new and need some advice

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone,
I'm new here and I have a problem. This is going to take some time to explain but I'm dying to get it off my chest!!
I'm 30 years old I have 2 kids, a dog, a house, the white picket fence. My husband and I are getting divorced. The separation has got me thinking about what I want out of life. I have been with my husband for 15 years. He's the only guy I've ever been with. I'm not particularly attracted to guys never had been. But have always been attracted to girls. I thought it was normal to think girls were pretty and I'm very loving person so I've always been close with my female friends.
In the past year I met a girl. She's amazing, I wanted to be near her every minute when we met. She's so beautiful, and she truly understands me. We joke around that we're soul mates, but I actually believe it. Its kinda sad actually cause she's in a happy relationship with a great guy. I have accepted that we will be best friends and that's the extent of our relationship but its kinda opened my heart. I keep looking back on my life and see clue that I've always been a lesbian but I just hid it from myself.
But I'm scared to come out. I'm scared for my friends and family to find out! I wish I could have been honest about my feelings when I was young, but then I wouldn't have had the amazing children I have now so perhaps fates a funny thing.
I don't know what my next move should be. I feel like I've turned on a tap or drew open the shades and I can't stop the momentum of my feelings. If anyone has any words of encouragement or advice I could really use it about now. I'm feeling utterly alone.

[Lexington]

Welcome to EC!

Your next move? Probably just get used to it some more. Signs point to you being a lesbian, so why not just try it on for awhile? You don't have to tell anybody else about it. Just "think lesbian thoughts", check out women if you'd like, fantasize all you'd like. You might also want to hang out here a bit, and interact with some other gay people. It seems doing so helps people feel better about themselves and their situation. What to tell your family, your soon-to-be-ex, your kids, your friends - that can all wait. Work on getting yourself to a better spot first.

Lex

[silverhalo]

Hey I agree with Lex, just try it out, you could also check out an LGBT group in your area if you have the time, you dont have to tell anyone straight away. When you do get to a point where you want to tell your family and friends you dont have to tell them you think you were always gay if you dont want to, if you get to the point where you meet a special girl you can just say she opened your eyes to it or stole your heart.

[Anonymous]

Hank you so much! Your advice makes me feel much better! I don't know why I feel the need to rush things along, I think I'll just sit back and let things move forward organically. I must say though, it felt pretty good just to tell someone! So thanks again for listening.

[Lexington]

It's what we're here for.

Lex

[Jim1454]

You're not alone at all. I was in my mid 30s before I figured this out. I had been married for 9 years and had 2 beautiful daughters. I was scared to death.

Fast forward 5 years. I have a great relationship with my ex wife. We continue to parent our children as a team. She has remarried. I have remarried - to a man this time! He has 2 kids as well, and our "new age Brady Bunch" is working out just fine.

There were a lot of stages and steps that I took over those 5 years. Generally though, people were very supportive and were happy that I had figured this all out in order to be truly happy. But go at your own pace. It will all work out.

Feel free to reach out to me directly if you want to talk one on one. (As a member of the staff I can receive 'private messages' from new members.)