Were you sexually abused/raped?

[Anonymous]

I know that there are a number of people on here who have been abused or similar, and I'd like to get an idea of how many of us there are. In the poll, tick as many things as apply to you, and there is an option for if you are unsure about anything that happened to you. Many warm and safe s to everyone who has gone through abuse/rape.

[Anonymous]

Drat, polls dont' seem to work in Anonymous. Well, here are the options I was hoping to use; sice we are no longer confined to checkboxes, feel free to elaborate on anything (not overly graphically, though) and add options I have forgotten.

• I was sexually abused/raped as a child (roughly <13)
• I was sexually abused/raped as a teen (roughly 13-19)
• I was sexually abused/raped as an adult (roughly 20+)
• My abuser/rapist was a family member (e.g. sibling, parent, or cousin)
• My abuser/rapist was a friend, close or distant
• My abuser/rapist was a partner, lover, boy/girlfriend, etc.
• My abuser/rapist was in a position of power over me (e.g. parent, boss, or teacher)
• My abuser/rapist was a stranger or distant acquaintance
• I was abused/raped by multiple people
• I am unsure if I have been abused/raped (also select fitting options from above)

The options I would have picked are:
I was sexually abused/raped as a child (roughly <13)
My abuser/rapist was a family member (e.g. sibling, parent, or cousin)

Again, my support goes out to anyone in this thread.

[Eleanor Rigby]

I fixed the poll for you

[Anonymous]

Well, no I can't say any of the above describes me... I'm not sure if you were also looking to "No, I was never sexually abused/raped"...

[Chip]

This is a subject that's near to my heart. Statistically (and depending on whose study you read) about 1 in 3 women, and 1 in 6 men are sexually abused in childhood. But when you break the statistics down further, most studies seem to indicate a higher correlation between being a gay male and being sexually abused. (As far as I know, there's no equivalent higher correlation for female abuse survivors.) Male members are also statistically less likely to disclose, so the numbers for men may be even higher than 1 in 6.

Now before anybody jumps to the conclusion that being abused made you gay... there's no evidence to support that, and a substantial amount of evidence to the contrary. The people who have written that are the ones who confuse causation and correlation.

But be that as it may, it does say that the EC population is likely to have a higher-than-average incidence of sexual abuse, at least among our male members.

There are a lot of issues that can carry on for a very long time associated with being abused, so I'm glad that it's been brought up. Those issues can be dealt with through therapy, but the longer the abuse survivor goes without working through the issues, the harder it is and the longer it takes. So I encourage anyone that's dealing with this issue, and perhaps has never told anyone, to think about it, read about, talk about it. If anyone wants any references for books to read or other resources, please PM me.

[Anonymous]

How would one determine that ratio, considering that there is no option in the poll for those who were NEVER sexually abused (such as myself). There is nothing to compare the numbers to.

[Anonymous]

When I was younger (about 5 or 6) I was best friends with this girl who was about 10 or 11. One day she asked me if I wanted to play a game called "Romance". She then had me do very sexual things to her and would say things like "Dont you want to have a baby someday? Then you have to do this". One day my mom walked in on us doing some stuff.

Sometimes I worry that this wasnt sexual abuse, and I am stupid for feeling upset about it, but it really screwed me up as a child. I remember crying myself to sleep for years because I felt so guilty about it.

I still dont know if this is really sexual abuse, or not but I know it really affected my childhood.

[Anonymous]

I was sexually and physically abused multiple times. most prevalent was when i was 16 and homeless.

[Anonymous]

I was never sexual abused or any other kind of abused for that matter.

Sometimes I do feel really guilty because I know so many people(actually the majority of people I know) that have been and it just feels terrible. I often have dreams about it happening to me but I think that's me trying to identify with everyone around me, and I do which is why I care about so many different people. All in all, It leaves me extremely fearful.

(Never told anyone this)

I'm especially worried about my gf. She was raped a few years ago and she's afraid its going to happen again. It eats away at me every day, but I know it hurts her even more, and I want to kill that son of a bitch who did it because she still sees him sometimes and I want her to be safe. I know I could protect her but I'm not with her all the time so there's nothing I could do unless I'm with her.

I'm also really worried about my baby cousin. Her dad sexually abused my mom for 9 years and now..he's my cousins dad. I was praying that he wouldn't have a girl when I found out his gf was with child. I feel so guilty that we can't do anything about it now. I hate him, but I hate more that nobody is doing a thing and everyone fucking knows what he did! And its not in my place to warn her or the mother! And nobody will believe me and if they do they will continue to do NOTHING. I hate that there's so much ugly and filth inside human beings.

