage to find someone or nobody has found me yet. I am a cool guy, a good person, volunteer to educational institution and yet I don't have anybody in my life and loneliness is really killing me. I don't have any parents and I've grown up finding things by myself.
I had an eye on that new hottie at work. After all that time of being single and not feeling so much attracted to others, that guy really caught my eyes. So, even if I don't like to do the first move, (which is my real weakness) I decided to talk to him and to know a bit more about him. He was so cool, so funny and his voice really got me mesmerized. But I heard that he was straight and this totally got me down. Now, I'm feeling kinda depressed again, cursing everything and thinking that I might end up staying alone all my life. Do you guys have some advices plz?

silverhalo · 7th Feb 2012, 10:49 AM

Im assuming this isnt the original poster to this thread.

I think you should join some clubs or try out some new hobbies, this will help you meet new people and keep you busy at the same time. You could see if there are any LGBT groups in your area, these are more likely to have potential dating people in them as you are more likely to know if people are gay.

If it is more specifically a partner you are looking for you could try internet dating.

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 11:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Hello Guys,

Well, I am a newbie here and I came thinking I might find an answer here. I am 26 and I feel so lonely. Broke up with my bf for 3 years now and I haven't got the courage to find someone or nobody has found me yet. I am a cool guy, a good person, volunteer to educational institution and yet I don't have anybody in my life and loneliness is really killing me. I don't have any parents and I've grown up finding things by myself.
I had an eye on that new hottie at work. After all that time of being single and not feeling so much attracted to others, that guy really caught my eyes. So, even if I don't like to do the first move, (which is my real weakness) I decided to talk to him and to know a bit more about him. He was so cool, so funny and his voice really got me mesmerized. But I heard that he was straight and this totally got me down. Now, I'm feeling kinda depressed again, cursing everything and thinking that I might end up staying alone all my life. Do you guys have some advices plz?

hi newbie. sorry to hear you are down but it's undertstandable. first thing, you can always start a thread that is dedicated only to your comment/issue. you can do this in the anonymous section or support and advice section by clickin on new thread.

now back to your issue. are you out? do others know you are gay. crushing on guys that you do not know are gay or not really is honestly wishful thinking. sure they may be gay, but they mostly likely are not or even if they are somewhat bi they may or may not want to act on it. do not waste your time doing this. the best way to start something up with anotehr gay guy is to find a guy you know is gay. you can do this by reputable online dating sites, asking freiends to hook you up, or going to gay labeled events. if you are not out then that is going to be harder for you and you will end up crushing on nice guys that want women more often than not. so if you are not out, and not comfortable with being "out" you can still join a reputable dating site and i think you can post a profile without a picture and then you can send a picture to the person you're intersted in without sending it to everyone. you can also go to semi gay places or gay friendly places near or by a gay area (bookstores, coffee shops, art galleries, etc.) and you may be able to meet people there. you can also volunteer on a cause that is not specifically gay but may have a lot of gay people there (aids walk, aids funraisers) or things that indirectly or directly help the gay community. by doing that you're not sdayiing you're gay, you're just saying you support the cause. crushing on a guy that you think is great and you get the butterflies, well thats hard when he turns out to be straight. but do not blame yoruself or feel bad, just realize that most of these things end that way and that the best way to get a gay guy is to get one that you know is gay from the start.

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 11:07 AM

Thanks to you 'SILVERHALO'. I really appreciate your help. I've just finished University and working right now. I was hoping to settle down. I'm the kind of guy who wants a partner for life. Someone who will love me just the way I love him. Well, I know it's kinda fairy tales in our world now. Some friends of mine know that I am gay but most people think I am straight. But I think that I should go forward and find a new hobby. Maybe I should find more gay friends in my area as well. It's gonna be hard because most of them are still in the closet.

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 11:15 AM

I really like your advice 'Anonymous'. First of all my apologize. I'm new here I did not know that I could start my own thread. Well, I'm not really out of the closet and this is really a prob. I know it's kinda stupid to have a crush on someone I don't really know about his sexual preferences. He just was so nice and so into me. Just too bad for me but I will keep on having faith.
Thanks again.

