Sexually Confused and Needs Advice - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 22nd Jan 2012, 10:21 AM

Hi Everyone,

I admit to knowing very little about LGBTQ. I am a girl who has been hetero my whole life, but there have been times where I feel like I am attracted to my closest girl friends. It has never really developed into anything though, because I definitely have strong feelings for guys. I was pretty willing to ignore any small feelings I got for girls because they were rare and outweighed by how I felt for guys.

Lately, I have been having some issues though. I work with a girl who I seem drawn to, and I'm pretty sure she is gay. She dresses very masculine and she almost seems more like a guy than a girl to me. Which is maybe why my feelings have been a lot stronger this time than ever before. Basically, I'm confused. I still like guys, but at the same time I am attracted to her. But maybe I'm only attracted to her, because she seems like a guy to me. Does that make me gay? I don't know. I've never been with a girl, so it's possible I wouldn't even like it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty confused.

Any thoughts or suggestions?

Thanks so much!

Anonymous · 22nd Jan 2012, 12:32 PM

It sounds like you may be bisexual with a leaning towards men. Alternatively, you may be heterosexual and just bicurious, or you could be in the process of discovering you're gay. From your post, it sounds most like you're bisexual.

A few things that might be helpful:

Trying to break down your feelings into romantic/sexual. Perhaps you are heteroromantic and bisexual.

Pegging yourself on the Kinsey Scale. Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Nadski · 22nd Jan 2012, 05:50 PM

i agree with the answer above however you sound a lot like me. when i was younger i had a crush on a friend of mine but i was still very attracted to guys. it never developed into anything either and i assumed it was just a phaze. i kept denying any feelings i had towards girls and placing my feelings for guys above it all. i thought i was just curious, however now im contemplating whether i am a lesbian. whenever i have been with a guy i have felt nothing. so my question to you is, what do you feel when you are with a guy? and what do you feel towards girls? it may just be curiosity, or like the answer above stated you may be bisexaul but leaning towards guys. but i guess it's hard to tell unless you have experienced both sides. give it more time, and take things slow, dont pressure yourself into trying to find out who you like. and with the girl at work, have a conversation with her, try and get to know her, being her friend is a way you can try and find out if she is into girls without asking her directly. this doesnt make you gay at all, im sure many people have experienced the same things as you however choose not to admit it to anyone. hope this helped

workingman1291 · 22nd Jan 2012, 07:45 PM

well i do have to agree somewhat with the second anonymous. You could be attracted to her because of how much of a man that she acts/looks. It is something to consider but for the moment just do what you like and you can cross that bridge when you come up to it.

1lternatively if you just want to comfront it immediately then maybe you should ask a few co-workers about her to see on what the deal is with her, and if you want to explore these feelings a bit more then maybe talk to somebody in your school or work and talk about this or just ask this masculine girl to a cup of coffee and find a little about her in person.

there is no right or wrong way to approach this but if this was me then i would just simply ask a few co-workers about the person in question, maybe see what they are like on facebook, and ask them to a cup of coffee and just talk.

If nothing happens and you still feel the same way then to my amature diagnosis you are straight, only drawn to her because she acts like she has a pair of balls. If you are more drawn to her or attracted to her then you simply have a bi-curious or gay attraction and if that's the case then you have nothing to fear because here you are surrounded by people who understand and like you for who you are.

22nd Jan 2012, 10:21 AM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Sexually Confused and Needs Advice Hi Everyone, I admit to knowing very little about LGBTQ. I am a girl who has been hetero my whole life, but there have been times where I feel like I am attracted to my closest girl friends. It has never really developed into anything though, because I definitely have strong feelings for guys. I was pretty willing to ignore any small feelings I got for girls because they were rare and outweighed by how I felt for guys. Lately, I have been having some issues though. I work with a girl who I seem drawn to, and I'm pretty sure she is gay. She dresses very masculine and she almost seems more like a guy than a girl to me. Which is maybe why my feelings have been a lot stronger this time than ever before. Basically, I'm confused. I still like guys, but at the same time I am attracted to her. But maybe I'm only attracted to her, because she seems like a guy to me. Does that make me gay? I don't know. I've never been with a girl, so it's possible I wouldn't even like it. I'm not sure what to do. I'm pretty confused. Any thoughts or suggestions? Thanks so much!

22nd Jan 2012, 12:32 PM	#2
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Sexually Confused and Needs Advice It sounds like you may be bisexual with a leaning towards men. Alternatively, you may be heterosexual and just bicurious, or you could be in the process of discovering you're gay. From your post, it sounds most like you're bisexual. A few things that might be helpful: Trying to break down your feelings into romantic/sexual. Perhaps you are heteroromantic and bisexual. Pegging yourself on the Kinsey Scale. Kinsey scale - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

22nd Jan 2012, 05:50 PM	#3
Nadski Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: Bisexual Out Status: Out to some friends + a few family members Location: Australia Age: 16 Posts: 36 Join Date: Oct 2011	Re: Sexually Confused and Needs Advice i agree with the answer above however you sound a lot like me. when i was younger i had a crush on a friend of mine but i was still very attracted to guys. it never developed into anything either and i assumed it was just a phaze. i kept denying any feelings i had towards girls and placing my feelings for guys above it all. i thought i was just curious, however now im contemplating whether i am a lesbian. whenever i have been with a guy i have felt nothing. so my question to you is, what do you feel when you are with a guy? and what do you feel towards girls? it may just be curiosity, or like the answer above stated you may be bisexaul but leaning towards guys. but i guess it's hard to tell unless you have experienced both sides. give it more time, and take things slow, dont pressure yourself into trying to find out who you like. and with the girl at work, have a conversation with her, try and get to know her, being her friend is a way you can try and find out if she is into girls without asking her directly. this doesnt make you gay at all, im sure many people have experienced the same things as you however choose not to admit it to anyone. hope this helped

22nd Jan 2012, 07:45 PM	#4
workingman1291 It's whatever Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Straight but curious Out Status: Still not sure Location: Port Huron Posts: 7 Join Date: Jan 2012	Re: Sexually Confused and Needs Advice well i do have to agree somewhat with the second anonymous. You could be attracted to her because of how much of a man that she acts/looks. It is something to consider but for the moment just do what you like and you can cross that bridge when you come up to it. 1lternatively if you just want to comfront it immediately then maybe you should ask a few co-workers about her to see on what the deal is with her, and if you want to explore these feelings a bit more then maybe talk to somebody in your school or work and talk about this or just ask this masculine girl to a cup of coffee and find a little about her in person. there is no right or wrong way to approach this but if this was me then i would just simply ask a few co-workers about the person in question, maybe see what they are like on facebook, and ask them to a cup of coffee and just talk. If nothing happens and you still feel the same way then to my amature diagnosis you are straight, only drawn to her because she acts like she has a pair of balls. If you are more drawn to her or attracted to her then you simply have a bi-curious or gay attraction and if that's the case then you have nothing to fear because here you are surrounded by people who understand and like you for who you are.