its getting bad

[Anonymous]

i'm not sure how much longer i can go on. i dont wanna be here anymore.

[phospholipase]

Find somebody to talk to. I know that at this instance thing are looking down, but let me assure you that its just a simple photograph of one instance in your life. You still have a full motion picture film to direct and produce. You have a direct influence on your life. All you have now is a bump in the middle of the road. Slow down and cruise over it. Once you're past this bump, get ready to feel the wind in your hair and see the brighter things in life.

Remember that anything that you're feeling right now is instantaneous, but life is continuous, and things do get better.

[mnguy]

I'm sorry you feel so down What's wrong? Talk to us here or call the Trevor Project helpline. Something can be done to decrease your depression. What's going on?

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by mnguy

I'm sorry you feel so down What's wrong? Talk to us here or call the Trevor Project helpline. Something can be done to decrease your depression. What's going on?

I came out to a crush a few yrs ago. He was awesome. Great looking, nice, masculine,and seemed interested n me but turned out he was straight and things ended after that.im 35 so I recently saw him somewhere and he looked the same and had a family now and his life looks like its going great. Meanwhile im.still single gettin older cant find anyone and in the hopes of finding someone ended up going to all these gay places, tryin to date guys, and other things im ashamed of (hangong out with guys I would never have n my straight life but did cuz I didnt have any options).I feel like my reputation now is probably stamped as the secret gay dude.alls I wanted to do was meet someone like him but that never happened and I tried all types.anyway when I saw him and the great straight life he gets to have I looked at my life and how much of a loser I felt and how gross I felt and how he was so much better than me because he is straight and gorgeous and im this desperate gay dude.when I first met him I hadnt been out to gay things yet so I felt better about myself but now after all of the gay people that have seen me at places I feel horrible and like damaged goods. I wish I could b like him. He is so lucky to live a normal life and nothing has goneright with me and guys. Im a loser

[Eleanor Rigby]

Hey you're definitely not a loser because you haven't find Mr Right yet ! Some people are lucky enough to meet their significant other early in life, for some people it takes longer, some people have only one love in their life, and other will have several important partners in a lifetime.
Everyone is different, everyone's life is different. But there is one thing for sure : you have intrinsic value that has nothing to do with the fact you're single or not.
I am sorry that you're feeling lonely and sad and that seeing your old crush made you feel even worse.
If you're feeling so lonely and upset that you're thinking about death, I think it would definitely be worth talking about it with someone. Have you been seeing a therapist ? Maybe that would help you understand better why you're feeling like a failure and may help you regain some self-esteem. You seem to be still struggling with the fact you're gay, and that may explain why you're having troubles finding someone to love too. I think it would be worth trying to work on that issue with a therapist. Nobody should be in such a pain and I am sure you're as worthy of happiness as everyone else in this world.

If you feel like you need to talk, you're always welcome to Pm me or any advisors of the team. Listening and trying to help are what we are here for.
Take care, Cécile

[mnguy]

Hey dude, ok, I see how all that's really depressing to you as it is to me too. I can relate to much of what's getting you down. For what it's worth I admire you for having the guts to come out to him and for getting out to try to meet guys. You know, there's a chance that guy is gay but is too scared to be true to himself. I know several guys like your dude and I wouldn't be the least bit surprised if someday they come out and cause a bunch of trouble for the family they've been using to hide for so long. To be fair, some guys don't realize how gay they really are until later in life so I'm not talking about them with the hiding part. I feel jealous sometimes of those guys I've had crushes on who now have the seemingly perfect life, but they probably have some issues we're unaware of and they're NOT better than us.

You've also been out trying to meet guys and not had any luck finding some you're into. I'm sorry, that sucks. I imagine that would happen to me too if I ever tried. I think it's great that you've tried, but at the same time I can see how maybe you wish you hadn't because you get your hopes up and then it doesn't happen. That happens to me all the time with other stuff. The gay people you met should befriend you, not look down on you; what a bunch of jerks. So anyhow you're not alone in how you're feeling and I'm much more the secret gay dude than you are, if that helps at all. So if I can keep going I really hope you can too. PM me if you're able to and feel like it. Take care

[Sunsetting]

you're not a loser, if you are, that means i am and i can't accept that because it'll only lead me down to a pit of despair.

