I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 15th Jan 2012, 02:44 PM

I really am not atracted to femenine gay guys. But I know a bi friend who claims he'd date a femenine guy (He's Masculine and so am I)

So I want to know, Am I the only masculine gay guy who wants to date masculine gay guys? I mean, if I wanted to date a femenine person I'd go after a girl. I don't want a man who is too much of a lady.

Anyone feeling like this?

duriru · 15th Jan 2012, 02:56 PM

Well, personally I'm attracted to masculine guys, but mostly because since I'm not out and I don't plan to be out while I still live in this country (only to maybe some friends in the future and maybe family, but definitely not anyone else), so it'd be easier for me to date a masculine guy because if I dated a feminine guy there would be to many questions and I'd probably get outed or something.

Although I do think that if I moved, I'd still be uncomfortable with a feminine guy because I'm fairly straight-acting and there aren't many feminine guys here, so I'm not used to them. But I'm open to the option of dating a feminine guy, even if I felt somewhat uncomfortable at first, I'd still give him a chance if he had a nice personality.

Jerseyboy · 15th Jan 2012, 03:18 PM

Yeah, I know what you mean. I think that I prefer masculine guys too, but like, who knows, you know? If me and a feminine guy click, then I wouldn't be against it =] I think it's all about just being open to the possibility, because honestly, what's the harm? If you automatically disregard all feminine guys, then you could be missing out on something really meaningful, you never know. While they may seem unappealing now, I think that you should never rule a group of people out from the start just because of some previous misconceptions or stereotypes revolving around all feminine guys and annoying mannerisms, flamboyance,etc.., but that's just what I believe.

Plus, just some some food for thought, where is the line between masculine and feminine really drawn? Do they have to love sports and video games to be masculine, and talk with a lisp and like fashion to be considered feminine? That's just why I'm open to the idea because no one fits the mold exactly, and you never know who you might like.

Anonymous · 15th Jan 2012, 03:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jerseyboy

Plus, just some some food for thought, where is the line between masculine and feminine really drawn? Do they have to love sports and video games to be masculine, and talk with a lisp and like fashion to be considered feminine? That's just why I'm open to the idea because no one fits the mold exactly, and you never know who you might like.

Being masculine I am not into sports and like fashion. I'm not fixated into stereotypes, thats not the problem. What I mean is guys who dress with glitter and are girlier than a girl herself. Its like they're the ones who care about stereotypes and imitating what a gay guy should be like.

silverhalo · 15th Jan 2012, 03:47 PM

I know im not a gay guy so perhaps I cant really comment, but I dont see how you can say this. If I was to describe my ideal girl it wouldnt be a butch girl with really short hair that dresses in mens clothing however I wouldnt ever say I wouldnt date one as I dont think you can ever know. I think you can find love in all sorts of places if you dont immediately exclude people before you get to know them.

Im not saying that you are all going to fall in love with feminine guys but I dont think you should automatically exclude them all from your dating potential.

Nightmaric · 15th Jan 2012, 03:48 PM

Then, that just means they have a different style. If you find it isn't in your tastes you don't have to date them. It's not discrimination it's the same thing if you aren't attracted to big muscles or blond hair. It's just a matter of taste and as long as you arent going out of your way to tell them they will never date you, you aren't doing anything shameful in my book. But, just remember you could be missing out on the coolest person ever by going off their appearance. Just do whatever makes you feel good I suppose is the best advice I can give you.

Anonymous · 15th Jan 2012, 03:51 PM

well in all honesty i have no problem with flamboyancy, but i like to see myself with a guy who is as masculine or more than i am, dont judge me, it's just how the stone rolls, but hey, just like one of the posters have brought up, if i click with a someone feminine, then heck, we will go from there.

from Aaron

Black Cat · 15th Jan 2012, 03:57 PM

I want a guy that's himself. If that means he acts feminine, then so be it. As long as he's being true to who he really is. The only time a feminine guy turns me off is when he's acting feminine for the hell of it.

