Meeting my father in a few days

[Anonymous]

And i'm freaking out.

I findmyself wondering if i would rather punch him in the face or run away and not meet him at all

Uhm, as a slight bit of family history he essentially forced my mom into giving birth to me, at which point she passed on and then ditched me at the nearest orphanage... And, being adopted by a pair of rather aged but very nice people has rather nicely filled most of the hole but you can't really replace a biological parent or two :x

so, uh, =(

[Chip]

For what it's worth, your dad may be as worried/traumatized/upset as you are about this.

Very, very few parents (unless drug addiction or something is clouding their judgment) can just up and walk away from a child they've fathered or given birth to. From what I have read and heard, giving a child up is something that haunts most parents for a lifetime. They see a child on the street the age theirs would be and wonder about their own child. They think about, at holidays, what the child is doing.

And many parents feel that they're substandard or would be harmful to the child's upbringing, so they stay away even if they know where the child could be found.

So while I can understand why you have the anger you do -- and it's certainly well founded -- you might try to enter this meeting with an open mind. Your birth father has had 15 or 20 or30 or however many years you've been alive to think about and ponder the possiblity of this meeting. It will certainly be awkward for both of you. But it could be the start of something meaningful if both of you are ready to explore that possibility.

[Anonymous]

Chip said it very well. Enter with an open mind, and if you never want to see him again, then you don't have to. Don't do anything to make the relationship any worse (certainly don't punch him!); instead, see if the relationship is something you can cultivate.

[Lexington]

Chip's got it. He's agreeing to meet with you. This means he's probably matured significantly since you were born. So try to connect with him as an adult rather than as a parent. You're welcome to explain your feelings to him, but it'd be best if you could do that calmly if at all possible.

Lex