Anonymous · 7th Feb 2012, 12:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I really like your advice 'Anonymous'. First of all my apologize. I'm new here I did not know that I could start my own thread. Well, I'm not really out of the closet and this is really a prob. I know it's kinda stupid to have a crush on someone I don't really know about his sexual preferences. He just was so nice and so into me. Just too bad for me but I will keep on having faith.
Thanks again.

anonymous here. yes those the hard ones especially when you feel like he is into you. also, sometimes these guys are actually gay or bi but just can't act on it or dont want to act on it. but wondering about that when you found out he is straight is really pointless. the best thing is to still be friends with him but accept in your mind that this is just being a friend. if you need to push back a little and not be as friendly with him for a while, thats find too until you can get over him. some people will say "well you shoudl tell him you're gay and see what he says" but honestly, this is a work thing and i do not know if that is a good idea. i dont think you out yourself just so you can see if someone else might be closeted and secretly in love wiht you. i think you should only be out if you want to be out but not expecting anything from someone in return. does that make sense? my advice is just be friends with him he sounds really cool and maybe you need a friend but i know for me, its' hard to really be friends with someoen that you like that you know doesn't like you back.

Anonymous · 24th Feb 2012, 01:12 PM

update on the guy at my volunteer group:

well i see him very regularly at the volunteer group now. we always talk. he smiles a lot at me. i know he is with his boyfriend still because when i asked him about his friend he said he was doign fine. so that just let me know that he is with his boyfriend still. i still speak to him but i do not force it and i remain friendly and actually try and avoid a lot of eye contact with him if we don't happen to talk during the initial volunteer meeting. i still think he is attractive gut i am less "attracted to him" because i know he is off limits. i never suggested hanging out because i honestly did not feel like asking him and i did not want to disrespect his relationship or put him in a weird place if he felt uncomfortable. sure he may have other friends i could get to know but i just felt it was best to leave it alone. i mean, if we did hang out im sure the boyfriend would want to come and honestly i dont want to know the boyfriend or have the boyfriend thinking im trying to secretley get his man. its not that serious. so i just say hi and small talk and thats it.

12th Jan 2012, 02:53 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? i am a member of a volunteer group. we meet twice a week. there's a guy in my co-group that i thought was gay. i do not know why. he is really cute. maybe i was wishful thinking. he looks masculine and behaves as such. so there's no way that i could tell he was gay. i never really talked to him before because he was in another group but i would just see him. anyway, i went to a gay club and guess who was there. it was him. so i went up to him and started talking. i dont think he recognized me from the group. maybe he never really new i was in teh volunteer group wtih him because we have an intial meeting and then we break out into separate gropus and he is not in my separate group. anyway, this was a big step for me because normally i would hide or leave if i saw someone i knew because i wouldn't want it to get back to my straight world. anyway, since i thought he was cute, i'd figure i would take my shot at it. i asked him if he had a boyfriend and he pointed to a guy that was near him. so i just backed off. he wan't rude or anything but i didn't know what else to say and the guy was coming over to where we were. anyway, i saw him at the volunteer meeting after that and we just smiled and now we could actually talk because i kinda have a reason now. anyway, we talk and he's actually really nice. he smiles a lot when i talk to him and i dont think anyone else in teh volunteer groups knows about him or me. anyway, when we talked the last time, he had the biggest smile on his face and after we broke into our separate groups i saw him smilig at me from across the room in a bashful way. since he mentioned having a boyfriend in the club i do not want to disrepect his relationship but i'm wondering now was that really his boyfriend or did he just say that because he wasn't sure who i was (thinking i was some random person). i did see him and guy in teh club together later, so maybe that is his boyfriend. when i talk to him now in at the volunteer meeting, it's kinda cool and it seems like there is an attraction. he smiles a lot and so do i, but i dont know what to do now. since he has a bf ( or maybe he doesn't), should i just keep it at Hi and bye and leave it alone. i wouldn't mind being friends but i am attracted to him so i would want to be friends that have the possibility of leading somewhere. i dont want to set myself for liking someone that can't return teh rfeelings since i already had been liking him before we met at teh club. any advice?

