nobody compares to my CRUSH....help

[Anonymous]

hi all i need your help. i had a crush. he was awesome, he was BEYOND ATTRACTIVE and so humble. he had/has a lot going for himself. we used to chop it up a lot and then things ended once i told him i liked him. he was straight. i felt silly for thinking that he may have been interested in anything more than platonic friendship

since that time i have tried dating guys. this was all new to me anyway, but none have ever measured up to the crush i had in terms of looks, in terms of humility, and in terms of having something going for theirselves. sure there have been some attrative ones, but they "knew they were attractive" and it was a turn off. there have been some other people but their value system never matched with mine.

i used to get so excited whenever i would see, talk or text or receives contact from my crush. it was like a rush that i had never felt before. honestly no one else has been able to make me feel that way.

i am not pining away for my crush. i know that will not happen and i moved on. i tried to date others, but i do not ever feel the same excitment about htem as i did for the crush. they just dont measure up. noone will and i'm not looking for a clone of the crush but just to have that same excitement factor with someone else. i guess i just felt my crush was an awesome combo and i have not met another combo like that since. any advice?

[Anonymous]

um can somebody respond???

[Dewthulu]

Don't look for anything like your old crush. The truth is, that he's best represented in an amalgamation of other people. A little personality here, a little looks there. That's all people are- blends of specific traits that are shaped by day-to-day interactions. You won't find anyone who's good enough of a match. So stop looking for something near the same excitement as your relationship (as friends) with your crush. Just find someone that you like, and hopefully likes you back. Don't compare anything to your previous relationships, because the interacting nexuses of your lives will fall together in a different way than what you've felt with anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Hmm... Well I don't know how much I can help you but I'll give it my best shot. I think part of the problem is that you've put your crush on a pedestal, so to speak. You say that there's a certain combination about the straight guy that you are looking for in other guys. Well, have you thought about other combinations? Another thing: is it possible that you may be finding more flaws in these guys and have dismissed them completely simply because they don't compare to your crush? Everyone is different and everyone has different strengths and weakness. It could be that you're trying to find all of your crushes strengths into all of these guys. A guy you date might not be as humble as your crush, but he may have a better sense of humor than your crush did. Just remember this crush of yours wasn't perfect and neither will any of the guys you date.

If none of what I've said before rings true, then where are you finding these guys? It could be that you've unfortunately come across a ton of bad guys and that is why you don't have those same feelings. As my mother likes to say, "you have to kiss a ton of frogs before you get to the prince" (or something like that) You might have to change your dating strategy and go to a different scene to get the kind of guy you want.

Hope that helped

[dreamcatcher]

^Oops that was me. Anonymous button got me

[scrivener]

I'm really sorry, honey. Exactly last year at this time I went through the SAME EXACT THING. The guy's face made my heart break, it was what I wanted so badly. Just everything about him put me into that crush mode; that awful state of depression and mania where you are just hardcore crushing on someone else.

The painful truth is this: You are going to have to get over it. He's straight. He is not into you. I became friends with my crush and let him know how I felt. We are now very close friends, and I'm even super best friends with his girlfriend

In the interim, it is agonizingly painful and depressing. And again, I am so sorry It's like every bad thing in the world about your meaningless existence just blows up like a Macy's Parade of caricature depression.

That is part of the experience. I can't separate that for you. But what I can tell you is, you get better. You do lose interest. The above-stuff you cannot escape. Nobody can, heartbreak happens to us all. But what comes next you can modify. I promise you, a thousand times over, it will end and you will move on.

I like to believe that this experience made me into a stronger person. I'm still single, of course; we're gay, so the curse seems to indicate that we're never going to be with whom we really want. Or with anyone at all. You just end up alone, maybe a little bit bitter but thank god, you are over that crush.

Skip the steps where you tear yourself apart for not being good enough, or for having to be gay and not being able to get the people you want and the lifestyle you want. The older members of the gay community will go on and on and how this isn't true, but I think the sooner you can accept this natural course (it will repeat), the more you can learn to actually control the crush process.

I got over it. These truths are hard. I say them because I really, really feel your pain. Fewer things are worse, and in a community where self-hatred is already common you shouldn't make it worse.

[ukeye]

This is very common..not a day goes by without a straight crush post. Don't beat yourself up about it - I've been there and I'd say every other gay/bi person has too.

What people say is right - it is mostly fantasty/putting them on a pedestal. The key is not to give up and realise no one is perfect.. the straight guy crushes imo are kind of a way out for us.. particulary if we are not out.. its like 'oh I can skip the whole coming out and confusion my friend and I will be together and work through it'.. this might be true in the movies, but real life is far from a disney love feature, even further when glbt people are still not considered equal in society.

Its hard, that isn't to be discredited, but the sooner you can get over these type of crushes, open up and be available and give things a try with other guys, the better off you will be. Have faith in this!

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by scrivener

I'm still single, of course; we're gay, so the curse seems to indicate that we're never going to be with whom we really want. Or with anyone at all. You just end up alone, maybe a little bit bitter but thank god, you are over that crush.

Skip the steps where you tear yourself apart for not being good enough, or for having to be gay and not being able to get the people you want and the lifestyle you want. The older members of the gay community will go on and on and how this isn't true, but I think the sooner you can accept this natural course (it will repeat), the more you can learn to actually control the crush process.

I got over it. These truths are hard. I say them because I really, really feel your pain. Fewer things are worse, and in a community where self-hatred is already common you shouldn't make it worse.

OP here but this exactly how i feel. sometimes i think people try and paint this rosy colored picture of how beign gay is great but sometimes and especially lately i have been feel exactly like what you're saying. like the realities of being gay dont always get addressed here. i guess people want to keep people positive and upbeat and i can understand that, but sometimes i think to myself, "i see that this is how things are and i have to accept that and stop fooling myself. it sucks sometimes. thanks for posting. you made me more depressed but atleast it real talk.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by ukeye

This is very common..not a day goes by without a straight crush post. Don't beat yourself up about it - I've been there and I'd say every other gay/bi person has too.

What people say is right - it is mostly fantasty/putting them on a pedestal. The key is not to give up and realise no one is perfect.. the straight guy crushes imo are kind of a way out for us.. particulary if we are not out.. its like 'oh I can skip the whole coming out and confusion my friend and I will be together and work through it'.. this might be true in the movies, but real life is far from a disney love feature, even further when glbt people are still not considered equal in society.

Its hard, that isn't to be discredited, but the sooner you can get over these type of crushes, open up and be available and give things a try with other guys, the better off you will be. Have faith in this!

op here, thank bro, i get what you're saying but everyone keeps saying that when you are in teh closets you get less chances and opportunities to meet great people but honestly, it makes it seem like when you come out you start skipping along the yellow brick road and all these awesome "out" guys are just there for teh pickings. but the reality seems like there's not that many or more great options whether you are out or not. idk, maybe what scrivener said was right ::::::

[Anonymous]

Truth is, crushes are all the same. Straight, lgbt, etc., are all the same. When we fall for someone that someone becomes perfect and nothing will change it until we fall for someone else - who will then become the new image of perfection.

Keep searching! You'll eventually get over your crush...it's not hard, just let time do all the work and live your life as comfortably as you could possibly manage.

Failed crushes aren't limited to us. We're just a little more susceptible for obvious reasons. Think of it this way, at least you don't have to wait till after a few hook ups before you're told he's not interested. I know loads of girls that's been used by Mr. Perfect and still believe he's perfect after.

Cheers bro! You're not alone...it's hard shit but it does get better. Believe it