The term "Partner" - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 04:02 AM

Does anyone else dislike the term "partner" when referring to a gay/lesbian relationship? I do not like the term because it seems too business-like. I would prefer saying "She is my girlfriend" or "He is my boyfriend" rather than saying "He/she is my partner." Sounds weird to me. What do you think?

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 04:33 AM

As I am a closseted trans I prefer partner than boyfriend. But I still love being called girlfriend.

**Filip** · 16th Jan 2012, 04:58 AM

I'm not too wild about "partner" either. If someone refers to their partner, my mind tends to jump to the conclusion they're in business together. Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife fit better for me.

Though I do feel lucky that Dutch (or at least the variety spoken where I live) has "lief", which is used as a gender-neutral catchall for "romantic partner" without the "business partner" connotation.

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 05:16 AM

I never liked the term partner. It made me think of cowboys, like 'howdy partner' and whenever anyone says 'my partner', even if I know what they are talking about I think of their partner as wearing a big straw hat or something. I dunno, i just prefer to use other terms. If I am hiding something I would probably say, my 'significant other' or 'the person I am dating" or "soul mate" or something along those lines. I agree that it is also confusing that partner is also used for business connections. When I was little I used to think that all gay people were hillbillies or rednecks because they used the term partner.

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 05:47 AM

OMG I hate the term partner! i was talking to one of my close friends, and I told him this. I asked him what I should call the person I'm dating. And he said "just come up with a nickname for him. Be like 'Hi, this is my boo'." Haha.

Bedroom Hymns · 16th Jan 2012, 05:54 AM

I haven't had a boyfriend yet but I'm sure I'd call him my boyfriend and not my partner. I don't like when LGBT use that word, it's like they're embarrassed of saying the gender of their loved one. I mean, I know it's up to each one of us but I wish people were comfortable enough to use the actual words.

**Owen** · 16th Jan 2012, 07:50 AM

I seem to be in the minority that likes the word "partner". I'm fine with using the term "boyfriend" when we're in the dating phase of things, but once things get settled down (say, we move in together, or we stay monogamous for a year or so), I feel like calling him my boyfriend would be almost demeaning. "Boyfriend", to me, denotes something casual, something where the two people are just dating and still have separate lives from each other. If we've gotten closer than that, if we become important parts of each others' lives, "boyfriend" really wouldn't do it justice. Sure, I could use "significant other", but it has three times as many syllables as "partner".

alex7song · 16th Jan 2012, 08:08 AM

I don't really have a problem with the word (though it always reminds me of old Western movies) if they want to identify as it. I feel the way as Owen I think. I like the term boyfriend a lot though

AloneOutHere · 16th Jan 2012, 08:13 AM

the 'partner' term seems okay with me when two people want to get married but aren't in a place they're allowed to. but i definitely prefer boyfriend

**Lexington** · 16th Jan 2012, 09:43 AM

"Partner" is pretty much the best of a bad lot of terms. "Boyfriend" sounds temporary. "Husband" suggests something happened that didn't.

Soon after I started working at the place I'm at now, my (older female) boss heard me talking about my partner, and asked "Oh, are you talking about your...?" And she paused, trying to find a suitable word. I suggested "...fuck-chum?"

It was worth it just to see her expression.

Lex

**Chip** · 16th Jan 2012, 10:52 AM

I tend to agree with Lex. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, the preferred term was "lover" which seemed... tacky... to me. And "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" tends to imply something more short-term, while "partner" to me implies a more long-term, permanent relationship.

I have a business partner who is gay, and we often do things together so people will sometimes mistake us for a couple (which both of us find amusing, because neither of us have ever felt that sort of attraction, though we're best of friends), so when I introduce him to someone (or he introduces me), we always say "business partner" just to clarify, for the same reason others have mentioned about "partner"... but other than that, I think "partner" is about the best anyone's come up with so far.

Daryn · 16th Jan 2012, 10:59 AM

I hate "partner". I don't care when other people use it when talking about their own relationships, but something really bothers me when someone asks me if I have a partner or anything regarding that word when they find out I'm gay. I feel like it separates same sex relationships from straight ones by using a different term, kinda like how some people try to prevent gay "marriage" but are fine with "domestic partnerships".

nate16 · 16th Jan 2012, 11:28 AM

I agree with some of you that dislike the term "partner". To me it seems to much of a closed term. I want a boyfriend, not a partner.

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 12:13 PM

well, partner to me is a bit diff from gf or bf, partner somewhat denotes that the relationship has moved past the gf/bf stages and this is someoen that is basically your husband or wife and you're not married to them. even straight people use the term partner. i think people used to say "lover" but that is a bit oudated now and makes things seems sexual.

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 12:24 PM

I think I will start using "Wifey" instead of partner, wife, or girlfriend. That way it's not too business-like, it's not saying that we got married (since it sounds kind of humorous), and it's saying we are more than just girlfriends.

**TheEdend** · 16th Jan 2012, 12:35 PM

I personally like boyfriend better than partner, but I don't really care either way.