12th Jan 2012, 03:38 PM	#2
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,360 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? Well, there's no harm in asking him out. You can simply pretend you didn't hear about the boyfriend, so if he does say "Actually, I do have a boyfriend", you can say "Oh, that's a shame"...and then ask if you can just hang out as friends (possibly with his boyfriend as well) sometime. Lex

12th Jan 2012, 03:45 PM	#3
Ianthe EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female/Femme Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Oregon Age: 32 Posts: 1,055 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? If you can get him privately, ask him how his boyfriend is doing. Or you could put it in "code"--like, "So, how's your friend? You know, the one that was there when I ran into you that time."

13th Jan 2012, 05:04 AM	#5
Filip Cecile's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Belgium, EU Age: 28 Posts: 3,357 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? I'd go for the candid approach: "So, just wondering... was that really your boyfriend in the club? Or just the decoy when strangers ask you? " But on second thoughts, I like Ianthe's better. Just asking how his BF is doing is perfectly polite and friendly and shows interest, while also giving you the answer you want. __________________ To the world, you're somebody, but to somebody, you're the world...

13th Jan 2012, 08:54 AM	#6
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? hi guys, OP here, we had a volunteer meeting and i saw him there, and we talked briefly during the time when there is refreshments and stuff before the meeting starts, but i chickened out and didn't ask him. well there were a lot of poeple around us, and this is not a "gay volunteer group" so i do not know if others know he is gay or not and i definitely do not want to make him feel weird around other people in the group if someone overheard our conversation. that's really the only time i can talk to him because since we split into two separate group, his volunteer group always leaves before mine does, so i can't get a chance to talk to him more alone in teh parking lot. also, during the refreshments, i can't ask him to join me outside because there's only like 15minutes of refreshments/down time before we get going with the meetings and plus i dont want to weird him out like i'm stalking him or something if he is not interested. i have initiated conversation with him everytime i see him since but should i leave it alone and just assume that if he is interested in single he will somehow ask me out? but maybe he is thinking the same thing. but also, he could just be friendly and i dont want to be teh "gay guy at the volunteer group" that keeps talking to him. what do you think. the next time i see him what do you think about me saying something like ianthe suggested: "So, how's your friend? You know, the one that was there when I ran into you that time." but if he just smiles and says "he's doing good." then i mean, that doesn't leave me with anything really else to say other than just standing there. i guess i could just say 'ok, that's great". maybe i should just leave it alone. i mean he clearly told me the guy was his boyfriend at the club so if he was interested he wouldn't have said that if it wasn't true. but then again, i know people who initially say their guy friend is their bf to ward off weirdos when they are really not their bf. either way, maybe he thought i was a weirdo. any other thoughts? i dont want him to feel awkward at the group because if iwasn't interested in someone, i would be nice but i would not want them to always come and talk to me. if i see him next time, should i just smile and acknowledge without going over to talk or should i just wait for him to come talk to me sometimes. what do you think.

13th Jan 2012, 02:03 PM	#7
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,129 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? I know it wont immediately solve the 'does he have a boyfriend' question, but next time you see him you could ask him if he would like to grab a coffee sometime just in a friendly way and then if he says yes you can ask him further questions about his boyfriend but in a situation where there are not lots of other people around.

14th Jan 2012, 09:38 AM	#8
mnguy EC Regular Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: People likely assume Location: MN Age: 36 Posts: 889 Join Date: Nov 2006	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? Wow, one of these, "could this cute guy be gay?" threads where the guy actually is, yay! So you took a chance to talk to him at the club and that's really great At the very least it's a growth experience for you and hopefully gives you more confidence next time. As for this guy, if he's always smiling at you and not avoiding you I think you could ask him out for a drink/coffee/bite to eat after the meeting or for another time. Maybe he'd mention that he has a bf again or maybe not, that's up to him. Maybe the bf was a cover, they could have an open relationship, they broke up already or they might in the coming months, who knows? You have a common interest in the group and possibly other common interests so you might get along well. I know how hard it might be for you to be just friends and that sucks, but that happens all the time and you can get past it too. I'd say at least you could have a gay friend who you might meet other guys through, and maybe something more. Good luck and keep us posted

7th Feb 2012, 01:44 AM	#9
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? op, i thought i would give an update. i saw him at volunteer group a few weeks ago and we talked. i asked him what he did over the weekend and he said he and his friend went on a weekend trip. by the way he described the trip and the way he talked about the guy, i knew he was in a relationship, stuff like, "we hadn't ever done something like that in a long time so we decided to go on a roadtrip." so i kinda knew he was talking about his boyfriend. its ok. i don't feel bad actually. i find myself having less feelings for people anyways nowadays so it doesn't reallly matter. he sounded happy with his relationship so i was happy for him.

