How do I break this habit?

[Anonymous]

I guess the short way to say this is that I push people away before they can push me away. I've been burned before but so have most other people and they can manage. I just don't understand why I do this, it's not even with just relationships, it happens with friends and even family members. I don't want to be alone my entire life and I'm really scared that it will be that way. Does anyone have any experience with this, or know how to overcome this behavior?

[insidehappy]

i actually have done this before. it centered around low self esteem. inside you feel unworthy. you feel like eventually if someone gets to know the real you, they wont like you. you feel like, you may not be good enough or that the other person is actually better than you and you're not worthy of them so you will sabatoge the situation before they get wind to the fact that they really don't want to be around you.

as you can see, this is centered in a low self esteem and poor self image root.

to get over this, you have to let people in. sounds easier said than done but you have to address the reason why you are pushing people away. if it is because of low self esteem, what can you do to feel better about yourself. work on that and then start you accept the fact that whether they end up pushing you away in the end or not, your'e still good on your own. give people a chance and do not be quick to rush and say "ok, they are going to reject me".

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by insidehappy

i actually have done this before. it centered around low self esteem. inside you feel unworthy. you feel like eventually if someone gets to know the real you, they wont like you. you feel like, you may not be good enough or that the other person is actually better than you and you're not worthy of them so you will sabatoge the situation before they get wind to the fact that they really don't want to be around you.

as you can see, this is centered in a low self esteem and poor self image root.

to get over this, you have to let people in. sounds easier said than done but you have to address the reason why you are pushing people away. if it is because of low self esteem, what can you do to feel better about yourself. work on that and then start you accept the fact that whether they end up pushing you away in the end or not, your'e still good on your own. give people a chance and do not be quick to rush and say "ok, they are going to reject me".

Wow!.. Wow.. (Oprah Winfrey) Thats me!! ...

I have built my self esteem up, but AS SOON as I get into it.. I fall back down :/

[Z3ni]

^

[insidehappy]

Originally Posted by Z3ni

^

it happens to us all. even very attractive people have low self esteem. they get so used to everyone desiring them that it becomes a drug. they need the rush of someone feeding their ego, so if someone doesn't do that, they go to a low self esteem place. also somtiems that use people over and over again to feel the rush. so no matter if your a supermodel or a baby troll (noone is really a troll), everyone goes through this.

self esteem however, is not temporary. you may have ups and downs a lil but when you have good self esteem you do not typically frequent and deep bouts of low self image. so it woudl seem to indicate that you're merely putting a nice bandaid on teh larger issue.

only you know the source of the low self esteeem. search yourself. listen in the quiet to get real with yourself on why you suffer low self esteem. if is regaridng something in the past? is it regarding appearance, is it regarding sexual orientation? who knows. but you do. you do not need to answer that here, but it is the first step to doing the inner work needed so you can feel better about yourself and sustain it.