Need Advice from Bisexuals

[Anonymous]

I'm a 25 year old male and am really struggling with my sexuality. One day I feel like I'm attracted to men, then the next day I'm attracted to women. I was ready to come out as gay at one point, but then found my self attracted and interested in a girl. It seems like I go through phases of liking men more than women and vice versa. I know this is completely normal, but it is taking me on a wild emotional roller coaster.

I wish I could just be either gay or straight. It seems like both the gay and straight communities view bisexuals in a skeptical manner. It often feels like I should just pick a side and get it over with, though I know that is not a realistic thing to do. The uncertainty of it all is driving me insane. I'm not sure how to "come out" to people or if I really need to.

How did you come to terms with being bisexual? Do you find that it is harder than being straight or gay? Also, how do you broach the subject of bisexuality with the people you date and how do they take it?

[Anonymous]

I guess my title should be 'Need Advice About Being Bisexual'. Anyone's advice would be very welcome and appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Nothing signifigant caused me to realize i was bisexual. I always knew in the back of my mind i liked my own gender, but didnt really think about it or analyze it until one day my best friend told me the same thing. We talked about it, and decided we were going to take on the world as bisexual individuals. Bisexuality for me was never really an issue. I guess i've just never thought about it. I just tell myself "you like who you like, you cant help that". In a way i found it to be easy. Before i came to it, I always tried to keep myself from looking at girls. I thought i was being weird and that i needed to stop checking them out. Now when i look at girls and think "hey she's cute" i feel fine about it. Like its natural. I came to terms with it in the middle of a relationship, and i'll admit, he was a skeptical. At first he was a little worried about me being around girls, but he loved me, and he trusted me to be good to him. I've only been with one other guy since then, and i never brought it up, but he knew. and he was fine with it. It just depends on who you're with, and if they cant accept it, then sadly, you dont need to spend time on trying to change them. I think you just need to be comfortable with yourself. What you think and do comes naturally, and fighting it only makes it more difficult. Much love, and much luck<3

[thecat06]

I just realized that I liked both men and women. I also decided that I did not care what others though about me.

It took 4 years for me to accept myself though. Sometimes it takes people longer or shorter amounts of time to accept themselves. The main problem for me was that I used to be a really religious person.

[Mad Man L]

Quite often, bisexuals 'flip-flop' between men and women. I know that generally, if I like a guy, I'll find more interest in hot males etc., and the same for girls.

There are a lot of misconceptions about bisexuals, and in regards to dating etc., it's advisable to not tell someone straight away. Often, the big fear people have when dating bisexuals is that they're going to desert them for someone of the other gender. I'd say it'd be 'easier' than being gay, but it's different for each person.

I didn't take long to accept myself, but looking back, I think I came out a bit too quickly - there were bumps in the road which were only smoothed out last year (post-coming out).

[Anonymous]

Well since you said that you've been in a relationship with men (and i am assuming girls too) and i'm also assuming that you really are attracted to both sexes equallynthen yes you are bi (which you knew).

But what you need to know is that the reason why some to a lot of straight and gay people view bi people through a different light or spectrum is because with straight people they think that we are just going through a phase and one day will find somebody that we'll love in the opposite locker room.

And it is the exact opposite with gay people seeing us with someone of the opposite sex because they think we are going through a similar phase and are trying to "assimilate" (to blend in or be a part of the normal masses). Many people on both sides are either ok with it or think that it has to be one way or the other.

But what you also need to know is that it is ok to find love in both locker rooms, that it doesn't who you like just as long as you like them.

So i say "Screw you, you small minded people. We have the same rights as you even if we like to swing on both sides of the spectrum".

Love who you are,
Love who you'll be,
And love who you're with.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Well since you said that you've been in a relationship with men (and i am assuming girls too) and i'm also assuming that you really are attracted to both sexes equallynthen yes you are bi (which you knew).

