Am I horrible?

[Anonymous]

so... My partner of 2 years has gained a lot of weight. she could lose a person and be healthy. she has gained about 40 lbs in the last 8 months and I am no longer turned on by her. I love her, but i dont know what to do about the fact that she no longer turns me on. In fact she grosses me out. And she wont do anything about it. I wont have sex with her anymore and it sucks. any advice or support is welcome.

[Mimerio]

Honestly, if you and her both love each other, tell her, she may not take it lightly, she may be sad or angry, but in all honesty she's causing more harm to herself than your relationship, I read online that someone with enough exercise went from 300lbs to almost half in 6 months, and because his wife told him that she was worried for his health.

[Anonymous]

i have told her numerous times and she doesn't do anything about it. its getting gross. she is 250 lbs.

[Anonymous]

tell her that you she needs to start working on losing the weight or you're bouncing. if she doesnt lose the weight, end the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

tell her that you she needs to start working on losing the weight or you're bouncing. if she doesnt lose the weight, end the relationship.

i'm not trying to be insensitive but you did not sign up to be with a 250lb plus person. sure if you met her and she was that big, then ok, but is she is tipping the scales at close to 300lbs that's now how you met her. with that said, 210 lbs on a woman isn't all that skinny either so i mean, what's 40 more. the bottom line here is that you're not happy, she isn't doing anything about it and is happy where she is, so she can get back to a healthy size or she can be happy and find someone else. i know people will likely say that is superficial but i do not believe so. you are not married to her, she is your gf and that doesn't give people the right to let theirselves go if they can help it. maybe the better way to say it is: honey, i'm worried for your health and i think that you're really getting a lot bigger and it can negatively impact your health adn i want you to be ok, how about we both start working out more...i'll join yah baby...we can do it together "

yes, that sounds nice but the fact is she probably still isn't going to do anything about it and that's not really what you want to say, you really want to say, "baby, i love you but i am no longer physically attracted to you because you have let yourself go and you're not doing anything about it. being physically attracted is important for me in a relationsihp so if you are not willing to do something about the weight loss, that's fine but i do not know how much longer i'm going to be able to continue this..what do you want to do, ball in's your court, i'm willing to work out with you. but i can't sit by and keep goign along this route.."

i like the direct approach better because essentially if she starts tipping the scales near 300lbs you're going to leave, so why not let her know.

[TheEdend]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

i have told her numerous times and she doesn't do anything about it. its getting gross. she is 250 lbs.

If she isn't doing anything about it then more than likely there is something else going on with her right now. Its very probable that she is overeating for another reason other than just because. I'm just guessing here and I could be completely off, but a lot of people turn to eating when they feel sad, depressed or if life is out of control for them. That, on top of feeling sad about gaining weight and their partners pressure to lose weight, can result in gaining even more weight.

Have you talked about how she is feeling about the whole situation? Does she care that she is gaining weight? Do you feel like there is something else going on with her?