Confused about sexuality

[Anonymous]

I'm male, and I love women, I love looking at them, having sex with them, and I can only imagine ever being in a romantic relationship with a woman.

I'm not attracted to men. Of course, I can tell when a certain man is handsome or unattractive. But I'm not attracted to them. I would never say, "Damn, he's fine!" I'm know deep down inside that I could never, ever be in a romantic relationship with a man.

I could never date a man or do loving things with a man like I could with a woman, I truly believe I am incapable of having those feelings for a man. It just doesn't feel right to even think about that, it makes me go "eww."

Yet, I've watched plenty of gay porn, for years now, have been turned on by it for a long time, and recently, I have even talked to men who are gay and have almost hooked up with them just to mess around sexually.

I'm even confusing myself!

[Anonymous]

You may just be a Kinsey 1. You kind of sound like me, but the thought of that happening doesn't sicken me and some guys I have found myself attracted to. But I know it can never reach the way I feel towards girls. I'm a Kinsey 2.

[silverhalo]

Just because the thought of gays or gay sex doesnt repulse you it doesnt make you gay, I think you are most likely straight but with an experimental side.

[Chip]

Orrrrrrr.... you could be experiencing the denial that is common to someone who is just beginning to come to terms with the fact that they may not be straight. In processing any "loss" (in this case, the loss of identity as a straight man), there are stages that people go through: Denial - Anger - Bargaining - Grief - Acceptance

Here's what makes me think that *might* be a possibility.

When someone says something like "I could never date a man or do loving things with a man like I could with a woman" that is sometimes (but certainly not always) a form of "purring"... saying it to convince yourself, to make yourself feel better about yourself. It's a subtle distinction, but "I could never" is different from "I'm simply not interested in" or "I'm not attracted to." One says "I'm not going to allow myself to do that" the other is "That isn't in any way appealing."

Secondly... you watch gay porn and are turned on by it. So then the question becomes, when you watch straight porn, are you equally or more turned on by that? When you masturbate without watching porn, are you thinking about guys, or girls?

See... attraction comes from the unconscious, and that's where our true orientation lies. But our conscious mind, in the early stages, often gets in the way (going back to the 5 stages and looking at denial) saying "No, that can't be! I could NEVER do that! I'm not gay! Definitely not!!"

Someone who is completely straight generally says something like "Meh, I just don't get it. I'm not at all attracted to guys, gay porn does nothing for me, isn't arousing, and frankly is kinda gross." But there usually isn't a violent "I could never do that" associated with it.

I want to be clear... I'm not saying you're gay. I'm only saying there are some contradictions in what you've said, and when you look at the contradictions, and then at what denial looks like, it's possible that what you're experiencing is the first stage of understanding that you aren't totally straight.

I'm sure that the above might be somewhat upsetting. But I invite you to explore the things I've asked about above and see how it sits for you. You're the only one that can honestly answer the questions, but the best thing you can do is simply be openminded.

If you're straight, no amount of listening to people at EC trying to convince you that you're gay is going to make you gay. And if you're gay, no amount of reparative therapy or praying or Bible thumping or listening to people trying to convince you otherwise will make you straight. You are what you are, and it's simply a matter of coming to understanding about what that means.

If you can talk more about the issues above, we might be able to give you some additional insight. And if you would like to talk privately, you can PM me or any of the other advisor team members and we'll be happy to talk with you.

[Anonymous]

Also as a poster above said, look into the kinsey scale for bisexuality. Most guys, research shows, fall somewhere in the middle rather than a exact on one end or the other. Basically what's happening here as well. Kinsey 1 would mean slight interest, but none really beyond slight interest which wouldn't go anywhere.