Feeling out of place

[Anonymous]

...I don't belong here. On Earth. I'm not psychotic. Just majorly depressed. I hurt all the time. I can't stop it. It has nothing to do with being gay. I just can't get out of this funk. I have no purpose. I sleep when I get home from school for three hours, have a very small dinner and usually go to bed.

I am already taking an antidepressant. My doctor lives in another city altogether. I can't get a psychiatrist here because it takes months. Counselors cost money which I don't really have extra of.

I have been really grouchy with people lately and it makes me feel like shit because I regret what I say almost as soon as it's been said.

Right now, an OD on pills is looking pretty tempting. I don't have access to a gun or I would have done that. I was also thinking about jumping over an overpass and into a semi but I think the OD sounds better.

My good friends have their own stress to deal with. I would just be a disappointment to my parents if I told them because it would likely result in me cutting school short, plus it wouldn't solve my pain.

[Anonymous]

Hi, don't worry it's going to be alright. Alot of people here have felt this way also and we survived, so please don't do it. Writing out your feelings can help, we are all here for you, it's going to be okay.

[adorablyorange]

hey i know the feeling. a year ago almost exactly, i tried to kill myself. i ended up in a phsyc ward which cost my parents a ton of money and totally humiliated me. at the time i hated it. but now i can see that it really does get better. sure, i still go through rough times, but everybody does. the real difference is that ive gain perspective.
think of it this way:
do you remember the first time that you saw snow?
you were probably excited, you were most likely in wonder of it. who wouldnt be, really? its cold and white and its falling from the sky...
the second time you saw snow you were similarly amazed, but this time you remembered how cold you felt after it, so you wore a winter coat outside.
the this time the snow was still beautiful, but you were watching it from the window of a cozy coffee shop sipping hot chocolate and watching as the flakes slowly drift downward.
what i mean to say is that yes, you will go through rough times. you certainly cant help that. but with each time, you will be more prepared for the next.
think of it, if you will, like studying.
you study for a short block of time and then you get the rest of the day to yourself.
im here to talk to. always. if youd like to, comment so, or post to my wall. i didnt post anonymously for a reason. good luck, my friend.

[Lexington]

The rather ironic thing about "finding your place" is that the actual search ends up being much of the battle. I'm 42, and I'm still finding out things about myself - because I keep looking. I keep trying new stuff. I recently started doing something I swore I'd NEVER do, because I finally decided I could now try it on my own terms...and damned if I don't enjoy it.

But here's the most important thing. And let me make it big and bold so you can walk away remembering that I said.

Everybody deserve the shot at living a kick-ass life.

And there are no exceptions to that first word. Everybody includes you. And if your life isn't kicking ass, you are not unimportant enough to not do something about it. Your good friends' stress and lives aren't more important than yours. Your parents' (mistaken) belief in how good your life must be doesn't outweigh your need to have an actual, honest-to-God good life. If you've been on the anti-depressants for a while (they sometimes take time to take effect), and you're still feeling this way, you need to tell your doctor that you're still having feelings of hopelessness and "what's the point", and your thoughts have taken a turn for the suicidal. And your school counselor will probably have some resources for low- to no-cost counseling that you can take advantage of.

Don't accept a meaningless existence. Take control. Because you actually can.

Lex