Feeling guilty after standing someone up

[Anonymous]

I had a date last night planned with this guy but I completely forgot about it and so I got a text at eight saying 'where are you?' and I panicked and came up with some lame excuse that my train had been cancelled. It was pretty weak and I think he knew I was lying because he seems pretty hurt. To be honest, I wasn't really interested in him anyway but that's besides the point. I'd feel terrible if I got stood up and I hate hurting people. I just feel like such a bad person and I'm so ashamed of myself. What should I do? I don't know how to rectify the situation .

[Anonymous]

Why not just tell him what happened. Text him or call or him or something and say that you're really sorry about last night and that you'd forgot and that you'd then paniced and lied cause you didn't know what to do?!

[Owen]

What's done is done, so focus on how you can keep it from happening in the future. Maybe that means investing in a daily planner, maybe that means developing the habit of using some kind of alarm feature on your phone, maybe that means asking your future dates to send you a friendly reminder text before the date. Do whatever works for you.

Originally Posted by Anonymous

To be honest, I wasn't really interested in him anyway but that's besides the point.

I don't think it's as irrelevant as you think it is; it might have something to do with why it was so easy to forget about the date.

[malachite]

If you weren't interested then why make the date?

In an attempt to nice you ended up hurting him.

Honest is like antiseptic, it hurts at first but it's for the best

[Lexington]

I'm afraid I'm going to be the bitchy gargoyle this morning. Because I don't honestly believe you want to "rectify the situation". I think you want somebody to tell you what you did was OK, and that you're not a bad person for having done it. And whereas I don't think this incident makes you a bad person, I still don't think you come away from it looking good at all.

First off, you forgot the date. It does happen, even with things you want to do. I actually slept through my SATs - I literally forgot all about them. I can't say as I was really gung-ho about taking them, but you'd think I'd remember the date. So I can totally accept that, even thought it's a bit odd for an actual date.

Secondly, when you got the "where are you" text, you lied. And yes, your lie was a lame one. You have a cell phone. If I'm late meeting someone, I routinely text or call to say "Hey, I'm running late" - that's standard procedure for most people, I think. But why lie at all? Why not text back "Oh my God, I completely forgot"? It's the truth, right? And you might think "well, I didn't want him to feel bad that I forgot the date", but do you think he felt better hearing your limp excuse instead?

Thirdly - and this is the big one - you discounted the problem to us. "I wasn't really interested in him anyway"? Does this make it better? I guess it does in one fashion - if you stood up a guy you DID care about, he'd be less likely to ask you out again, and that'd suck. I guess with a guy you don't care much about, that's less of a concern.

What should you do now? I guess that'll depend on what you want to happen. Do you really have any interest in having a date with him? Not because "that will prove that I'm not a bad person" but because you really do have interest in him? Then call him up, apologize profusely, set up a new date, and offer to pay for this one. But if not, just cut him free. Tell him you're not interested in him, and go focus on the guys you are interested in.

Lex

[Anonymous]

you stood him up. you obviously weren't that into him based on what you said. he is hurt. you feel bad. i think you should just leave it alone. you feel bad because he was hurt and now you feel like an a-hole. but honestly at this point telling him what really happened doesn't matter now and will only make it seem like you are lying again. and its not going to make him feel better. he is not going to go "oh now i feel great because he forgot we had a date instead of actually missing the train..now i feel like skipping in the park and dating him again." the bottom line is. you had a date, you didn't show. you were a no call/no show. you're not interested anyway. just leave the person alone and you will go down as the person that stood him up. i would not encourage you to try and reschedule. what's the point. you are not going to like him anyway, so you'll basically have to end up dumping him a second time.

the lesson here is, if yoiu're not feeling it. dont entertain people from teh get go.