im feeling ugly lately

[Anonymous]

lately i have been feeling ugly and undesirable. people have told me i'm cute but i feel as though i do not measure up. im getting older and feel as though im not "hot". i was never "hot" in my twenties and i actually get more looks now than i did when i was in my 20s but i feel as though i'm not really that desirable lately. this coudl be because im single too. anyway, i have become obsessed with my weight as well. even though i am not overweight and most people say im thin or skinny i have started to feel as though i'm fat or that ever bad food i eat will go to my waist. i do not have a 6 pack like other guys and it makes me feel undesirable. mentally i know i can stand to gain some weight. im at a good size now but i feel if i eat somethign bad i am on my way to be being fat.

overall i guess not having people that i like , like me back has made me feel like im ugly.

[Gravity Defyer]

I feel like this post could have been written by me (Except for the age part) and reading it from other person I'd tell you: If people tell you you're cute it's probably because it's true and maybe you haven't found someone because... I don't know.

I used to be obsessed over finding someone to date because I felt that would give me some sort of "Yes-you're-worth-of-being-loved" certificate. But now I'm like: Screw that I am pretty much great on my own. If someone wants to join me, so be it. But I'm not going to pine away for someone.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Gravity Defyer

I feel like this post could have been written by me (Except for the age part) and reading it from other person I'd tell you: If people tell you you're cute it's probably because it's true and maybe you haven't found someone because... I don't know.

I used to be obsessed over finding someone to date because I felt that would give me some sort of "Yes-you're-worth-of-being-loved" certificate. But now I'm like: Screw that I am pretty much great on my own. If someone wants to join me, so be it. But I'm not going to pine away for someone.

thanks wicked! the pining away part really helped me. i'm going to try and adopt that mindset. what made you shift to that. how did you stop listenign to the bad mental voices that said you're not worth it?

[Kidd]

Most people don't have abs and most people don't have what I think could generally be called 'classical beauty' but they still fall in love and are happily so. I've seen people who may or may not have been actual trolls with significant others. The only thing holding you back is yourself. I'm going to second Gravity Defyer. If people say you're cute you probably are.

[Gravity Defyer]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

thanks wicked! the pining away part really helped me. i'm going to try and adopt that mindset. what made you shift to that. how did you stop listenign to the bad mental voices that said you're not worth it?

What made me change?

Well, after I found the guy I liked had no interest in me at all I started to feel as if that meant no one would ever want me and that I was stupid for just considering someone would fall for me. I'd look on the mirror and say: Who could ever love someone like me? And I'd feel extreme self-pity. Then after speaking to friends and my therapist I understood that If that crush didn't want me, that means I'm not his type, period. Not that I'm a horrible un-dateable person.

That was the moment I changed, I realized I had clinged to an expectation of someone else so much that when it went away It brought me down. And that was plain stupid.

Since that epiphanic moment I have been focusing on me. Feeling confortable on my own skin and doing things I enjoy. You should always think that if people see you confident and happy just the way you are they will feel attracted to you. It's true that if you want others to love you, you must love you first.

I hope my story helps, feel free to send me a wall message or something like that if you want to talk about specific things.

[Anonymous]

We all feel unattractive from time to time, and it is never a good feeling. *BUT it is just a feeling *I agree with the other well stated posts, in that if someone tells you you are cute, you should just let it sink in.*

Most of the people I know don't just say things to mess with people or say things they don't mean just for a laugh. And I'm guessing that the people who told you that you're cute, *probably really think that you are cute - even if you felt 'ugly' at the moment.*

If you can't accept it you might just be missing out on a great opportunity to make a new friend or maybe even more *

And just remember that beauty comes in all shapes, sizes, colors and styles and that's what makes it great. *I'm an average guy, not fat by any means, but no six pack abs either - and I'm totally attracted to guys that are bigger than me. *My last boyfriend was bigger than me and my current one is too. *I think that both are beautiful inside and out and I wouldn't ever just say that just to be mean or deceitful - so just be yourself and focus on the things about you that make you feel good and remember that somebody (probably a lot of somebody's) think you are cute and would want to be friends and more with you.