I do use it a lot when I ask people about who they like or if they are dating. I try to not assume anyone is a certain sexuality and "partner" is the only gender neutral word that I like using.

**Chip** · 16th Jan 2012, 01:46 PM

The other term I occasionally hear used (but I tend to think is probably also dated, similar to "lover") is "Significant Other." (sometimes referred to as "S.O." for short.)

I don't think any of them are perfect. For a less-than-couple-years relationship I'd probably go with "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". After that, I'd probably use "partner."

Robert · 16th Jan 2012, 01:46 PM

"Other half"
"Lover"

Anonymous · 16th Jan 2012, 02:15 PM

I agree with you, I would rather just say that he is my boyfriend.

Anonymous · 17th Jan 2012, 02:33 PM

I don't know, the term "partner" I feel is wierd. I feel like if I am with a girl we are girlfriend and girlfriend....but also on the other end of things I feel at certain times "partner" is more appropriate. ( Introducing to family, formal events, etc.) Its kind of a double-sided coin for me....

16th Jan 2012, 04:02 AM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	The term "Partner" Does anyone else dislike the term "partner" when referring to a gay/lesbian relationship? I do not like the term because it seems too business-like. I would prefer saying "She is my girlfriend" or "He is my boyfriend" rather than saying "He/she is my partner." Sounds weird to me. What do you think?

16th Jan 2012, 04:58 AM	#3
Filip Cecile's sidekick EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: All but extended family Location: Belgium, EU Age: 28 Posts: 3,357 Join Date: Feb 2009	Re: The term "Partner" I'm not too wild about "partner" either. If someone refers to their partner, my mind tends to jump to the conclusion they're in business together. Boyfriend, girlfriend, husband or wife fit better for me. Though I do feel lucky that Dutch (or at least the variety spoken where I live) has "lief", which is used as a gender-neutral catchall for "romantic partner" without the "business partner" connotation. __________________ To the world, you're somebody, but to somebody, you're the world...

16th Jan 2012, 05:16 AM	#4
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" I never liked the term partner. It made me think of cowboys, like 'howdy partner' and whenever anyone says 'my partner', even if I know what they are talking about I think of their partner as wearing a big straw hat or something. I dunno, i just prefer to use other terms. If I am hiding something I would probably say, my 'significant other' or 'the person I am dating" or "soul mate" or something along those lines. I agree that it is also confusing that partner is also used for business connections. When I was little I used to think that all gay people were hillbillies or rednecks because they used the term partner.

16th Jan 2012, 05:47 AM	#5
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" OMG I hate the term partner! i was talking to one of my close friends, and I told him this. I asked him what I should call the person I'm dating. And he said "just come up with a nickname for him. Be like 'Hi, this is my boo'." Haha.

16th Jan 2012, 05:54 AM	#6
Bedroom Hymns The Morning Fog Regular Member Gender: Happy with my willy, but I don't care for gender. Orientation: I like phallic objects and muscles. Out Status: Some friends, some relatives (both my parents). Location: Under the ice Age: 16 Posts: 297 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: The term "Partner" I haven't had a boyfriend yet but I'm sure I'd call him my boyfriend and not my partner. I don't like when LGBT use that word, it's like they're embarrassed of saying the gender of their loved one. I mean, I know it's up to each one of us but I wish people were comfortable enough to use the actual words. __________________ Between two lungs it was released, The breath that passed from you to me, That flew between us as we slept, That slipped from your mouth, into mine it crept.

16th Jan 2012, 04:33 AM	#2
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	As I am a closseted trans I prefer partner than boyfriend. But I still love being called girlfriend.

16th Jan 2012, 07:50 AM	#7
Owen Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult EC Admin Gender: Agendered dude Orientation: Panromantic androsexual Out Status: Everyone and their mother Location: Massachusetts, USA Age: 21 Posts: 2,856 Join Date: Jul 2007	Re: The term "Partner" I seem to be in the minority that likes the word "partner". I'm fine with using the term "boyfriend" when we're in the dating phase of things, but once things get settled down (say, we move in together, or we stay monogamous for a year or so), I feel like calling him my boyfriend would be almost demeaning. "Boyfriend", to me, denotes something casual, something where the two people are just dating and still have separate lives from each other. If we've gotten closer than that, if we become important parts of each others' lives, "boyfriend" really wouldn't do it justice. Sure, I could use "significant other", but it has three times as many syllables as "partner". __________________ "Stand firm for what you believe in, until and unless logic and experience prove you wrong. Remember, when the emperor looks naked, the emperor is naked. The truth and a lie are not sort of the same thing. And there is no aspect, no facet, no moment of life that can't be improved with pizza." -Daria Morgendorffer

16th Jan 2012, 08:08 AM	#8
alex7song - Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: A few people Age: 17 Posts: 90 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: The term "Partner" I don't really have a problem with the word (though it always reminds me of old Western movies) if they want to identify as it. I feel the way as Owen I think. I like the term boyfriend a lot though

16th Jan 2012, 08:13 AM	#9
AloneOutHere LAX LSM Regular Member Gender: Imma bro not a hoe Orientation: Dicks not Chicks Out Status: I came out 5-3-12 Location: Estados Unidos Age: 15 Posts: 160 Join Date: Dec 2011	Re: The term "Partner" the 'partner' term seems okay with me when two people want to get married but aren't in a place they're allowed to. but i definitely prefer boyfriend __________________ Let's get one thing straight, I'm not.

