i feel depressed. since i'm lonely i act out when drunk

[Anonymous]

hi, i'm single and have been for some time. booze makes me feel "upbeat and excited" i have really curbed the drinking lately and do not want to drink that much anymore. but when i have i usually feel like i wish i had someone. sometimes i even go after people that i know i am not interested in just to get a little attention or feel wanted in that moment. i do not do anything but flirt but that's enough. i feel like i'm going down the tubes. i often feel lonely but not lonely enough to settle for someone i dont want. i'm not out., i'm also drained of the fact of someone finding out. its like a heavy weight and burden. since i have gone to gay places in my local area and i have seen women and guys there i feel as though sooner or later my gay and straight worlds will collide and someone will find out. i would go off the deep end. mostly im tired and drained mentally. i'm a guy. i like girls in theory and think they are attrctive but honestly physicaly there's just not a instant sexual arousal for me. when i see a guy i like, that is most certainly there and im excited and wishing and hoping that he may like me. with girls its mostly the thought of "she is attractive and woudl be great for me but i do not feel any arousal." i know i cna feel that and it has happened after spending time with them but it is not that instant excitement factor that happens with guys. i wish it was there but i feel empty inside. i'm depressed really. i try and smile and carry on but i'm lonely. i have tried to see how things work out with guys but they dont. so now i am trying to accept that being alone may be my future or settling. has anyone felt like this. i go out, have fun with my straight friends and all those sorts of things but imi empty inside.

[Anonymous]

gosh i feel like i have to repeat myself in most of these anonymous threads, its normal to feel like what you are going through at the moment, i believe you havent fully accepted the fact that you are gay, if i am mistaken i apologize but be honest with yourself, now i will go into the rant where i say that there is nothing wrong with being gay, you believe and follow too much of what the mainstream culture decides you must do, id rather be ridiculed than be a prisoner of my own making

with that being said, the next step is to find someone to talk to, EC is a good place to start, a great place to rely on someone, anyone really, then you can find someone in real life to talk about your problems to, a good friend you know will have your back, that way you can talk about your drinking problems and what has been provoking it.

i think when you are able to be more comfortable with yourself, surroundings and your platonic relationships, you will be able to make clear choices for yourself

from Aaron

[Anonymous]

you basically described what Im going through in my life right now. Im not out either but feel like im probably going to get outed soon. I hit on straight guys all the time when I drink heavily and then i wake up depressed the next day thinking what possessed me to do it. I'm just so... lonely and im tired of being alone, seeing my straight friends in relationships and and me just all alone. I sometimes envy their relationships because I want one for myself so bad. I always told myself if I can find someone to be in a same-sex relationship I would possibly come out but, I feel like there's no one out there for me... dont ever feel like your the only one because I thought i was and decided to search google today and find your post, and Im happy I did.

[mnguy]

I'm sorry you're going through this tough time. I suspect that part of what you feel about women is just what you've been taught your whole life. Sure, we can recognize a beautiful woman, just like we can recognize a good looking car compared to a shitty one, but that doesn't mean we're attracted to the woman. I know how it is when all your friends are talking about women and getting married and you're still alone. It sucks, dude. I hope we can both find a good guy to get with someday. Hand in there

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

you basically described what Im going through in my life right now. Im not out either but feel like im probably going to get outed soon. I hit on straight guys all the time when I drink heavily and then i wake up depressed the next day thinking what possessed me to do it. I'm just so... lonely and im tired of being alone, seeing my straight friends in relationships and and me just all alone. I sometimes envy their relationships because I want one for myself so bad. I always told myself if I can find someone to be in a same-sex relationship I would possibly come out but, I feel like there's no one out there for me... dont ever feel like your the only one because I thought i was and decided to search google today and find your post, and Im happy I did.

y do you feel like there's noone out there for you? have you tried going to anything gay to meet guys that are into other guys? do the straight guys flirt back with you?