Cut myself. Possible trigger.

[Anonymous]

I cut myself today on my legs. I started cutting myself again on and off for the past 2 months. I used to cut a lot. I started when I was 16 and it's kind of been there for a while (over a 6 year span), goes away, and then comes back... At 20 I'd cut like everyday with a safety pin. I guess that was more like scratching really hard or something? I don't know.

I used to use things that weren't too sharp because I liked the pain and I was afraid to use more serious weapons.....Well lately I've been using a razor that cuts me pretty easily if I just press a tiny bit. I'm really scared that the cuts will turn into scars and other people will see it. I'm also a bit scared because I don't see the seriousness of this. So my lack of caring about my body at times makes me a little freaked out. I don't care if I hurt. I don't care if I hurt myself or if someone else I love hurts me by hitting me. I simply don't care. I used to ride my bike through thorns because I didn't seem to care about self-inflicted pain.

I talked to my counselor about the fact that I've cut before but it just doesn't feel like I have a real problem. I mean...It's not like I'm suicidal. I just do it sometimes. And I control myself to where I don't cut too deep. But at the same time I do think it is serious if someone else is cutting themselves. Why the disconnect? Why is it okay for me to cut myself but it's wrong for someone else to do it?

[musican]

First off Self harm is a difficult thing to deal with because people are ashamed that they do it. I certainly didn't know how many of my friends have dealt with it until we became really close. It's really upsetting at how common self harm is. But what you can take away from knowing that other people deal with it is that you're not alone, that other people have the thoughts you do, and that you can get through it.

It's not surprising that you think it's okay for you to do it. People want to feel validated in their actions - they want to know that it's normal or right for them to act and feel the way they do. Try not to do that. I'm not saying that your feelings aren't real or that you should try to push them aside but you should try your best not to act on them. Try your best not to hurt yourself because it's not good for you. It's tough but you can do it. Try calling a friend or crisis line to talk through your feelings. I know some of the advisors have suggested the rubber band technique. You wear a rubber band and when you think about hurting yourself you snap it. It doesn't leave scars so it's better than cutting.

Why do you self harm? (You never mentioned so I hope you don't mind my asking)

Remember that you're not alone and that there are people willing and able to help you out. The advisors here are very good and are here to help so don't be afraid to send one of them a message. Hang in there.