Kidd · 15th Jan 2012, 04:12 PM

I don't think you should write anyone off. Just because someone is 'feminine,' it doesn't mean they won't have similar interests or that you won't have amazing chemistry with them. Maybe a feminine gay guy will know all about Chanel and Gucci and maybe he'll even carry a purse, but he knows more about football and hockey than you do and he's an amazing athlete that grew up in the boy scouts. People aren't two-dimensional. Labels like 'feminine' and 'masculine' don't do anyone justice.

Personally, I'm open to anything and whatever happens, happens. I've met, been attracted to, and been hit on by both 'masculine' gays and pretty 'feminine' gays. I enjoyed their attention and company, I had fun regardless.

AloneOutHere · 15th Jan 2012, 04:33 PM

I personally don't think that it matters. If somebodyy makes me smile and happy, I'm going to like them.. whether they are a drag queen or a jock. To me it doesn't matter and I don't think it should for you. If you do only feel an attraction to masculine guys, then thats okay. That's your preference. Embrace it and be happy.

midwestgirl89 · 15th Jan 2012, 04:48 PM

I'm not a gay guy so Idk if I should write but I do know that I'm not usually attracted to really "masculine-looking" lesbians. But I have surprised myself before. You never know. I do think it might be weird for me at first if I was with someone that wears really masculine men's clothing and such but it could happen.

I see where you are coming from in that you are attracted to "masculine" men. You may surprise yourself as well though. Don't be afraid to get to know more "effeminate" men. Whoever you fall in love with, whether they're effeminate or masculine, it'll be a man.

Even if he is what society would consider effeminate, he still is a man. A man is a man is a man.

**Lexington** · 15th Jan 2012, 04:59 PM

It's a common refrain. "I'm gay. That means I like MEN. Not guys who act like GIRLS." But it's also been my experience that:

1. the guys who are most apt to proclaim this aren't quite as masculine as they like to think they are, and

2. they often end up criticizing other masculine guys for "not giving them a chance" - to wit, for doing pretty much what they themselves are doing.

Best bet? Just play it by ear. Get to know guys of all stripes. If you don't feel the click, don't date them - easy as that.

Lex

Anonymous · 15th Jan 2012, 07:25 PM

i feel as though you have every right to like whoever you want. i also do not think that you are bashing feminine guys at all. i also do not think you shoudl waste your time or anyone elses if you know you are not attracted to effeminate men. some have suggested not to count anyone out, and i guess thats true but it also is a waste to time to start anything with someone you lknow you are not goign to like. these same people that are telling you not to rule anything out aren't also telling you that maybe you should give women a try... my point is, tehy wouldn't recommend you shoudl date women because they would say you are leading her on when you know you dont really like her. so my point is, you shouldn't date effeminate guys or feel like you have to just to make someoen else happy. you're not goingi to like them, so what's the point.

if you are not to "count anything out" maybe you shoudl give women a try too..

Anonymous · 15th Jan 2012, 07:32 PM

I thought I would only date a 'masculine' guy, but you never know until you meet someone. I got a vibe from my boyfriend right away that he might be gay, he's not flamboyant or anything I just felt something. In contrast, it took me making a move to convince him I wasn't just a really friendly straight guy. I hate stereotypes and you'll learn they don't mean much. I hate shopping. It's funny when we go out because I find what I need and want to get out of there. He likes going through furniture stores and just looking at everything. We make it work

GoinStag · 15th Jan 2012, 07:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lexington

It's a common refrain. "I'm gay. That means I like MEN. Not guys who act like GIRLS." But it's also been my experience that:

1. the guys who are most apt to proclaim this aren't quite as masculine as they like to think they are, and

2. they often end up criticizing other masculine guys for "not giving them a chance" - to wit, for doing pretty much what they themselves are doing.

Best bet? Just play it by ear. Get to know guys of all stripes. If you don't feel the click, don't date them - easy as that.

Lex

aarrghhh truer words have never been spoken I fucken hate that shit!! When it comes to friendship, I could care less if he was beer-jugging bear or a queeny bitch. Doesn't mean I'd get along with either.

I can understand both sides, but you gotta be able to distinguish whether it's that you don't like fem guys for dating, or you just don't like them period. I'm sure I could be friends with them, but I'm not sexually attracted to feminine men. I just want a...well, guy. Doesn't need to be overly-masculine, but "straight-acting" will do. So, yes, I understand what you mean, but be sure to look into it a little more.

