Totally F'd up my only good relationship

[Anonymous]

So I kind of broke up with my boyfriend about a month ago and realized it was a big mistake for me to do that. There is more detail to our history, but I don't want to get into it. I'll just say there wasn't any fighting, just a small period of lost feelings which I didn't understand before. Unfortunately, I tried to tell him that I miss him but he does not want to get back together and I feel soo sh**ty now...I think I actually forgot to say "I'm sorry" and apologize for being so stupid. I'm terrible at talking through things in the moment. I don't really know what to do. I guess I never realized how bad it would feel to be turned down, or maybe it's just me being mad at myself for wanting to break up. It's probably both. It also probably didn't feel great for him when I told him I wanted to break up...I feel like I missed my chance with the greatest guy I will ever date. Arg. Idk. I guess I just want someone to talk to but I'm so bad at expressing my feelings in person, but I can explain myself through writing much more easily. Maybe I should write him a message, but I don't want him to think I'm being so overbearing and pushy about it. At the same time, he definitely has a right to do what he wants to do. Plus, I know sending him anything will probably cause tension and could even make him stressed, and I don't want to do that to him. Maybe I just need to start the process of getting over him.

Thanks for the response(s) in advance.
(Sorry if my writing is all over the place. I'm not in a great state to write any essays.)

[Lexington]

My time is a bit short right now, so let me just say...

>>>Maybe I just need to start the process of getting over him.

This. But from here on out, if you have something really important to convey to your next boyfriend, write it out. Send it as an e-mail and ask him to read it.

Lex

[Filip]

Well, there's writing a message, and then there's sending it. And the latter doesn't have to follow the former. I've written plenty of letters that I never sent to the intended recipient, but still got a lot out of writing them. In a way, writing letters to people is often also a way of writing letters to myself.

Sometimes I did send them, by the way, but only two weeks after writing. Saving a letter for later, and then coming back after days to weeks sometimes gives a new perspective, or even inspiration for a "letter 2.0", where you get your point accross more accurately.


So maybe that works for you too! Write that letter to him, even if you aren't going to send it. Then wait a week (or more). Then reread it and see if it gives you a new perspective. Maybe rewrite it based on that. Repeat the above multiple times if need be.

And only then consider whether it would be worth sending. If it's a message that explains your actions without insisting to get back together, it might even be a help for the both of you to get some closure and move on!

[Anonymous]

OP

Thanks for your advice. I did write him a letter but I'm going to wait at least until Friday to read it again and maybe send it to him. I apologized to him so poorly in person. I still feel like there might be a chance we could get back together since he gave me an answer along the lines of, "I don't think it would be good right now for me to be in a relationship," which makes some sense because he wants to meet more people. However, I feel like he's probably looking for someone else to date...idk. I'll try not to send the message sooner than Friday...