But what you need to know is that the reason why some to a lot of straight and gay people view bi people through a different light or spectrum is because with straight people they think that we are just going through a phase and one day will find somebody that we'll love in the opposite locker room.

And it is the exact opposite with gay people seeing us with someone of the opposite sex because they think we are going through a similar phase and are trying to "assimilate" (to blend in or be a part of the normal masses). Many people on both sides are either ok with it or think that it has to be one way or the other.

But what you also need to know is that it is ok to find love in both locker rooms, that it doesn't who you like just as long as you like them.

So i say "Screw you, you small minded people. We have the same rights as you even if we like to swing on both sides of the spectrum".

Love who you are,
Love who you'll be,
And love who you're with.

^^

So very true!

The only thing I would add to this is, and I am sure some of you have experienced it or will experience it is; bisexuals, being bisexual have enough confusion on their mind. It truly is hard coming to grips with your sexuality when it's ever changing. My issue is, I find there isn't enough awareness of bisexuality (some people don't believe it to be real as stated above they either think you are a gay or straight person undercover). In turn this causes confusion.

I find too often gay friends are convinced you are gay but trying to cop out (just look at this forum all the time, I always see hesitant remarks towards bisexual posts, like "well if you are really sure you are gay and not just still in denial) as well as your straight friends will try to convince you that you are not really gay, you are just going through a phase and that really you should be straight. It honestly at times feels like a tug of war between both teams fighting over the last player. It's enough of a tug of war in your own mind.

So I say surround yourself in people who accept you -- not try to help define you. You are what you are and it is beautiful to find attraction and love in both sexes!

[Anonymous]

I'm 23. Still dealing with it. But I accept it a lot more than I used to. It's also really confusing liking both because it does come and go. Sometimes I see a guy who "does it" for me one second and not the next. It also used to be a thing that shirtless guys got me going instantly, but that's starting to decrease making me wonder if that was just feelings of inadequacy - I used to be kind of fat then slimmed down due to working out. Now it just seems like what I see in the mirror every day unless the guy has a six pack. Girls still retain that alien-ness to their bodies that's exotic and appealing.

Basically saying, I still have no idea how I function. The dude (?, sorry if your a chick) above got it right in how confusing it can be due to there being no real answers out there and others constantly pulling us one way or the next. I just think it's fluid - oddly some days a certain guy does it for me, other times that same guy does nothing for me.

How did you come to terms with being bisexual?

7 - first crush on a guy
16 - Collin Farrell said everyone's a little bi
21 - realized it's not going away
22 - experimented with a guy, found myself falling for him
23 - I came out as a bi guy.

Do you find that it is harder than being straight or gay?

I think many dudes would say they'd either be one or the other if they could, even if it is gay. I don't see any hardships in being straight. Gay has the whole coming out thing, but so does being bi. Gay guys say we "have it better" since we can wind up with a girl in the end, but don't they wind up with a guy in the end? How is it that different? Being bi? Chicks and Dudes claim they're "ok" with it then freak out about it and leave you stranded. Not really getting "double" when it's rare to find someone secure.

Also, how do you broach the subject of bisexuality with the people you date and how do they take it?

Haven't had much luck here. The one dude I met accepted it, but I was so confused at the time that I lost him before it really became anything. Chicks, the ones from when I was out, seemed to always be watching me like a hawk and then left me. It was too much for them to deal with. So I'd say tell them later.

People in general? I've found my straight friends accepting of it. I mean, my best friend walked around my apartment shirtless without any problems. Don't have a thing for him, since we're practically brothers. But that showed how little things changed. I just don't mention guys to them like I would girls. I'm also not out at work - I lean towards girls more, coming out would just confuse everyone without diving into "the details."

[adam88]

I find this interesting... so far multiple people gave you advice to "tell them later". My sexual orientation was right there on my dating profile from day one - my thought is, if someone has issues with me being bi, then hiding it from them won't solve anything. I spent 27 years in the closet hiding my orientation already, and hell, I'm tired of it.