I deserve worse than death

[Anonymous]

I did something I swore never to do in my life. I hate people who do this. I cheated on my girlfriend. I am less worthy than shit. My girlfriend doesn't deserve me. I love her so much but she shouldn't now.

Even though I was half asleep and didn't even know what I was doing until the last moment which I stopped immediatly that's no excuse. I wish I didn't give in to his pressure to experiment. I hated it too. I learnt I don't like guys. I cried for the first time in three years. I can't escape the guilt. I don't deserve to escape it. I'm just like my piece of shit father. I'm just a piece of shit too. I can't sleep peacefully now. I just want to die. My girlfriend does't deserve to have shit like me. I should be torture for the rest of my life. I will probably hate myself for the rest of my worthless life.

[JohnnyBoy]

I did the same thing to my boyfriend. We'd been dating for a few months and a friend from class wanted to come over. I had an idea he was gay but didn't know until he came over. We were just watching a movie then he made a move. Like an ass, I started kissing him back for a few minutes. He started to move quicker and before he could get my belt off I stopped him and made him leave. I felt so awful, I could barely talk to my boyfriend because of all the guilt. I came clean and was straight up honest with him what happened. He, being the amazing partner he is, forgave me even though he'd been hurt in past relationships. We've moved past it and I couldn't possibly think of cheating on him again after feeling that way. I'm the luckiest guy ever to have someone like him and I feel honesty is the best policy. You can either hide it and live with the guilt, or get it off your chest and deal with the guilt. For me, getting it out there made me feel a little better...Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Dude, you're not a piece of shit. We're all human. I understand how much hatred for fathers can go. I often joke that I'm somewhat patricidal at times. I think it's the strongest hatred any guy can have. Mine left me for dead after impregnating my Mom. I never got to know her because of that. I fear becoming anything like him. With that said, everyone makes mistakes and I'm sure what your Dad did was a lot worse. You're human. Humans make mistakes. You don't deserve death or anything worse than death. Just learn from your mistakes and use them so you won't make the mistake again.

[Anonymous]

As for the guy thing, I think it's that guys are forced to repress those feelings of being attracted to other guys that whenever we do find a guy we think are cute or hot - we're confused as to what it means. I've never done anything with a guy and still uncertain how I would react if I did. Can I see where hot guys are and can I like them? Yeah, definitely. But what does that mean? Girls, as we can all see, see girls and say "she's hot" or "she's so beautiful" or "she's so pretty." But in guys these feelings don't socially align with being straight - which I think is a societal mistake.

BASICALLY with the whole guys discovery. Maybe you just like looking, noticing, perhaps even just thinking about it rather than acting on it. Yet again, on a gay storyline on 90210 (although I take it you're similarly bi, though this does relate) Teddy's first response to having had sex with Ian was throwing up. Just because of what he thought society would think about what he did rather than the act itself - he's gay. It could be that reaction.

It'll be either the first explanation or second. But, whatever it is - both have precedence.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Girls, as we can all see, see girls and say "she's hot" or "she's so beautiful" or "she's so pretty."

Spelling mistake: girls CAN say "she's hot"

[Anonymous]

O.P here. I am into girls, but my best friend is bi and hasn't had anything to do with a guy so he was curious and wanted to see what it was like. I was never going to do anything. I don't know how he got me to do it but I can't forgive or trust myself ever now. My dad cheated on my mum and it hurt her and me so much. I am just like him. I can't live with this. It's haunting me and it's only the day after it happened. I am going to go insane if the guilt doesn't stop.

[Anonymous]

She has said she forgives me but I can't forgive myself. I don't think I can ever forgive myself.

[Anonymous]

I'm the guy who feels patricidal towards his "real" dad. Anyways, I've ran away plenty of times. I hated myself for it. Like I couldn't get over feeling like I was becoming him - I ran away from everyone and left them in the dust just like he left me. I hated myself for that. It lasted a while. But, I'm over it now. Don't get me wrong, I still - any dude who hates his dad gets it. Hate his fucking guts. But able to move past it.

