Did you feel this way too?

[Anonymous]

Hi, I am in the process of coming out, and I have told a few close friends and family. They have all been ok and relatively supportive. So all in all it’s going pretty good so far, with a couple of nervous moments with what feels like waiting for an eternity between spilling my guts and their reaction/response. I know I’ve heard that the first few people are the hardest, but are they really the hardest? Because the first few people were the people I knew would be most accepting of it. I think my parents and extended Asian family would be the worst to deal with. It is something I am not thinking of doing for a long while yet.
Anyways, back to the point. I’m wondering if any of you ECers have ever felt like you could actually lead a hetero life just to make things easier. Is it just the pressure and nervousness of actually having to tell people? I’ve never been on a date with a girl (though I feel like I want to), so is it really terrible to think that … what I don’t know/experience I won’t miss it? It is just that when I think about having to tell people, I suddenly don’t feel gay anymore. Sorry if that sounds so weird and confusing (I think my mind is just pretty messed up).

[Sunsetting]

you're not messed up at all, you're just growing. the first few people tend to be the easiest, but it's not a hard fast rule. you are you...and your experience will be yours. your experience may be similar to other people's, but don't let anyone else define you here or anywhere else...and at the same time, don't press emotional stuff down, it only leads to personal torment. that being said, let yourself keep growing. be open with people as you are lead. i personally do think it gets easier, but there are still people that it's difficult for me to express that i have had attractions to men. so hang in there and be patient with your development. things take time and it doesn't mean you're a non-person while they're developing. you are likely young and wonderfully vibrant, be who you are. i've said it to other posters here, you are more than your sexuality, but when it comes up, simply address it.

[silverhalo]

I can understand how you feel, I think it is the general rule that the first ones are the hardest because its all new and scary and generally they are the people closest to you, but it all depends on personal circumstances.
I think I have at the thought of having to come out to another person often thought 'oh why do I put myself through this', however im lucky and I just have to think of my lovely girlfriend and the happiness we share and I know why I do it. I think also at the start being gay becomes a massive negative, like because im gay I have to tell these people, and I have to come out, and I have to go through this, but in time it will become less about that and more just a part of you.

[Anonymous]

Been their done that...I tried to hide for a while, now I am half out and half in....(my parents don't know.) Hiding your self will only harm you, a story those I have lost and my scars can tell perfectly.

[AloneOutHere]

i didn't feel that way, i do feel that way. and it sucks. i know and don't think that you're messed up.

just hang in there. it gets better

[Anonymous]

Yea I definitely agree ... I know logically and from other people's stories that trying to be someone I'm not isn't going to be the answer. I also know that there could be some pretty negative consequences. But, when I have to tell people who I care very deeply for and really don't want them to feel bad, I get so scared and hiding is all I can think about.

Sunsetting, you are really right. Part of me really wants to take my time with it, but another part of me really wants to get it all over with. Like ripping off a Band-Aid or something, which I guess may not be the smartest idea right now.

Silverhalo, what you said about it all being worth it because of your lovely girlfriend and happiness. I am really happy for you, and it gives me hope that maybe one day I can find that too. I guess right now the process of coming out is taking up so much space in my mind.

I can't wait for all this to be over.

[Sunsetting]

just know you can kick it with all us peeps here, pour out whatever's going on and we still gonna love you for it!!!!!