i have a nervous habit around guys im attracted to

[Anonymous]

im a guy. i like guys. im not out. i'm dibble and dabble in gay clubs at times but i do not really have a lot of gay friends really. my friends think i'm straight. a lot of my guy friends are really attractive and to be honest, i think they are hot. sometimes i get really nervous around them for one because i have to keep up the straight thing because they always talk about girls and for two, i honestly think they are really cute. sometimes i limit hanging around them. i do not have a crush on any of them becuase i know htey are not gay, but it doesn't stop me from feeling nervous around them. i have this problem when im in my straight settings that when i meet cute guys i would love to date i get really nervous. it's hard for me to look them in the eyes. i can hold a conversation with them and they do not know but sometimes i stutter and sometimes my voice even cracks a lot when i'm around them..how embarrassing.. i'm 29!!! is there anything i can do about this to not be so nervous around these guys. i know they are straight and they are not interested in me but when im around them i can't help but to check them out.

[Anonymous]

ouch thats gotta suck, something has to happen sooner or later, i can only imagine the constant fear of looking out of place and the feeling of not belonging.

i suggest maybe as a first stepping stone you try to find maybe some gay/lesbian friends, (i dont know where thats up to you to do) or maybe talking more to someone you feel comfortable around, just overall making your own kind of comfortable environment with people you trust.

you may even consider coming out to some people to relieve some of the stress and angst that makes you pretend.

from Aaron

[Lexington]

First, about me. I don't have this at all. Never have. My brain obviously is wired differently, because I've never gotten tongue-tied in the presence of a hot guy. When a local gay club had porn stars visit, my friend had me go and get autographs and talk to them, because he knew I wouldn't react at all...and I didn't.

That said, I realize I'm in a really small minority here. So this isn't something I can simply dismiss ("just treat them like people"), since most people have this sort of problem to some degree. My first question would be whether you were planning on coming out anytime soon. I don't know your backstory, obviously, so that might give me some idea where you might be headed.

Lex

[Anonymous]

hi Lexi. this is OP. no i do not plan on coming out anytime soon. especially not to my straight friends. it's pointless and they aren't gay anyway and in my friend group, gays are seen as "others" and not seen as people that could be like them but just so happen to likes guys. not a lot of gay bashing but its like "that gay dude" kinda conversations.

[nate16]

Im quite the same around guys that i find attractive. I stumble through sentences and have a hard time keeping eye contact. I just dont know what to do with myself. My hypothesis is that i just need more practice and experience. Im sure that my nervous tendencies wont change much lol. Also, gay and leabian couples usually hit the dating scene a bit later than straight couples.( this a is a big generalization. Dating age is definately getting lower as acceptance is spreading.) i hope this helps.

[Lexington]

>>>it's pointless and they aren't gay anyway and in my friend group, gays are seen as "others" and not seen as people that could be like them but just so happen to likes guys. not a lot of gay bashing but its like "that gay dude" kinda conversations.

Then it's not "pointless". The point would be to let your friends know that they're (unintentionally) being hurtful to you every time they make comments like that. Because friends shouldn't do that sort of thing to friends. And, not to put too fine a point on it, if they'd rather stick with the "gays are like this" mindset than accept you, then you don't have friends - you have people you hang out with.

However, this thread wasn't about your closeted status - it was about your nervousness around cute guys. So I'll try to refocus in that direction.

The closest I've gotten to this feeling is talking to "celebrities" of some stripe. And I guess even then I don't have it very bad. Because my main thought is this - they're people. They're human beings. They do all the same stuff I do - the same feelings of insecurity, blundering around not knowing what they're doing, even when they put up a false wall of calm. So I just treat them like that. And as such, I rarely have any issue in that regard.

Lex

[Anonymous]

I get the same way sometimes around guys I like. Once I know the guy a while and we've talked a few times, at work for example, then I'm not nervous anymore. But yea just seeing a cute guy someplace I'd try to just look from a distance and avoid actually talking to him. Another example is guys at work that I don't interact with in my job, if I see him in the cafeteria, I really never can say much and they never want to make convo with me neither.