Sex problems

[Anonymous]

A few days ago, I had my first sexual experience with a guy that I'm actually attracted to, both emotionally and physically. I have messed around with guys before, but always just recreationally or experimentally (which I really regret). Anyway, we got intimate and I was so turned on, but I couldn't "finish" and I can't quite figure out why. I think it might be because I was nervous actually having sex with strings attached or perhaps because I'm so used to getting off to porn. Either way, I felt terrible about it, and I think it might have made him feel bad.

Also, he was very reluctant to let me see him fully naked. I suspected it was because he was insecure, but I'm so attracted to him that I figured whatever was in his pants would be fine. Well, not to be graphic, but he had a very ugly penis. I had no problems with it until I went down on him, and I couldn't last very long because I didn't like what I saw to be perfectly honest. I feel terrible about that too because I couldn't please him because of my own shallowness.

I guess I'm just wondering if these are first time problems and if anyone could give me advice on how to overcome them.

[Anonymous]

i dont want to get graphic eitehr but i mean, it's a penis, they all look the same pretty much right? what can make it "ugly" as you described.

[Anonymous]

There are definitely good looking penises and ugly penises, but that's another subject.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

i dont want to get graphic eitehr but i mean, it's a penis, they all look the same pretty much right? what can make it "ugly" as you described.

OP here. That's what I thought at first too. I don't want to get into the details, but it was misshapen in certain aspects.

[toremi]

I don't have much experience but...

I don't know if there are ugly penises because I have never experienced one..

but there certainly are works of art! So it only makes sense there would be ones a little on the less attractive side.

In my opinion, if you really like this person you will get past the ug-pen. It's only natural to notice something you are not attracted to. I am sure after the initial shock wears off of it not looking like you thought it would, you will be perfectly fine with it.

As for the completion thing -- happened to me a lot with my ex girl. And with the few guys I've fooled around with. Try not to dwell on it too much or it won't come at all. If it is your first time together you are still learning each other -- and once he knows how to make you purr I am sure you will be looking for ways to hold off longer!

cheers bro!

[Filip]

Well, at most my experience is theoretical, but I do think some "performance anxiety" is factoring in to this. If you're hooking up with someone, it's all about just getting off in a situation that is basically a more involved form of masturbation.
But if you're with someone you want to impress and provide a good time for (in addition to having a good time yourself), then that can add just that little extra anxiety.

Plus, then there is the fact that all of those things you know about your own body were developed in a different situation, and he doesn't have the cliff notes version of what really works for you. So some fumbling is probably to be expects. Good news is that if you're really into each other, there's no rush and you can take all the time you want to optimise. Indicate what works and what doesn't, and build on that!

Also, it is important to note that "finishing" isn't exactly the ultimate goal of sex. Sure, it is not half bad as a feeling, and it produces visible results of your satifaction but in the end, what matters more is that you had a good time. If you spent half the night sweaty and turned on, and already looking forward to the next time, then that's pretty good, even if you didn't finish. Way better than being bored out of your mind for most of it, but with a finish.
So maybe focus on that next time: maximising fun, and finishing is just a fun extra.


Last but not least: anatomy.
It's not necessarily shallow to do a double take when faced with unexpected quirks. We all have our expectations when faced with a new situation, and if that isn't met, it takes a bit to adjust to the new situation.
Maybe (and there's no way to avoid some graphicness here, so I'm not going to apologise) it wasn't the best option to go down on him right away. When faced with an odd view, shoving it in your face isn’t going to ease matters along.

But as the others say: next time, the surprise will be less. If this guy really is someone you like, odds are it will be more of a peculiarity and less of a turnoff. So that should already count for something.
It might be best to take the slower route before going down next time. Some extra touching and feeling first, and seeing the clues he gives how that makes him feel. That might help in making it less “his strange penis”, and more “this interesting instrument to give him a good time”.
IMO it’s better to say you need some time to appreciate the view than to rush forward and then halfway deciding you need to stop. Like the above, there’s no deadline here. If you’re in to each other, you have time enough to start slow and get used to each other along the way.

[Anonymous]

I am just beginning to come to terms with my sexuality and have lived a pretty "anonymous" gay sex life for the past few years. I also have problems getting off with someone I care about or am attracted to in a way that makes me feel intimidated or less than worthy. I lose my erection and can't get it back. It may feel like the worst feeling in the world, but remember it happens to lots of guys. Whenever, this happens to me, I usually lay off the pron and avoid masturbating for a few days, and I'm usually able to get my full erection back next time.