JohnnyBoy · 15th Jan 2012, 07:38 PM

ETA:"I thought I would only date a 'masculine' guy, but you never know until you meet someone. I got a vibe from my boyfriend right away that he might be gay, he's not flamboyant or anything I just felt something. In contrast, it took me making a move to convince him I wasn't just a really friendly straight guy. I hate stereotypes and you'll learn they don't mean much. I hate shopping. It's funny when we go out because I find what I need and want to get out of there. He likes going through furniture stores and just looking at everything. We make it work "

^ That last post was me, sowwy, I'm new here

**TheEdend** · 15th Jan 2012, 08:29 PM

I think everyone has their own taste in guys and you shouldn't feel bad for that. That being said, when you start liking someone then a lot of things that you said you wouldn't like sometimes go out the window because the connection that you feel with that person is stronger.

I personally don't like guys that are either too "masculine" or too "feminine". I like a guy who is able to cross "the line" whenever he feels like it and without feeling self conscious about it.

Quote:

Plus, just some some food for thought, where is the line between masculine and feminine really drawn? Do they have to love sports and video games to be masculine, and talk with a lisp and like fashion to be considered feminine? That's just why I'm open to the idea because no one fits the mold exactly, and you never know who you might like.

This a million times. What constitutes as masculinity changes with culture, generations and personal definition. Labels suck, so I much rather concentrate on other more meaningful characteristics when it comes to dating

Mlpguy88 · 15th Jan 2012, 08:50 PM

i'm on middle ground, i not really attrated to either overly masculine or feminine. i'm really attracted to short and smart, not sure why but find glasses really attractive.

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 08:56 AM

Personally, I'm not feminine but I'm not exactly masculine either. I prefer feminine guys because they're generally more fun and plus, masculine guys remind me too much of straight men.

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 10:33 AM

I don't think you should have to feel bad about feeling this way. It's a preference, plain and simple, and anyone who tries to paint you as self-hating gay is either effeminate and offended or so far up their ass in activism they can't see the truth.

Just because you aren't interested in dating effeminate gays doesn't mean you dislike them. It just means that you know what your attractions are and they don't fall in them. I can make friends with effeminate gay guys just fine, and in fact I have a few, but the simple truth is that even if clicked with them on a personality level, I am incapable of feeling any sort of physical attraction to them which is a crucial part of a relationship.

15th Jan 2012, 02:44 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I really am not atracted to femenine gay guys. But I know a bi friend who claims he'd date a femenine guy (He's Masculine and so am I) So I want to know, Am I the only masculine gay guy who wants to date masculine gay guys? I mean, if I wanted to date a femenine person I'd go after a girl. I don't want a man who is too much of a lady. Anyone feeling like this?

15th Jan 2012, 02:56 PM	#2
duriru Captain-Commander of the Gotei 13 Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Honduras Age: 18 Posts: 982 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? Well, personally I'm attracted to masculine guys, but mostly because since I'm not out and I don't plan to be out while I still live in this country (only to maybe some friends in the future and maybe family, but definitely not anyone else), so it'd be easier for me to date a masculine guy because if I dated a feminine guy there would be to many questions and I'd probably get outed or something. Although I do think that if I moved, I'd still be uncomfortable with a feminine guy because I'm fairly straight-acting and there aren't many feminine guys here, so I'm not used to them. But I'm open to the option of dating a feminine guy, even if I felt somewhat uncomfortable at first, I'd still give him a chance if he had a nice personality.

15th Jan 2012, 03:18 PM	#3
Jerseyboy gettin the hang of it =) Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: 8 friends and my sister..go progress! Location: North Jersey Age: 18 Posts: 55 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? Yeah, I know what you mean. I think that I prefer masculine guys too, but like, who knows, you know? If me and a feminine guy click, then I wouldn't be against it =] I think it's all about just being open to the possibility, because honestly, what's the harm? If you automatically disregard all feminine guys, then you could be missing out on something really meaningful, you never know. While they may seem unappealing now, I think that you should never rule a group of people out from the start just because of some previous misconceptions or stereotypes revolving around all feminine guys and annoying mannerisms, flamboyance,etc.., but that's just what I believe. Plus, just some some food for thought, where is the line between masculine and feminine really drawn? Do they have to love sports and video games to be masculine, and talk with a lisp and like fashion to be considered feminine? That's just why I'm open to the idea because no one fits the mold exactly, and you never know who you might like. __________________ "Now I know it's hard to be something that you don't think you are, but it's hard for me to even try to understand why you are beating your own heart." -The Rocket Summer

