Nyc

[Anonymous]

I've been questioning my sexuality for quite some time. I'm a very private person, so I haven't actually ever been with a man - be it kissing or otherwise.

I want to expose myself more to the gay scene, gay lifestyle, but I'm so uncomfortable with the idea of going to a gay bar or nightclub.

This is in NO WAY soliciting to meet up or trying to violate the policy by asking locations etc. But, I was wondering if anyone had a recommendation of streets, coffee shops, restaurants that might be cool for me to hang around and just people watch? I know this is a bit of a bizarre question, but I figured I'd ask.

[Anonymous]

Honey, you can watch people from any coffee shop or park. But if you really want to watch the gay ones, then sit across the street from a gay bar or club. I'm not from New York, so I couldn't make any suggestions.

Supposedly 10% of the population is gay, so if you sit anywhere, you'll already be watching some gay people. It might just be a bit difficult to know which ones are gay. Moreover, no everybody who goes to a gay club is actually gay. Ironic truth I learned from a mofo I used to know. Anyways, New York is a nice place, so just order an expresso and sit back.

[starfish]

Humm... Trying to figure out why this is anonymous. I've never been to NYC, but usually when I visit a new city I good city name gay and city name gay village. I usually try to get a hotel within walking distance of the gay village so I am explore without having to worry about driving and parking.

[Sunsetting]

depending on your age, the village or chelsea - tons of restaurants & cafes

but google pflag new york and the LGBT center on 13th street too - tons of activities there

[TheRoof]

Chelsea is like the gay hub of the City...also meatpacking district, and the Village.
Honestly, you can probably google and find out all the places where gay New Yorkers hang out. Shouldn't be too hard since NY is full of LGBT community. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

if you are looking for a little "exposure' to the gay scene but not really ready for a full on bar or club, my recommendation is to go to a restaurant that has a bar in a gay area. if you are in the closet you most likey do not want to be identified as gay and you still may want to "test the waters" without fully coming out. the restaurant in a gay area that has a bar is a good testing zone. because there will be gays in teh restaurant eating and some straights to of course and there will be gay waiters and the people at the bar would be "gay friendly". you can go to the bar (if you are of legal age to drink) and get a drink or a non alocholoic one and take in the sights. see if you feel comfortable there. and if isn't want you want to pursue, then you just had a drink a restaurant...no biggie.

nyc has a vibrant gay community and several gay enclaves like many have mentioned before. just get off the train in the gay areas and walk around and pop into bars or restaurants aor lounges you think are cool. if you feel weird leave.

clubs are a different animal all together. strippers will usually be there. i would not advise you to go alone because it's going to be too much for you to take in and if people try and hit on you, you may feel umcomfortable. however, you can totally go alone if you want and it wont be a big deal but just watch your drink and if someone comes onto you and your'e not interest just politley tell them you have a boyfriend or you're not interested.

if you're new to things i woudl suggest

1. restaurant with a bar in a gay area.
2. coffee shop in a gay area.
3. then move up to a bar in a gay area
4. then move up to a club in a gay area

and always you can skip the bars adn clubs and go for a more non clubby experience by contacting your local lbgt center and asking them what events they have coming up and going there. but this may be less anonymous than poppin in and out of a club or bar. but the caliber of people may be better at the lbgt non clubby places.

[nydtc]

Also try a gay bar in the late afternoon or early evening - it is a much more relaxed scene.
If you are into sports NYC has a few sports themed gay bars ( Boxers and Gym) that have a more "local bar" feel then a gay dance bar.
I also agree with the bar in a restaurant idea.

[Lexington]

If you're in the NYC area, you can go get one of the gay alt-weekly papers. (Denver has two, so I'm assuming New York has a couple hundred. ) Just flip through them, and see if anything catches your eye - gallery events, volleyball leagues, you name it.

Lex

[Anonymous]

Awesome suggestions guys. Really appreciate it. I actually really like that bar in restaurant idea. Seems to fit really well with where I am in my process. I've been googling a bit, and I haven't found any place in particular that seems appealing. I guess I could walk through the village, hell's kitchen, chelsea?

