lately i was thinking i should settle...but i'm not going to

[Anonymous]

hello, i am single. i have recently accepted i'm attracted to guys. there's a particular type of guy that i like. i am open to other types of course and i find all types of men attractive but it's really a special type of guy that i like. either they do it for me or they don't. because i am single i thought i should settle for someone that i am physically not into but was a nice person, just so i wouldn't be alone. but now i am rethinking that. i have decided not to do that. i know some people would say that is being picky but the reality is, i'm not picky, i just want to be attracted to the guy i am with. i figure if i have come this far and dealt with all this emotional trauma for liking guys, i should atleast be able to find and be with a guy i am physically and emotionally attracted to. is it wrong to wait for that. i mean, yes, i like hot looking types but i have also liked no so hot looking types that have great fashion sense or great things going for theirselves. i have also disliked hot types that had nothing going for theirselves other than looks. so i am not only looking for attractiveness. i just dont want to end up being with someone and wishing i was with someone else. is that wrong?

[Dewthulu]

Not at all. I've know how you feel. I fell for a girl, and later realized I like guys a whole lot more. I routinely yell at myself for wanting to be with a guy. I am happy with the girl, but sometimes I really wish I wasn't in a relationship with her. And it's not her fault, either. You're just trying to be happy. That's all we can hope for, so it's not wrong at all.

[PerfectInsanity]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

hello, i am single. i have recently accepted i'm attracted to guys. there's a particular type of guy that i like. i am open to other types of course and i find all types of men attractive but it's really a special type of guy that i like. either they do it for me or they don't. because i am single i thought i should settle for someone that i am physically not into but was a nice person, just so i wouldn't be alone. but now i am rethinking that. i have decided not to do that. i know some people would say that is being picky but the reality is, i'm not picky, i just want to be attracted to the guy i am with. i figure if i have come this far and dealt with all this emotional trauma for liking guys, i should atleast be able to find and be with a guy i am physically and emotionally attracted to. is it wrong to wait for that. i mean, yes, i like hot looking types but i have also liked no so hot looking types that have great fashion sense or great things going for theirselves. i have also disliked hot types that had nothing going for theirselves other than looks. so i am not only looking for attractiveness. i just dont want to end up being with someone and wishing i was with someone else. is that wrong?

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to wait for someone that you actually feel something for. It's the same situation as when us gay guys were in the closet feigning interest in women, even dating them (like I did). I never felt anything for them other than friendship and maybe some pseudo-romanticism, but at the time I felt like I'd just have to settle for them. Fuck that! You should be with someone that you truly are attracted to and care about. Gays shouldn't have to settle for someone just because our dating pool is smaller. I believe that there is a special someone for everyone out there, it's just that some find "the one" sooner than others. Everyone has to find there own way through life.

I'm in the same boat right now in regards to contemplating dating. Recently I've been wondering why I haven't felt an attraction to the couple of bi/gay people I'm friends/acquaintances with and I've realized if the spark isn't there, it's not there. I've especially wondered about this question in regards to my bi friend who I have a lot in common with, but have never had an attraction to (I hadn't even suspected he was bi before I came out to him). He's not a bad looking guy and he has a great personality, but I just haven't felt that same spark like I have with the few crushes I've had in my lifetime. I guess I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm probably not going to find "the one" if I'm actively looking...it will probably be one of those unexpected mindfucks that come out of thin air when I'm not looking. However, I also realize I need to at least be hanging around openly gay people or at gay hangouts (bars, pride events, etc.), because I'm definitely not obvious in being gay (unless I wear my rainbow "Got Pride?" bracelet) and the non-stereotypical gay guys I'm interested in are going to be much more difficult to locate. I'm not into random hook-ups though and I feel like I could only be intimate with someone that I actually feel some sort of spark for. I suppose the waiting will make the feelings that more passionate when I do find my first bf.

Some relevant song lyrics to this post topic:
Wildflowers--Tom Petty (WMG) - YouTube

[Sunsetting]

this sounds perfect to me

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by PerfectInsanity

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to wait for someone that you actually feel something for. It's the same situation as when us gay guys were in the closet feigning interest in women, even dating them (like I did). I never felt anything for them other than friendship and maybe some pseudo-romanticism, but at the time I felt like I'd just have to settle for them. Fuck that! You should be with someone that you truly are attracted to and care about. Gays shouldn't have to settle for someone just because our dating pool is smaller. I believe that there is a special someone for everyone out there, it's just that some find "the one" sooner than others. Everyone has to find there own way through life.

I'm in the same boat right now in regards to contemplating dating. Recently I've been wondering why I haven't felt an attraction to the couple of bi/gay people I'm friends/acquaintances with and I've realized if the spark isn't there, it's not there. I've especially wondered about this question in regards to my bi friend who I have a lot in common with, but have never had an attraction to (I hadn't even suspected he was bi before I came out to him). He's not a bad looking guy and he has a great personality, but I just haven't felt that same spark like I have with the few crushes I've had in my lifetime. I guess I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm probably not going to find "the one" if I'm actively looking...it will probably be one of those unexpected mindfucks that come out of thin air when I'm not looking. However, I also realize I need to at least be hanging around openly gay people or at gay hangouts (bars, pride events, etc.), because I'm definitely not obvious in being gay (unless I wear my rainbow "Got Pride?" bracelet) and the non-stereotypical gay guys I'm interested in are going to be much more difficult to locate. I'm not into random hook-ups though and I feel like I could only be intimate with someone that I actually feel some sort of spark for. I suppose the waiting will make the feelings that more passionate when I do find my first bf.

Some relevant song lyrics to this post topic:
Wildflowers--Tom Petty (WMG) - YouTube

omg, where have you been all my life. thanks for making me feel i'm not alone. OP here.

[ukeye]

Originally Posted by PerfectInsanity

I don't think it's unreasonable at all to wait for someone that you actually feel something for. It's the same situation as when us gay guys were in the closet feigning interest in women, even dating them (like I did). I never felt anything for them other than friendship and maybe some pseudo-romanticism, but at the time I felt like I'd just have to settle for them. Fuck that! You should be with someone that you truly are attracted to and care about. Gays shouldn't have to settle for someone just because our dating pool is smaller. I believe that there is a special someone for everyone out there, it's just that some find "the one" sooner than others. Everyone has to find there own way through life.

I'm in the same boat right now in regards to contemplating dating. Recently I've been wondering why I haven't felt an attraction to the couple of bi/gay people I'm friends/acquaintances with and I've realized if the spark isn't there, it's not there. I've especially wondered about this question in regards to my bi friend who I have a lot in common with, but have never had an attraction to (I hadn't even suspected he was bi before I came out to him). He's not a bad looking guy and he has a great personality, but I just haven't felt that same spark like I have with the few crushes I've had in my lifetime. I guess I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'm probably not going to find "the one" if I'm actively looking...it will probably be one of those unexpected mindfucks that come out of thin air when I'm not looking. However, I also realize I need to at least be hanging around openly gay people or at gay hangouts (bars, pride events, etc.), because I'm definitely not obvious in being gay (unless I wear my rainbow "Got Pride?" bracelet) and the non-stereotypical gay guys I'm interested in are going to be much more difficult to locate. I'm not into random hook-ups though and I feel like I could only be intimate with someone that I actually feel some sort of spark for. I suppose the waiting will make the feelings that more passionate when I do find my first bf.

Some relevant song lyrics to this post topic:
Wildflowers--Tom Petty (WMG) - YouTube

I love this post too - I could have written that piece. We are not alone !