7th Feb 2012, 01:53 AM	#10
scooby Newbie Dooby Doo Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Looking more and more like "gay" is the right word Out Status: I'd lose my job, my family, everything. Location: The epicenter of religious bigotry Age: 31 Posts: 78 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? Relationships don't always last, you know... Just putting it out there

7th Feb 2012, 02:01 AM	#11
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,129 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? You could still be friends with him, you never know he might have some cute friends.

7th Feb 2012, 10:28 AM	#13
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? Hello Guys, Well, I am a newbie here and I came thinking I might find an answer here. I am 26 and I feel so lonely. Broke up with my bf for 3 years now and I haven't got the courage to find someone or nobody has found me yet. I am a cool guy, a good person, volunteer to educational institution and yet I don't have anybody in my life and loneliness is really killing me. I don't have any parents and I've grown up finding things by myself. I had an eye on that new hottie at work. After all that time of being single and not feeling so much attracted to others, that guy really caught my eyes. So, even if I don't like to do the first move, (which is my real weakness) I decided to talk to him and to know a bit more about him. He was so cool, so funny and his voice really got me mesmerized. But I heard that he was straight and this totally got me down. Now, I'm feeling kinda depressed again, cursing everything and thinking that I might end up staying alone all my life. Do you guys have some advices plz?

7th Feb 2012, 10:49 AM	#14
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,129 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? Im assuming this isnt the original poster to this thread. I think you should join some clubs or try out some new hobbies, this will help you meet new people and keep you busy at the same time. You could see if there are any LGBT groups in your area, these are more likely to have potential dating people in them as you are more likely to know if people are gay. If it is more specifically a partner you are looking for you could try internet dating.

7th Feb 2012, 11:07 AM	#16
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? Thanks to you 'SILVERHALO'. I really appreciate your help. I've just finished University and working right now. I was hoping to settle down. I'm the kind of guy who wants a partner for life. Someone who will love me just the way I love him. Well, I know it's kinda fairy tales in our world now. Some friends of mine know that I am gay but most people think I am straight. But I think that I should go forward and find a new hobby. Maybe I should find more gay friends in my area as well. It's gonna be hard because most of them are still in the closet.

7th Feb 2012, 11:15 AM	#17
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? I really like your advice 'Anonymous'. First of all my apologize. I'm new here I did not know that I could start my own thread. Well, I'm not really out of the closet and this is really a prob. I know it's kinda stupid to have a crush on someone I don't really know about his sexual preferences. He just was so nice and so into me. Just too bad for me but I will keep on having faith. Thanks again.

24th Feb 2012, 01:12 PM	#19
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: thought a guy was gay and it turned out he was...NOW WHAT? update on the guy at my volunteer group: well i see him very regularly at the volunteer group now. we always talk. he smiles a lot at me. i know he is with his boyfriend still because when i asked him about his friend he said he was doign fine. so that just let me know that he is with his boyfriend still. i still speak to him but i do not force it and i remain friendly and actually try and avoid a lot of eye contact with him if we don't happen to talk during the initial volunteer meeting. i still think he is attractive gut i am less "attracted to him" because i know he is off limits. i never suggested hanging out because i honestly did not feel like asking him and i did not want to disrespect his relationship or put him in a weird place if he felt uncomfortable. sure he may have other friends i could get to know but i just felt it was best to leave it alone. i mean, if we did hang out im sure the boyfriend would want to come and honestly i dont want to know the boyfriend or have the boyfriend thinking im trying to secretley get his man. its not that serious. so i just say hi and small talk and thats it.