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

Awesome suggestions guys. Really appreciate it. I actually really like that bar in restaurant idea. Seems to fit really well with where I am in my process. I've been googling a bit, and I haven't found any place in particular that seems appealing. I guess I could walk through the village, hell's kitchen, chelsea?

there was one that i went to that was reallyyyyy cool. it had a real loungey vibe. all the bartenders seemed hot but it wasnt' a "gay bar' feeling. it was just a restaurant. i even saw some of the bartenders being very "friendly to each other" which let me know they were comfortable and were just poking fun. it wasn't anything in appriopriate. the food was good and there tons of people eating adn some were straight , some were gay and some you weren't sure about. i do not think we can give names to restaurants here but i would just suggest that you get some nice walking shoes and go wlaking around the gay area...village or chelsea or hells kitchen. look for places that seem vibrant and there are a lot of people there. keep in mind that just becvuase it's in the gay area doesn't mean it's gay. so you may end up going somewhere very "straight" lol. but that's ok. you're just trying to get comfortable. the walking may actually end up being more helpful to you then the actual place.

here's a trick. if you are unsure of if you really want to waste that drink money at a place that you're not really going to like or where there may not be a lot of gay people there, what you can do is just go in, ask to see a menu. Scan the menu but really take the time to scan the joint and see if you can see guys on dates eating or guy that may be gay at the bar, etc. then if so, you can just say "i think i'll sit at teh bar" . if you don't see anything you like, you can just ok, i just wanted to chekc out the menu and i'll come back another time. thank you. and leave. that way, you don't waste your money sipping on a drink that isn't going to give you much to look at. then you can do this several times until you find a place you like or until you get tired of walking. lol.

[Anonymous]

also, when you go, make a goal for yourself. the goal can be something really simple like:

1. I will actually go and sit down adn have a drink (soda or alcoholic bev if you're old enough).

2. If someone is sitting next to me, i will strike up conversation with them or ask them a question.

3. I will ask one person if they have a recommendation for a good (insert type of food) restaurant in the area?

4. I will ask the bartender if he/she knows of another really good bar in the area that is kinda low key and relaxed. (this may be harder to do becasue they may ask you if you want a gay or straight bar or if you're gay or straight).

5. If i see someone that is flirting with me, i will smile.

also, another trick is: once you realize this is the place you want to stay, before you go and get a seat at the bar, ask the front person where the resttroom is and go to teh restroom even if you do not have to go. you are doing this to allow yourself to visually scan who's in the restaurant, if you see people on dates, etc. also, you may see someone you think is cute and that noticing you and thinks you're cute too. when you leave the restroom grab a seat at the bar. now you will have a better idea who is in the restaurant besides just the bar area.

whatever your goal is, just make a little goal for yourself. you have to do this to make progress and feel more comfortable. bit by bit, it will make you feel less scared and weird.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

also, when you go, make a goal for yourself. the goal can be something really simple like:

1. I will actually go and sit down adn have a drink (soda or alcoholic bev if you're old enough).

2. If someone is sitting next to me, i will strike up conversation with them or ask them a question.

3. I will ask one person if they have a recommendation for a good (insert type of food) restaurant in the area?

4. I will ask the bartender if he/she knows of another really good bar in the area that is kinda low key and relaxed. (this may be harder to do becasue they may ask you if you want a gay or straight bar or if you're gay or straight).

5. If i see someone that is flirting with me, i will smile.

also, another trick is: once you realize this is the place you want to stay, before you go and get a seat at the bar, ask the front person where the resttroom is and go to teh restroom even if you do not have to go. you are doing this to allow yourself to visually scan who's in the restaurant, if you see people on dates, etc. also, you may see someone you think is cute and that noticing you and thinks you're cute too. when you leave the restroom grab a seat at the bar. now you will have a better idea who is in the restaurant besides just the bar area.

whatever your goal is, just make a little goal for yourself. you have to do this to make progress and feel more comfortable. bit by bit, it will make you feel less scared and weird.

^^^^ as i'm sure you're aware at any bar or restaurant whether straight or gay, never leave your drink unattended. so if you need to use the restroom wait to order your drink until you get back. don't order before becvause the bartender will have it sitting there and you dont know who has done anything to it.

[Anonymous]

Stonewall Inn is chill.

It's an important historical site in the gay rights movement and they have a fun drag show upstairs sometimes. It's also a super gay neighborhood, so any coffee shop around there should be ripe for people-watching.

THE STONEWALL INN