Scary roommate... help! - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 14th Jan 2012, 03:57 PM

I have a scary situation. I am a woman.

I am roommates with a guy who has a major crush on me. He's told me to my face and that he loves me. He has tried cuddling with me and kissing me on the cheek but I keep telling him we're only friends and onlye ver will be friends. Today, he gave me a hug but then turned it into kissing my cheek and when I pulled away he tried to turn my head so he could give me a lip lock.

I clearly said no after he kissed my cheek. I have been raped in the past and don't want a third repeat.

I slammed the door, removing myself from the situation.

I am thinking of telling my other roommates what happened even though he apologized.. but the thing is his sister is one of my other roommates.

I need advice here...

Anonymous · 14th Jan 2012, 03:59 PM

I should rephrase that... I slammed teh door shut and went for a walk, removing myself from the situation.

Hana Solo · 14th Jan 2012, 04:11 PM

His behaviour is completely inappropriate. You have clearly told him that you are not interested and he keeps harrasing you. Tell someone you trust. Someone who can back you up. You need backup. Try talking to him and having a serious discussion about what is appropriate and what is not and reinterate your stance. If he chooses to ignore you then, you need to do something else.

Can you move out if it gets drastic?

Sorry I can't help you with alternate courses of action.

You were right to remove yourself from the situation.

**Chip** · 14th Jan 2012, 04:13 PM

In any case, it seems clear that he doesn't have good boundaries. I strongly suggest you *do* tell your housemates, and perhaps have a serious talk with him. Hopefully this will get the message, but If he really, really doesn't get it, the next step might be to warn him that if he persists, you can and will file a police report.

Everyone is entitled to live in a safe place where they don't have to worry about inappropriate behavior, but particularly given your history, I can see why this is something that would be particularly sensitive for you.

Bibliophile · 14th Jan 2012, 04:24 PM

I would tell you roommates about it. I would also warn him that this is sexual assault if you wanted to press it that far. Oh and if he tries it again I recommend a good knee to the groin. No one ever has the right to lay hands on you if you have said no.

Anonymous · 14th Jan 2012, 04:30 PM

That is unfair and it shouldn't be happening. While it may be difficult or awkward to have the talks with him and your roommates you definetley should. He made this crappy situation come up, not you and now your safety/personal boundries are begining to be encroached upon. So you're definetley right to tell your housemates even if one is his sister.

It's especially important due to the fact that you're roommates and there's no gurantee you can avoid being alone with him.

**Lexington** · 14th Jan 2012, 04:37 PM

Definitely tell. There's zero excuse for what he's doing, and you need to have zero tolerance for it. Do your utmost not to be in the house alone with him, and if it ends up that you are, lock yourself in your room.

Lex

Anonymous · 14th Jan 2012, 06:21 PM

Get out of this living situation. I was in a very similar situation except I did get raped. Get out. Don't be afraid of offending anyone, you have every right to tell his sister. Tell someone, just don't get raped. It's hell. Again.

RaeofLite · 14th Jan 2012, 07:51 PM

Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I told one roommate. I tell the other roommate later tonight.

14th Jan 2012, 03:57 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Scary roommate... help! I have a scary situation. I am a woman. I am roommates with a guy who has a major crush on me. He's told me to my face and that he loves me. He has tried cuddling with me and kissing me on the cheek but I keep telling him we're only friends and onlye ver will be friends. Today, he gave me a hug but then turned it into kissing my cheek and when I pulled away he tried to turn my head so he could give me a lip lock. I clearly said no after he kissed my cheek. I have been raped in the past and don't want a third repeat. I slammed the door, removing myself from the situation. I am thinking of telling my other roommates what happened even though he apologized.. but the thing is his sister is one of my other roommates. I need advice here...

14th Jan 2012, 03:59 PM	#2
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Scary roommate... help! I should rephrase that... I slammed teh door shut and went for a walk, removing myself from the situation.

14th Jan 2012, 04:11 PM	#3
Hana Solo EC's Dear Abby- talk to me! Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Mostly into girls Out Status: Closet is getting a little crowded Location: Not even a dot on the Australian map Age: 17 Posts: 1,089 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: Scary roommate... help! His behaviour is completely inappropriate. You have clearly told him that you are not interested and he keeps harrasing you. Tell someone you trust. Someone who can back you up. You need backup. Try talking to him and having a serious discussion about what is appropriate and what is not and reinterate your stance. If he chooses to ignore you then, you need to do something else. Can you move out if it gets drastic? Sorry I can't help you with alternate courses of action. You were right to remove yourself from the situation. __________________ Thor: No matter what he's done, Loki is from Asgard and is my brother Black Widow: He killed 80 people in two days. Thor: ...adopted. ~The Avengers, 2012

14th Jan 2012, 04:13 PM	#4
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,544 Join Date: May 2008	Re: Scary roommate... help! In any case, it seems clear that he doesn't have good boundaries. I strongly suggest you do tell your housemates, and perhaps have a serious talk with him. Hopefully this will get the message, but If he really, really doesn't get it, the next step might be to warn him that if he persists, you can and will file a police report. Everyone is entitled to live in a safe place where they don't have to worry about inappropriate behavior, but particularly given your history, I can see why this is something that would be particularly sensitive for you.

14th Jan 2012, 04:24 PM	#5
Bibliophile EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: My sisters and close friends. Location: Connecticut Age: 26 Posts: 357 Join Date: Feb 2011	Re: Scary roommate... help! I would tell you roommates about it. I would also warn him that this is sexual assault if you wanted to press it that far. Oh and if he tries it again I recommend a good knee to the groin. No one ever has the right to lay hands on you if you have said no. __________________ "There is a beast in man that needs to be exercised, not exorcised." — Anton Szandor LaVey “I swear by my life and my love of it that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine.”

14th Jan 2012, 04:30 PM	#6
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Scary roommate... help! That is unfair and it shouldn't be happening. While it may be difficult or awkward to have the talks with him and your roommates you definetley should. He made this crappy situation come up, not you and now your safety/personal boundries are begining to be encroached upon. So you're definetley right to tell your housemates even if one is his sister. It's especially important due to the fact that you're roommates and there's no gurantee you can avoid being alone with him.

14th Jan 2012, 04:37 PM	#7
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,360 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Scary roommate... help! Definitely tell. There's zero excuse for what he's doing, and you need to have zero tolerance for it. Do your utmost not to be in the house alone with him, and if it ends up that you are, lock yourself in your room. Lex

14th Jan 2012, 06:21 PM	#8
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Scary roommate... help! Get out of this living situation. I was in a very similar situation except I did get raped. Get out. Don't be afraid of offending anyone, you have every right to tell his sister. Tell someone, just don't get raped. It's hell. Again.

14th Jan 2012, 07:51 PM	#9
RaeofLite I've got the moves like Jagger Full Member Gender: ♀ Orientation: Sapphicly inclined Out Status: My closet is for clothes! Location: BC, Canada Age: 23 Posts: 3,108 Join Date: Apr 2009	Re: Scary roommate... help! Thanks guys. I appreciate it. I told one roommate. I tell the other roommate later tonight. __________________ People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." -Bonnie Jean Wasmund (and the lesbians)

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