My parents are drug addicts

[Anonymous]

My mom, and my step dad both smoke cigarettes and smoke weed. This really really bothers me.

I normally go and hang out with my step dad to play games with him but they're always like "want to light up?" I want them to stop...but they always tell me "it's our life, don't judge us." They waste all their money on cigs and weed. They get a ziploc bag full...and spend 30 dollars a day on cigs... They tell me it helps them cope with their problems. How can I help them quit both? I don't want to get lung cancer from how much they smoke, and I don't want to lose them. My mom has lost a ton of weight from smoking and stress when my dad left. She at least lost 100 pounds. I'm afraid they'll be taken away, or there will be a drug bust one day. They almost got caught once and used me as a decoy...

Please help

[AloneOutHere]

My best friend's mom was a two pack a day smoker. He knew he had to stop her before her and his family's health was jeopardized. His plans were as follows:

1) he took her cigarettes and hid them or flushed them down the toilet
--this was only successful for about two weeks and I wouldn't try it if your parents are abusive or might try to hurt you for them. (safety is important)

2) he sat his mom down and told her that he didn't want to be around her and loved her less because she was smoking and hurting herself and him.
--this was very successful and got her down to a pack a day..

3) Finally he just left. He made a final stand and stayed at my house for about a week. He lived here, ate dinner and breakfast here, we took him to school, and in the end his mom said she would quit just to have him back. It worked... just an idea.

Just some ideas. I personally don't really know what situation you're in, but i hope my friend's situation helps

[Anonymous]

Hmm, as a 10 cig a day smoker I'm not against it with some boundaries, but they're taking it too far and wasting a lot of money and it's hurting you and I don't agree with that. They shouldn't smoke in the house or car where it impacts you. I hate the smell of smoke on my clothes/in the house so I always go outside and don't impact others with my smoke and they should be considerate of you. Don't throw their cigs/weed since that's theft/vandalism. I like the suggestion of having a serious talk with them, although that could be really hard as a kid and living somewhere else if that's possible. Do you have other relatives or family friends you can get to help you with confronting them? I wish you the best and hope your mom can change if she can see how much it upsets you. Hang in there.

[Chip]

No offense to the 10 cigarette a day smoker, but statistically speaking, with about 95% reliability (according to the british medical journal Nature), you will be an addicted smoker, probably a pack a day, within a year. That's if you're not already an addicted smoker, which you probably are. Of course, you don't think so. But if you really believe that, give them up entirely for 90 days and then go back to them. I will wager that you won't find that easy. Nicotine is more addictive than heroin.

So with regard to the OP, I completely understand your concern. The key to the issue is your parents' explanation: They are using the cigarettes and weed to self-medicate to deal with anxiety or stress. So unless they have a better coping strategy, it's not going to be very effective to just ask them to quit.

I think the approach is to tell them that you want to have them around later in your life, and you know that with their current behavior, you won't. And that the statistics are extremely clear that inhaling second hand smoke is extremely dangerous, and you don't want that for yourself. And then, before talking to them, do your homework and find some options for them to quit. The American Lung Association usually has free or very low-cost classes available, and they usually also offer resources for dealing with the anxiety and stress that people are dealing with that creates the urge to smoke in the first place.

But the bottom line is, like any other addicts, your parents need to make this decision themselves. If they don't want to quit and aren't committed, nothing you say or do will be effective. If you throw their stuff out, they'll buy more, or start hiding it from you. You can encourage them, you can withdraw from their lives by being around the house as little as possible and make it clear you're doing so because you don't want to be around their smoking, and perhaps the discomfort of losing the constant contact of their child will get their attention. But ultimately, they are the only ones who can decide they want to quit.