Ashamed of being gay

[Anonymous]

Why do I still feel embarrassed and uncomfortable when saying "I am attracted to her" instead of him? I feel so out of place sometimes for falling in love with women. My heart only races for other females and I get crushes on women. I have known I'm gay for almost 10 years but I am not even comfortable enough to say "I am gay" out loud.

I hate saying "I am a lesbian." It feels dirty. I don't feel a connection to that word. I almost cringe when someone says I'm a lesbian. I hate that word.

I feel ashamed for liking other women. I just want to be seen as normal. I wish I could like men but every time I try to date a man I feel like I'm lying to myself. Why is it so hard?

[Anonymous]

who are you to say that being gay "isnt normal"??

you need to stop buying into this religious bullshit and begin opening your eyes, there is "nothing" wrong with being gay, there never will be anything wrong with being gay.

you believe too much of what other people tell you, you care too much about the opinions of others to even find out the truth for yourself.

there is "nothing" wrong with you or anyone else, its when you begin to follow in someone else's "idea" of perfection/beauty/whats normal, that shit happens.

a dr sues quote "be who you are, and say what you feel, cause those who matter dont mind, and those who mind dont matter" is perfect to describe and hopefully open your eyes to the truth, cause i life isnt worth living if you arent even alive.

from Aaron

[Beertruck]

I've been there! In fact, my first post on this forum was similar to this. XD

Here's the thing - the hardest part is putting a label on it. Right now, for whatever reason, you have a negative association with being a lesbian. Just saying that you're a lesbian isn't like flipping a switch and suddenly BOOM, you're out and proud. Coming out is a process that will likely last most of your life. For some people - like myself - it takes a little longer to erm, process.

The good news is, this will get better with time.

As you get used to the idea of being gay, as more and more people throw their support behind you, as you grow as a person, you will not be ashamed of being gay. I promise it. Hell, you even have my permission to be proud of it!

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Beertruck

I've been there! In fact, my first post on this forum was similar to this. XD

Here's the thing - the hardest part is putting a label on it. Right now, for whatever reason, you have a negative association with being a lesbian. Just saying that you're a lesbian isn't like flipping a switch and suddenly BOOM, you're out and proud. Coming out is a process that will likely last most of your life. For some people - like myself - it takes a little longer to erm, process.

The good news is, this will get better with time.

As you get used to the idea of being gay, as more and more people throw their support behind you, as you grow as a person, you will not be ashamed of being gay. I promise it. Hell, you even have my permission to be proud of it!

This is the Original Poster. Thanks for your support, Beertruck. I am better than I used to be but I still feel weird about the label "lesbian." I really dislike that term. I am more okay with thinking "I am gay" than thinking "I am a lesbian." It feels like I am a completely different person when saying "I am a lesbian." I hate how when people find out I am gay they automatically call me a lesbian. I already have a hard time dealing with my sexuality and when they give me a label...it makes it worse.

I do think that I get moments where I feel proud and then moments where I am scared and hating myself. I get freaked out because I think about how I will be in a relationship with a woman eventually and that means coming out to everyone and being affectionate in public. Thanks for telling me I can be proud. It makes me feel a little better.

[Anonymous]

Labels can be paralyzing, it's something I'm fighting with and trying to understand as well, because (and especially in the US) modern society is very label-driven. We are taught to judge and categorize people, so all the baggage you pick up about a given label as you grow up becomes a lot heavier when you start to think it might be applied to you. I am just starting to learn about this myself, but it seems like if a label scares you or doesn't feel right, you don't have to use it. The truth is more complex and what you are beyond the language is what counts, learn to be accepting and proud of that, and the label won't matter so much. Good luck.

[Lexington]

It helps if you know other gay people. The more you hear them discussing being gay, and being attracted to the same sex, in a standard way, the more normal it'll seem to you.

Lex

[Eleanor Rigby]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I feel ashamed for liking other women. I just want to be seen as normal. I wish I could like men but every time I try to date a man I feel like I'm lying to myself. Why is it so hard?

Just for the record, being gay IS normal.
I've seen once a psychiatrist explaining that being gay is like being left-handed. It's a variation of nature. Sure there is more right-handed people than left-handed ones, however, nobody in their right mind would say someone isn't normal for being left-handed.
It's exactly the same when it comes about being gay. Sure there is more straight people than gay people, but that doesn't mean being gay isn't normal. It's just different.
Now, why is it so hard ? Probably because of your own internalized homophobia. If you've been taught that being gay is wrong, or at least weird, that may have left a deep print on how you're feeling toward yourself. Maybe you're also scared to be rejected by your loved ones or worried that a part of society won't accept you (and unfortunately, it's the case). That's very normal too, those feelings are something most gay people have to deal with. For some it's not so hard to overcome and for others, it's more difficult and painful, but you'll get there

Take care, Cécile

[yourillusion]

I am with you. I prefer to identify, if I must, as a gay woman. I'm not totally comfortable with the term lesbian. Others are correct to that the more you get to be around other lgbt folks and the more you come out (even to yourself), the more comfortable you will become with your own truth.

You are normal. Being gay is normal, just different. You'll be okay. The biggest problem lies with our society, not with you. We're all so uptight about sexuality in general, that any slight variation scares most people. We're getting there, slow though it may be. Hang in there.

[silverhalo]

As the others have said, it takes time but it does get better. There is a difference between knowing your gay and starting to accept it. Its something everyone has to work through and everyones journey is different. It can be helpful to just start trying to say it infront of the mirror every morning, like, 'I am gay, but it doesnt make me a bad person', its suprising how this can help.