To help an acquaintance or not? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

Anonymous · 25th Jan 2012, 09:47 PM

So this guy I graduated with last year just broke up with his longtime girlfriend (or so I assume, as hes single now). He never really posts on facebook, but did make a status about losing a best friend, which really makes me want to reach out to him. I'm unsure about it because I had a very obvious crush on him during school, so I don't want to come off as a crazy, gay stalker.

Here's the message:

"We never were great friends, and its hardly any place for me to say anything, because I don't know whats up with you, but I've lost a couple of best friends over the years, and it sucks. That doesn't begin to describe it, (gut-wrenching and some other slew of adjectives would be better), but the point is that you need to accept that you are gonna be miserable for a little while, but things slowly start to turn around. It takes time, but it slowly gets easier, you make new friends, but you still remember everything that you went through with them. Someday you may be friends again, but you can't let it stop you from enjoying what life, and the people around you, have to offer. Now, you probably think I'm crazy for sending you this out of the blue, but its always been my mantra to help others with things I've dealt with. You can ignore this, forward my insanity to anyone, but I hope that things turn out well for you."

Advice? :/

Anonymous · 26th Jan 2012, 07:28 AM

I don't think you sound crazy, sometimes reaching out to people can really help.

Sheyceli · 26th Jan 2012, 09:17 AM

I would say to go ahead and tell him your thoughts on the situation. I doubt that the thought of you being the "crazy, gay stalker" will come to mind when he sees this note from you. All I can say is that, be there for him as much as he is comfortable with. I know if I were in his shoes and had just lost a best friend, I wouldn't care who the comfort comes from, I would just be happy that someone is showing that they care.

**Lexington** · 26th Jan 2012, 11:20 AM

My personal thought - and that's all it is - is that that's a bit of a wall of text coming from somebody he doesn't know that well, especially if it's known that you had a crush on him. If I were in a similar situation, I'd certainly reach out, but I'd keep it short. "Sorry to hear - hope things start looking up soon!" Just something like that. But if you're well-known for writing longer messages, it probably wouldn't be any big deal.

Lex

25th Jan 2012, 09:47 PM	#1
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	To help an acquaintance or not? So this guy I graduated with last year just broke up with his longtime girlfriend (or so I assume, as hes single now). He never really posts on facebook, but did make a status about losing a best friend, which really makes me want to reach out to him. I'm unsure about it because I had a very obvious crush on him during school, so I don't want to come off as a crazy, gay stalker. Here's the message: "We never were great friends, and its hardly any place for me to say anything, because I don't know whats up with you, but I've lost a couple of best friends over the years, and it sucks. That doesn't begin to describe it, (gut-wrenching and some other slew of adjectives would be better), but the point is that you need to accept that you are gonna be miserable for a little while, but things slowly start to turn around. It takes time, but it slowly gets easier, you make new friends, but you still remember everything that you went through with them. Someday you may be friends again, but you can't let it stop you from enjoying what life, and the people around you, have to offer. Now, you probably think I'm crazy for sending you this out of the blue, but its always been my mantra to help others with things I've dealt with. You can ignore this, forward my insanity to anyone, but I hope that things turn out well for you." Advice? :/

26th Jan 2012, 07:28 AM	#2
Anonymous Posting Anonymously Posts: 34,191 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: To help an acquaintance or not? I don't think you sound crazy, sometimes reaching out to people can really help.

26th Jan 2012, 09:17 AM	#3
Sheyceli lieks Mudkipz Full Member Gender: physically female Orientation: homoromantic asexual Out Status: one friend Location: Michigan Age: 16 Posts: 541 Join Date: Mar 2011	Re: To help an acquaintance or not? I would say to go ahead and tell him your thoughts on the situation. I doubt that the thought of you being the "crazy, gay stalker" will come to mind when he sees this note from you. All I can say is that, be there for him as much as he is comfortable with. I know if I were in his shoes and had just lost a best friend, I wouldn't care who the comfort comes from, I would just be happy that someone is showing that they care. __________________ "Special doesn't have many kids, so the class is very close. The family feeling is greater here than anywhere else. They call us "weirdos" and "trash", but that doesn't mean anything. Don't struggle to keep up a facade for rankings or fitting in. Just live your life to the fullest!" -T. A.

26th Jan 2012, 11:20 AM	#4
Lexington The gay gargoyle EC Advisor Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Colorado Age: 42 Posts: 12,361 Join Date: Dec 2007	Re: To help an acquaintance or not? My personal thought - and that's all it is - is that that's a bit of a wall of text coming from somebody he doesn't know that well, especially if it's known that you had a crush on him. If I were in a similar situation, I'd certainly reach out, but I'd keep it short. "Sorry to hear - hope things start looking up soon!" Just something like that. But if you're well-known for writing longer messages, it probably wouldn't be any big deal. Lex