16th Jan 2012, 09:43 AM	#10
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,360 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" "Partner" is pretty much the best of a bad lot of terms. "Boyfriend" sounds temporary. "Husband" suggests something happened that didn't. Soon after I started working at the place I'm at now, my (older female) boss heard me talking about my partner, and asked "Oh, are you talking about your...?" And she paused, trying to find a suitable word. I suggested "...fuck-chum?" It was worth it just to see her expression. Lex

16th Jan 2012, 10:52 AM	#11
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,544 Join Date: May 2008	Re: The term "Partner" I tend to agree with Lex. Back in the late 70s and early 80s, the preferred term was "lover" which seemed... tacky... to me. And "Boyfriend" or "Girlfriend" tends to imply something more short-term, while "partner" to me implies a more long-term, permanent relationship. I have a business partner who is gay, and we often do things together so people will sometimes mistake us for a couple (which both of us find amusing, because neither of us have ever felt that sort of attraction, though we're best of friends), so when I introduce him to someone (or he introduces me), we always say "business partner" just to clarify, for the same reason others have mentioned about "partner"... but other than that, I think "partner" is about the best anyone's come up with so far.

16th Jan 2012, 10:59 AM	#12
Daryn ^_^ Full Member Gender: Girl. Orientation: Girls. Out Status: whoever asks Location: Why are there eggs scrambling in the street? Age: 18 Posts: 238 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: The term "Partner" I hate "partner". I don't care when other people use it when talking about their own relationships, but something really bothers me when someone asks me if I have a partner or anything regarding that word when they find out I'm gay. I feel like it separates same sex relationships from straight ones by using a different term, kinda like how some people try to prevent gay "marriage" but are fine with "domestic partnerships". __________________ "That's the trouble with loving a wild thing: You're always left watching the door."

16th Jan 2012, 11:28 AM	#13
nate16 Well Known Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: close family and some friends Location: Massachusetts Age: 18 Posts: 118 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: The term "Partner" I agree with some of you that dislike the term "partner". To me it seems to much of a closed term. I want a boyfriend, not a partner.

16th Jan 2012, 12:13 PM	#14
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" well, partner to me is a bit diff from gf or bf, partner somewhat denotes that the relationship has moved past the gf/bf stages and this is someoen that is basically your husband or wife and you're not married to them. even straight people use the term partner. i think people used to say "lover" but that is a bit oudated now and makes things seems sexual.

16th Jan 2012, 12:24 PM	#15
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" I think I will start using "Wifey" instead of partner, wife, or girlfriend. That way it's not too business-like, it's not saying that we got married (since it sounds kind of humorous), and it's saying we are more than just girlfriends.

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16th Jan 2012, 12:35 PM	#16
TheEdend Hope will never be silent EC Moderator Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Extended family still doesn't know Location: Orlando, Florida Age: 21 Posts: 2,822 Join Date: Mar 2010	Re: The term "Partner" I personally like boyfriend better than partner, but I don't really care either way. I do use it a lot when I ask people about who they like or if they are dating. I try to not assume anyone is a certain sexuality and "partner" is the only gender neutral word that I like using. __________________ “You may never know what results come of your action, but if you do nothing there will be no result” -Gandhi

16th Jan 2012, 01:46 PM	#17
Chip EC Advisor EC Admin Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: northern CA Posts: 5,544 Join Date: May 2008	Re: The term "Partner" The other term I occasionally hear used (but I tend to think is probably also dated, similar to "lover") is "Significant Other." (sometimes referred to as "S.O." for short.) I don't think any of them are perfect. For a less-than-couple-years relationship I'd probably go with "boyfriend" or "girlfriend". After that, I'd probably use "partner."

16th Jan 2012, 01:46 PM	#18
Robert EC Addict Full Member Gender: Male ♂ Orientation: Gay Out Status: Some people Location: World Posts: 971 Join Date: Jun 2011	Re: The term "Partner" "Other half" "Lover" __________________ "I am like a mirror that dares not be what nature made it, but feels obligated, always, to reflect what surrounds it." - Frederick II of Prussia. "England is a Prison" - Gerrard Winstanley

16th Jan 2012, 02:15 PM	#19
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" I agree with you, I would rather just say that he is my boyfriend.

17th Jan 2012, 02:33 PM	#20
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: The term "Partner" I don't know, the term "partner" I feel is wierd. I feel like if I am with a girl we are girlfriend and girlfriend....but also on the other end of things I feel at certain times "partner" is more appropriate. ( Introducing to family, formal events, etc.) Its kind of a double-sided coin for me....