I want to fight for all of the victims.

[Anonymous]

can an option for "not having been sexually abused" be added?

[Lexington]

Either I was not abused, or I've blocked the memory out completely.

Lex

[Chip]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

I still dont know if this is really sexual abuse, or not but I know it really affected my childhood.

There's no question it was abuse. It is also likely that the person who abused you was, herself, abused, as a normal 11 year old would not seek to act out sexual activity in that way.

As you've discovered, the guilt, shame, boundary violations, and other factors can have a very deep and long-lasting effect, and they tend to affect you in ways you would never have expected (in how you view relationships, and in life and work situations.)

But one of the most powerful "disinfectants" is talking about it. Therapy is ideal, but just sharing the feelings, either here at EC, or in a peer counseling or support group, can do wonders.

[Paper Heart]

I was raped by either a friend or a stranger, I don't know yet. I'm working on finding out myself, as I never reported it. I chose raped as a teen, as I was 18 at the time. I also chose friend and stranger, as it could be either. I have both in my suspect pool.

I was however, conflicted as to whether put that they were in a position of power because of how my rape occurred. I was very drunk, quite possibly drugged with GHB, so I lost control of the power situation and was taken to my room and raped in my bed. This was 5 months ago, and I am just starting to heal now.

[Anonymous]

I was about 5 or 6 and my older brother molested me, he's 7 years older then me. There wasn't any penetration or if there was I've managed to block it out. I've never told anyone before. I'm in my early 20's now and it still effects me to this day.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I'm sorry I forgot to include a "not" option – I was mainly wondering how many of us there are, rather than about a ratio. Thank-you for fixing the poll, Cecile!

Personally, I'm finding it hard to think about how the US has changed its definition of rape (from something like "carnal knowledge of a female by force without consent" to include oral and anal rape, with any gender of perpetrator and victim); this means that one could argue my brother raped me repeatedly as a child. I don't like to consider that.

Has anyone here ever told anyone? My mother knows, but only because she was snooping through my journal. Gosh that conversation was awful.

[Anonymous]

Nope never told a sole, I'm rather ashamed of it.

[Anonymous]

yes I did when I was 12 with that it screwed up my teenage years.

[Chip]

Statistically, most boys go many, many years before they tell anyone. Girls are often slightly more willing to tell.

But particularly when it happens in childhood, the children are told to absolutely never tell anyone or terrible things will happen... they will be beaten or killed, their families hurt, etc. And children are programmed to believe adults so... they believe it.

Sometimes when they do tell, right afterwards, it feels really awful, like something terrible will happen, and that's the unconscious bringing up what they were told as a child.

The important thing to know is that no matter what it was not your fault. Never, ever, under any circumstances. Regardless of what you may have been told to the contrary. That's one of the hardest things to unlearn when processing abuse, because we are either directly told by the abuser that it's our fault, or we come to believe that if we had not done _________________, or if we had resisted more, or something... that it wouldn't have happened. But the truth is... a child is no match for an adult. Even if it happens when you are a young adult, there is almost always a huge imbalance in power that allows it to happen.

And it's these false beliefs... that somehow it was our fault... that give rise to the shame. But the healing of the shame, as I said above, comes from talking about it. And I have the utmost respect for those who have opened up here about it, and even more so for those who are opening up for the first time.

For anyone who needs it, the advisor team is here to help you talk about these sorts of issues. Male sexual abuse is an area I've got a fair amount of knowledge about, so I'm completely comfortable discussing it, and I believe that several of our other staff members also are comfortable with it, so message any of us if you need help.

[Anonymous]

I was sexually abused when I was about 15 years old,im 17 now.It hurts and im glad u made this poll.

[Anonymous]

Originally Posted by Anonymous

OP here.

I'm sorry I forgot to include a "not" option – I was mainly wondering how many of us there are, rather than about a ratio. Thank-you for fixing the poll, Cecile!

Personally, I'm finding it hard to think about how the US has changed its definition of rape (from something like "carnal knowledge of a female by force without consent" to include oral and anal rape, with any gender of perpetrator and victim); this means that one could argue my brother raped me repeatedly as a child. I don't like to consider that.

Has anyone here ever told anyone? My mother knows, but only because she was snooping through my journal. Gosh that conversation was awful.

Told a couple people a week or two after it happened. The first didn't believe me the other made me feel badly about it, told me it didn't happen and not to talk about it. About 14 years latter I told a therapist.