15th Jan 2012, 03:47 PM	#5
silverhalo EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Lesbian Out Status: Quite a few Location: England, Age: 29 Posts: 3,129 Join Date: Dec 2008	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I know im not a gay guy so perhaps I cant really comment, but I dont see how you can say this. If I was to describe my ideal girl it wouldnt be a butch girl with really short hair that dresses in mens clothing however I wouldnt ever say I wouldnt date one as I dont think you can ever know. I think you can find love in all sorts of places if you dont immediately exclude people before you get to know them. Im not saying that you are all going to fall in love with feminine guys but I dont think you should automatically exclude them all from your dating potential.

15th Jan 2012, 03:48 PM	#6
Nightmaric Well Known Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Eleven friends, immediate family, Councellor Location: Ohio Age: 16 Posts: 105 Join Date: Aug 2011	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? Then, that just means they have a different style. If you find it isn't in your tastes you don't have to date them. It's not discrimination it's the same thing if you aren't attracted to big muscles or blond hair. It's just a matter of taste and as long as you arent going out of your way to tell them they will never date you, you aren't doing anything shameful in my book. But, just remember you could be missing out on the coolest person ever by going off their appearance. Just do whatever makes you feel good I suppose is the best advice I can give you.

15th Jan 2012, 03:51 PM	#7
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? well in all honesty i have no problem with flamboyancy, but i like to see myself with a guy who is as masculine or more than i am, dont judge me, it's just how the stone rolls, but hey, just like one of the posters have brought up, if i click with a someone feminine, then heck, we will go from there. from Aaron

15th Jan 2012, 03:57 PM	#8
Black Cat But Oprah Says... Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: This cat is out of the bag - I mean closet Location: Pennsylvania, with the cows Age: 21 Posts: 2,383 Join Date: Jun 2009	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I want a guy that's himself. If that means he acts feminine, then so be it. As long as he's being true to who he really is. The only time a feminine guy turns me off is when he's acting feminine for the hell of it. __________________ "Your life is an occasion. Rise to it." - Mr. Magorium

15th Jan 2012, 04:12 PM	#9
Kidd You'll love me! Full Member Gender: ♂ Orientation: ♂ ♥ ♂ Out Status: Out Location: N.W. Ohio Age: 21 Posts: 1,418 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I don't think you should write anyone off. Just because someone is 'feminine,' it doesn't mean they won't have similar interests or that you won't have amazing chemistry with them. Maybe a feminine gay guy will know all about Chanel and Gucci and maybe he'll even carry a purse, but he knows more about football and hockey than you do and he's an amazing athlete that grew up in the boy scouts. People aren't two-dimensional. Labels like 'feminine' and 'masculine' don't do anyone justice. Personally, I'm open to anything and whatever happens, happens. I've met, been attracted to, and been hit on by both 'masculine' gays and pretty 'feminine' gays. I enjoyed their attention and company, I had fun regardless. __________________ I feel a hunger. Take my picture by the pool, because I'm the next big thing. Fingers crossed, my time is coming now...

15th Jan 2012, 04:33 PM	#10
AloneOutHere LAX LSM Regular Member Gender: Imma bro not a hoe Orientation: Dicks not Chicks Out Status: I came out 5-3-12 Location: Estados Unidos Age: 15 Posts: 160 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I personally don't think that it matters. If somebodyy makes me smile and happy, I'm going to like them.. whether they are a drag queen or a jock. To me it doesn't matter and I don't think it should for you. If you do only feel an attraction to masculine guys, then thats okay. That's your preference. Embrace it and be happy. __________________ Let's get one thing straight, I'm not.

