transgender question

[Anonymous]

Someone close to me has told me that they are MTF. I'm having trouble accepting this. I still love them like I always have and I really don't think about them any differently (which may be part of the problem I suppose) but I can't bring myself to say 'she' instead of 'he' or call him by the feminine name that he picked.

I want to be supportive and I didn't have any problem when I thought he was gay, so I'm pretty surprised that I'm having so much trouble accepting this. I haven't told him that I feel like this and I don't think I can.

I'm so scared for him, scared of the discrimination he'll face and the possiblity of harrasment or worse, all the obstacles that will be there. I'm worried that he isn't thinking about this in the long term, the way this will affect the rest of his life. It seems like he just wants a quick fix and thinks that everything will happen with the transitioning quickly. And that once it's done all his problems will be solved.

I just want him to be safe and happy. I want to be there for whatever he needs from me. So I guess my question is this: Can anyone share some of the paths to acceptance that their families/friends have taken toward accepting a transgender loved one?

I'm sorry this is long and jumbled. But will someone please, please help me figure out how to accept this.

[Charni]

Firstly: Do NOT call him "him" and by his masculine name in public. That could get the wrong people knowing he is a trans and that isn't good.

Secondly: Take your time to accept him. You don't have to accept it immediatly. That is asking WAY to much. My best not-so-best-friend-anymore (for other personal reasons) still calls me by the wrong name and calls me a boy. I'm fine with that. Just take your time.

[J Snow]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Someone close to me has told me that they are MTF. I'm having trouble accepting this. I still love them like I always have and I really don't think about them any differently (which may be part of the problem I suppose) but I can't bring myself to say 'she' instead of 'he' or call him by the feminine name that he picked.

I want to be supportive and I didn't have any problem when I thought he was gay, so I'm pretty surprised that I'm having so much trouble accepting this. I haven't told him that I feel like this and I don't think I can.

I'm so scared for him, scared of the discrimination he'll face and the possiblity of harrasment or worse, all the obstacles that will be there. I'm worried that he isn't thinking about this in the long term, the way this will affect the rest of his life. It seems like he just wants a quick fix and thinks that everything will happen with the transitioning quickly. And that once it's done all his problems will be solved.

I just want him to be safe and happy. I want to be there for whatever he needs from me. So I guess my question is this: Can anyone share some of the paths to acceptance that their families/friends have taken toward accepting a transgender loved one?

I'm sorry this is long and jumbled. But will someone please, please help me figure out how to accept this.

Well, a good first step would probably be to make an effort to refer to her by her preferred gender on here at least. I know things are hard to change and slip ups can happen, but if you are writing something out and have the time to think it over and prepare it, that can give you some practice in getting used to calling her by her preferred pronouns.

I think the best thing you can do is just talk to her. Explain how you feel. Apologize in advance for the slip ups you are going to make. Let her know that if you call her "he" its only because that's how you've known her your whole life. Explain that its a process and it takes some getting used to.

However, if you really are concerned about her struggles she's going to have to face, then that just means you have to be there to support her. You obviously care about her, and are a good friend.

[Anonymous]

Wait she is MtF? I so badly misread that. Awkward...

[Charni]

Wait she is MtF? I so badly misread that. Awkward...