Also you saying you were "somewhat out of it" and that you've never had these feelings towards guys before - I know some might not agree with me and I hate to talk this way about you friend - but it seems like rather than "cheat" he may have just taken advantage of the woozy situation you were in. Your head wasn't thinking in the "cheating" zone basically - wanting to "get" with someone and give in to those primal urges. Rather - a friend may have noticed you were woosy got you to do things because of the shape you were in and you were, more or less, an unwitting or unknowledgeable participant. Not saying rape, just more taken advantage of than cheating if the woozy part is accurate.

For example, one sleep over when I was a teenager with a friend - somehow he woke me up, suggested going to another room, I did and woke up confused because I had no idea how I got there. Apparently I was semi-conscious. I had no will power over what I was doing. I had no idea what I did. It's like something else was controlling me. I was sleep-walking basically although half my mind was awake. If someone told me to bark like a dog, I was so far gone that night - I probably would have. And depending on how "involved" you are with this - which judging from what I've heard, you really weren't - it's more your friend took advantage of you and if he was in his right mind while you weren't? I'd say it makes perfect sense to be wary of him, cause it would be like guys using drunk girls. Half your brain is there. The other is vulnerable to suggestion.

[Sunsetting]

I'm sorry things were so difficult, but I can hear it so clearly; you're a good guy.

First, you are not your dad...You just made a mistake. I've made massive... MASSIVE mistakes and I know the heaviness of feeling guilty. The fear about how this all might never be able to turn around. But, bro, you are not your dad, you are you with a conscience and you will deal with all of this better because you know more.

Second, you're actually pretty darn normal and experimented mainly as a result of your vulnerable state and the advances of another person. Whatever it was, bro, it's ok. You're still the same guy you were before, your life's not out of control.

If there's anything that I've done throughout my life, it's been to heap hot coals of condemnation on myself for doing things wrong. I've tried to punish myself because I feel the need to pay for my "sins", and mainly it was just because I wasn't "perfect". Bro, you're not, I'm not, your girlfriend isn't, but bro, consider this...you'd probably extend grace to other people if they told you they did this too, just like your girlfriend did for you, so it's really important that you receive it too. You just made a mistake, and it's important to let go of some of the guilt, receive the grace and try to let yourself recognize that you're ok.

[Anonymous]

Well I guess the important thing is you stopped before it went out of hand and that you feel guilty for doing it, it shows that you do care for your girlfriend, and that you probably won't do it again right? It seems like your girlfriend was understanding of the situation, you really dont sound like a bad person and it really seems like you repent for the mistake, I think you should just not stress yourself over it, what happened happened, you regret it and your girlfriend forgave you, I think thats all that matters

[Ghostly]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Well I guess the important thing is you stopped before it went out of hand and that you feel guilty for doing it, it shows that you do care for your girlfriend, and that you probably won't do it again right? It seems like your girlfriend was understanding of the situation, you really dont sound like a bad person and it really seems like you repent for the mistake, I think you should just not stress yourself over it, what happened happened, you regret it and your girlfriend forgave you, I think thats all that matters

oh that was me giving the advice, forgot to click the anonymous box

[Dewthulu]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

She has said she forgives me but I can't forgive myself. I don't think I can ever forgive myself.

Then don't. Keep blaming yourself, if you want. Just don't make every possible conversation into a discussion about how you don't forgive yourself. You'll just make everyone try to fight through a cloud of guilt that they'll get tired of. It's not worth dwelling on it. Instead, do whatever you can to make up for it. Even if she forgives you, still make up for it. It will help lessen the guilt for yourself. You will still feel like crap, but you'll be using it to improve her life.

[Anonymous]

What could I do to make up to her?

[Dewthulu]

I can't come up with specifics, but: (if possible)

• Take her out to dinner- Or do something nice that shows you're not
• Treat her better than you have- Don't cheat again. I know it was an accident, but you can at least try not to do it again.
• Don't blame yourself- You didn't have full control of your senses. It sounds like you were in a very suggestible state. He could've asked you to do several things that you, if you'd been awake, would've completely refused.

Also, it may help to ask why she forgave you. I'm not saying dwell on the issue, but if she has a rationalization, it could help you to hear it.