Should I come out to her? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 22nd Jan 2012, 12:23 PM

I'm a gay female, just so you know.

My sister (Kerri) and I were talking yesterday and an interesting convo came up. We started talking about gay people from our high school. She talked about one specific girl named "Sharon" and how Sharon used to go into great detail about lesbian sex. My sister said it was really uncomfortable to hear about sex from both Sharon and a gay guy (regarding anal sex).

I said that it's uncomfortable to hear details about anyone's sex life and my sister agreed. Then Kerri said her friend would always ask Sharon about lesbian sex. My sister said her friend sounded really curious and that she wouldn't care if she was a *she lowered her voice* lesbian but she's pretty sure she isn't.

My sister used to be homophobic. She used to say dyke all the time and now she's better. Not 100% better though. We hardly ever hang out but I feel like sometime in the future I want to come out to her. In fact my mom and sister had a conversation (according to my mom) where my sister told my mom she knows I am gay but she is waiting for me to tell her. Because that's what her gay friends recommended.

I feel very uncomfortable discussing my sexuality. My sister would probably not shun me but I'm scared. I might say it and then want to pretend like it never happened. What should I do?

Anonymous · 22nd Jan 2012, 02:01 PM

I know the feeling
If she won't shun you then that is a good sign. But don't feel obligated to come out to anyone, Only do it when you feel ready.

Anonymous · 23rd Jan 2012, 05:34 AM

well thats very considerate of her, i wish i had the same opportunity, when i came out to my sister she cried, what was worst was we were out in public also, so imagine there we were looking like we came from a broken family to complete strangers.

she was also the first family member i came out to also

Anonymous · 24th Jan 2012, 10:09 AM

This is really a calculated decision. I don't believe that one MUST come out to everyone ASAP. You must make an estimation of your sister's reaction, both in the long and short term and proceed from there. With much of my family, I've decided against it, at least for a few years. Then again, I do not live with them.

22nd Jan 2012, 12:23 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Should I come out to her? I'm a gay female, just so you know. My sister (Kerri) and I were talking yesterday and an interesting convo came up. We started talking about gay people from our high school. She talked about one specific girl named "Sharon" and how Sharon used to go into great detail about lesbian sex. My sister said it was really uncomfortable to hear about sex from both Sharon and a gay guy (regarding anal sex). I said that it's uncomfortable to hear details about anyone's sex life and my sister agreed. Then Kerri said her friend would always ask Sharon about lesbian sex. My sister said her friend sounded really curious and that she wouldn't care if she was a she lowered her voice lesbian but she's pretty sure she isn't. My sister used to be homophobic. She used to say dyke all the time and now she's better. Not 100% better though. We hardly ever hang out but I feel like sometime in the future I want to come out to her. In fact my mom and sister had a conversation (according to my mom) where my sister told my mom she knows I am gay but she is waiting for me to tell her. Because that's what her gay friends recommended. I feel very uncomfortable discussing my sexuality. My sister would probably not shun me but I'm scared. I might say it and then want to pretend like it never happened. What should I do?

22nd Jan 2012, 02:01 PM	#2
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Should I come out to her? I know the feeling If she won't shun you then that is a good sign. But don't feel obligated to come out to anyone, Only do it when you feel ready.

23rd Jan 2012, 05:34 AM	#3
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Should I come out to her? well thats very considerate of her, i wish i had the same opportunity, when i came out to my sister she cried, what was worst was we were out in public also, so imagine there we were looking like we came from a broken family to complete strangers. she was also the first family member i came out to also

24th Jan 2012, 10:09 AM	#4
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: Should I come out to her? This is really a calculated decision. I don't believe that one MUST come out to everyone ASAP. You must make an estimation of your sister's reaction, both in the long and short term and proceed from there. With much of my family, I've decided against it, at least for a few years. Then again, I do not live with them.