15th Jan 2012, 04:48 PM	#11
midwestgirl89 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Female Orientation: Interested in Women Out Status: Some people Age: 23 Posts: 543 Join Date: Jul 2011	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I'm not a gay guy so Idk if I should write but I do know that I'm not usually attracted to really "masculine-looking" lesbians. But I have surprised myself before. You never know. I do think it might be weird for me at first if I was with someone that wears really masculine men's clothing and such but it could happen. I see where you are coming from in that you are attracted to "masculine" men. You may surprise yourself as well though. Don't be afraid to get to know more "effeminate" men. Whoever you fall in love with, whether they're effeminate or masculine, it'll be a man. Even if he is what society would consider effeminate, he still is a man. A man is a man is a man.

15th Jan 2012, 04:59 PM	#12
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,360 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? It's a common refrain. "I'm gay. That means I like MEN. Not guys who act like GIRLS." But it's also been my experience that: 1. the guys who are most apt to proclaim this aren't quite as masculine as they like to think they are, and 2. they often end up criticizing other masculine guys for "not giving them a chance" - to wit, for doing pretty much what they themselves are doing. Best bet? Just play it by ear. Get to know guys of all stripes. If you don't feel the click, don't date them - easy as that. Lex

15th Jan 2012, 07:25 PM	#13
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? i feel as though you have every right to like whoever you want. i also do not think that you are bashing feminine guys at all. i also do not think you shoudl waste your time or anyone elses if you know you are not attracted to effeminate men. some have suggested not to count anyone out, and i guess thats true but it also is a waste to time to start anything with someone you lknow you are not goign to like. these same people that are telling you not to rule anything out aren't also telling you that maybe you should give women a try... my point is, tehy wouldn't recommend you shoudl date women because they would say you are leading her on when you know you dont really like her. so my point is, you shouldn't date effeminate guys or feel like you have to just to make someoen else happy. you're not goingi to like them, so what's the point. if you are not to "count anything out" maybe you shoudl give women a try too..

15th Jan 2012, 07:32 PM	#14
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I thought I would only date a 'masculine' guy, but you never know until you meet someone. I got a vibe from my boyfriend right away that he might be gay, he's not flamboyant or anything I just felt something. In contrast, it took me making a move to convince him I wasn't just a really friendly straight guy. I hate stereotypes and you'll learn they don't mean much. I hate shopping. It's funny when we go out because I find what I need and want to get out of there. He likes going through furniture stores and just looking at everything. We make it work

15th Jan 2012, 07:38 PM	#16
JohnnyBoy I like tuhtles Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: St Louis Age: 22 Posts: 165 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? ETA:"I thought I would only date a 'masculine' guy, but you never know until you meet someone. I got a vibe from my boyfriend right away that he might be gay, he's not flamboyant or anything I just felt something. In contrast, it took me making a move to convince him I wasn't just a really friendly straight guy. I hate stereotypes and you'll learn they don't mean much. I hate shopping. It's funny when we go out because I find what I need and want to get out of there. He likes going through furniture stores and just looking at everything. We make it work " ^ That last post was me, sowwy, I'm new here

15th Jan 2012, 08:50 PM	#18
Mlpguy88 EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Not out at all Location: Michigan Age: 21 Posts: 515 Join Date: Nov 2011	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? i'm on middle ground, i not really attrated to either overly masculine or feminine. i'm really attracted to short and smart, not sure why but find glasses really attractive.

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16th Jan 2012, 08:56 AM	#19
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? Personally, I'm not feminine but I'm not exactly masculine either. I prefer feminine guys because they're generally more fun and plus, masculine guys remind me too much of straight men.

16th Jan 2012, 10:33 AM	#20
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: I wouldn't date femenine gay guys. Am I the only one? I don't think you should have to feel bad about feeling this way. It's a preference, plain and simple, and anyone who tries to paint you as self-hating gay is either effeminate and offended or so far up their ass in activism they can't see the truth. Just because you aren't interested in dating effeminate gays doesn't mean you dislike them. It just means that you know what your attractions are and they don't fall in them. I can make friends with effeminate gay guys just fine, and in fact I have a few, but the simple truth is that even if clicked with them on a personality level, I am incapable of feeling any sort of physical attraction to them which is a crucial part of a relationship.