School stress, feel bad for getting B's, etc.

[Anonymous]

I am in college and I pressure myself a lot. I feel like I've failed if I get a B. The worst grade I've gotten for a semester was a B- and I felt like I had failed completely when I got that.

My entire family is anal when it comes to grades. My mom, dad, and stepmom all went to graduate school. My mom is a doctor and got all A's through medical school. My dad is a lawyer and got all A's through law school. My mom likes it when I get all A's and B's. She would probably get confused if I got a C. She wouldn't yell at me or anything if I got that. Although in high school she did yell at me for almost failing a class and got mad when I ended up with a C.

My dad only wants me to get A's. He asked me about my grades last semester and I said "I got 3 A's and 1 B." He then responded with "What did you get the B in?" He didn't comment on the A's, just the B. He is very preoccupied with occupational and educational success. He never asks about my friends or social life, just about my grades and schoolwork.

I want to do well and be able to do something as great as my parents. But I don't want to be a doctor or a lawyer. If I get C's then I will just be mediocre in my family. I feel a lot of pressure to try my best at all costs. I don't think my career choice will ever be as good as theirs. My sister wants to do something like my parents so I am the black sheep.

Does anyone else feel this kind of pressure? I can't be as good as my parents. They have set the bar pretty high grade-wise. I don't feel as smart as them. I pressure myself for many reasons: my parents, my own perfectionist attitude when it comes to school, etc. If I can't get an A in a class I almost want to drop it.

[Anonymous]

First, take a deep breath and calm down. Go do something that you know you enjoy and relaxes you. After you have done that, sit down and objectively analyze your goals. You might find that your GPA is not as important as you think.

Granted, if you want to become a doctor or attorney, your GPA does matter. However, don't pursue those occupations because of pressure from others. If you do, you'll end up burnt out and in loads of debt from years of schooling. If you have a desire to pursue other fields of study, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT! That is your choice, do what makes you happy.

If there is one thing I can tell you it's that life is one big experience. Don't let status driven career goals hinder your enjoyment of your time on earth. Tell me, do you really think anybody will give a damn about your GPA when you pass away? The answer is an astounding NO!

I know all of this is easier said than done, but just try to keep perspective on what matters and your life will be immensely happier. This may not have been what you wanted to hear, but it's what you needed to hear. I really wish you a lifetime full of happiness, and I mean that with the utmost sincerity.

P.s. If you want to be a doctor or attorney, there is nothing wrong with that. Just remember to enjoy the journey along the way.

[pompa]

^^ Oop, didn't mean to make that anonymous. haha

[Austin]

I know how you feel somewhat about the grade perfectionism. I swear I'd probably retake a class if I got a B... (if you can do that!) My parent's weren't that great in college though. My dad wasn't straight A's and always says he was mediocre and my mom didn't finish college.

Don't let your parents force you into doing a career you don't want. It's your life and you only live once so you should enjoy it. And since you'll likely be working at your career for a huge chunk of your life, don't make it a career you'll regret. I do, however, recommend finishing college and stuff. You didn't mention what kind of career YOU wanted.

I bet my parents would say the same thing about grades... however I'd probably highlight the B myself.

Just try your best. (:

[phospholipase]

I'm sure that type of mentality is common among college students and those college-bound, arguably prevalent among the pre-meds.

I myself only received Bs from 1 teacher through high school, and sure it was devastating because I thought it would limit where I'd go for undergrad. But everything turned out OK (pessimistic me puts it at OK instead of "great"), and looking back, it was pretty ridiculous loosing sleep about grades.

Ironically, I've gotten a few more Bs in college, and I guess I still lose sleep over it (twinsies?) Neither of my parents got very far with education, but I think I push myself more than they push me. We all know it's sad and ridiculous to punish yourself for grades, but a lot of us do it anyways. I feel you.

The typical advice you'd get would be something similar to the following:
Do what you love and you'll be happy; take the classes that you know you'll love, and you'll have a natural inclination to study and learn more, and as a result, do well in those classes. Of course we all know these are idealistic values, but just do your best.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by phospholipase

I'm sure that type of mentality is common among college students and those college-bound, arguably prevalent among the pre-meds.

I myself only received Bs from 1 teacher through high school, and sure it was devastating because I thought it would limit where I'd go for undergrad. But everything turned out OK (pessimistic me puts it at OK instead of "great"), and looking back, it was pretty ridiculous loosing sleep about grades.

Ironically, I've gotten a few more Bs in college, and I guess I still lose sleep over it (twinsies?) Neither of my parents got very far with education, but I think I push myself more than they push me. We all know it's sad and ridiculous to punish yourself for grades, but a lot of us do it anyways. I feel you.

The typical advice you'd get would be something similar to the following:
Do what you love and you'll be happy; take the classes that you know you'll love, and you'll have a natural inclination to study and learn more, and as a result, do well in those classes. Of course we all know these are idealistic values, but just do your best.

This is the OP> Thanks everyone. I'm not pre-med because I am terrible at science. I actually am doing something completely different from my parents and it sometimes makes me feel like a failure.

[Chouchou]

Sorry to hear about the pressures you're facing from your parents on academics and occupational directions. It's understandable how parents would be concerned with academics and career choices given the job market these days, but excessive concern puts unnecessary emotional strain on the students, who need healthy social lives and can't spend all their time with their noses in books.

My parents also did exceptionally well in their schooling; my dad has a Ph.D., and the worst grade he ever got in any class was a B-. Ph.D.s are common among our family friends (mostly Chinese). I did extremely well in elementary school and middle school, so my parents set the bar high for my high school performance. As high school progressed, they slowly had to lower their expectations. In college and graduate school, I got a good number of C's and D's, and only strong effors in the final semesters pulled my GPA above the 3.0 threshold. More recently, I failed three out of four sections of the CPA exam, and my parents have given me an ultimatum to pass my retakes AND find a full-time job by May. So, in short, I have felt and still do feel a significant amount of pressure from parents.

I shall echo what the others have said and insist you focus on your interests instead of what fields of study your parents expect you to pursue. You'll find that it's much easier to achieve a good GPA if you major in a topic that you're genuinely interested in. You are an adult, and while you will always respect that your parents have those high expectations because they want you to be a a successful professional in a profession that brings esteem and prestige, it's about time you made choices about which direction you wish to take with your life. Your parents may not ever quite let go of their disappointment in you for not becoming a doctor or attorney, but if, in the future, they see that your chosen career is fulfilling and rewarding, their minds may yet change.