yes, i have problems and yes, some friends of mine have gone on to have the seemingly "perfect" life, but two things... it's not all about having another person affirm me, no matter how much i want that, i have to exercise the truth about me...it's a lot of good stuff (and its the same for you) and you never know the challenges that come down the pike for other folks either; not necessarily better or worse, just different.

first, have you ever noticed that some of the most 'successful' people are those who acknowledge their shortcomings, but don't obsess on them. i was thinking the other day... they look at what they have and capitalize on it. i would love a relationship, but if i make other people being with me a goal, then i let myself be in constant torment day after day that i haven't achieved my goal. what i really want is to start looking at the parts of me that are good and true...and capitalize on them. it took work at first, but it comes easier now. a counselor is a perfect option to help achieve that goal...you are a gift my friend that is the truth, a gift and don't entertain the poison anymore. every age has its benefits and i'm with you in discovering the benefits of my current age.

second, i have to make sure to not compare myself to other people or even the images of perfection that are shoved down our throats from any form of media; tv, movies, porn - they are doctored up images that are designed to make us dislike who we are and what we have for $$$$ someone else's profit. they make us feel like we are diminutive slugs by the time we accept some of that swill. YOU, my friend are a gift, your personality is a gift, your eyes, your mind, your heart, YOU are a unique gift. don't let the thoughts from old feelings of inadequacy or from the outside of you now infiltrate and say anything otherwise. you are a gift and i am with you... my younger wonderful brother. and that's just the truth about you...

[mnguy]

Listen to this guy ^^^ he makes a lot of sense and Cecile too

[sexyalex]

Dear Anonymous,

It is without apology that I tell you if you feel like a loser, then you already lost.

Your in your thirties for god sakes. You make it sound like you're in your fifties. My mother got divorced at age 53 and still found love again 5 years later.

The matter at hand is, life did not turn out the way you wanted it to. And for that I am sorry to hear. However, time is a currency that we all have. All of us and it should not be wasted.
Time is the key to unlock happiness. Time is the number that controls all other numbers. Age, bank account figures, pay checks, zip code, weight, height. Etc.

If you invest your time wisely many of these things can change for you.
One of my first advice to friends who are cutters (as I was one of them a year or two back) is to find another way of releasing anger. The anger of rejection. The anger of fear.
For me, it was sports. Me, the girly girly, gay teen who used to get run down and bullied in school turned out to be the fastest runner in his age group in the entire country. -I did have allot to release.
Secondly. Talk. Talk talk talk to people. Strangers, your priest, your parents, your best friend, a therapist. The more people you speak to, the more insights and inspiration and different tools to move forward you may find.
Thirdly, read as many self help material as you can get about health.
Health is 3D. Forget men! Life is incomplete without the right guy to console you because lets face it? Money can buy you allot of things but only a good man can keep you warm during these cold winter days, huh?
But if we focus on our health, (a) First dimension, the inner health of our bodies. I think that movie "SUper Size Me" has proven how much the foods we eat can affect our emotions. Balance your diet. Mix crunchy foods with soft foods. Increase your vitamin intake and portion your meals so you feel good on the inside as much as you do on the...(b) Outside. Physical health is just as important. Our bodies are our biggest asset. Our minds, the knowledge we have. Whether we learn from our mistakes in life or we keep climbing out of the pot hole to only jump back in again. Our bodies are our marketing tools. It doesn't matter what clothes you wear. It just matters how poised you are, how confident you look from the way you feel because you have aligned your inner health with your outter health. And finally (c). Spiritual health. Something I know many young folks don't believe in today. But whether you believe in God, Satan, Vishnu, Buddah or Hitler, you just gotta believe in something! Because it's in the magic of believeing that puts all three into motion. It's where thoughts become things and this can ether be a negative or a positive outcome.
None can go without the other and all must be balanced. The worst kind of people are the kinds who only focus on one apparatus. They ether become (a) Mal-nurished, (b) self centered and cynical or (c) selfishly not care enough about themselves because God or some supreme being will provide. Don't become one of them.

If you work on improving all three dimensions of your health. You will be set. Everything will fall right in your lap. I promise. You will love again and you will be loved.

Forgiving this asshole for hurting you is your gift to him. But forgetting a horrible past is your gift to yourself.

Warm regards,
Alex