i've found myself ending a lot of non productive friendships lately

[Anonymous]

can someone lend advice. i moved to a new large city a few years ago and i would met many acquaintances through professional organizations and such but it always seemed like it was a lot of work to get them to hang out. i felt like i had to put work in, in order to plan a time when we could hang out. most of these people were "straight" as i was not out.

after coming to terms with liking guys i started going to the club scene sometimes, i would meet people there but none really became real "friends". some did though and i still talk to them from time to time.

overall now, i feel like i need a new friend group. basically if i do not reach out to them, my phone will not ring or i will not receive a text from them. so i have to constantly ask people to hang out which gets old. so lately i have just started deleting them from my phone and if someone does ask me to hang out i just make an excuse. partly because they do not know about me being into guys and partly becuase i just do not feel like going to straight bars and clubs anymore. i would rather stay at home. i only agree to go somewhere with them now if i want to actually go to the place, other than that, i decline.

do you think its wrong? and how do you meet new friends.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's wrong. It's only natural to decline if you genuinely do not want to go someplace that doesn't interest you, even if friends are going.

A few things about making new friends in a [fairly] new city.

• Eat alone in public - Though it might feel awkward, you're much easier to approach when you're alone. People who would normally approach you are more worried about interrupting when you're with someone else or a group of people.
• Strike up conversations - When you're more open, people generally feed off of that and are more willing to talk. If you're waiting in line for something, try starting a conversation with the person in front of you. Try searching the internet for some good conversation starters if you struggle to think of some yourself.
• Go to [gay] clubs - Dance! Again, when you're alone people find it easier to approach and you might even strike up a conversation on the dance floor.
• Attend group events - Look online or in newspapers and such to see if there are any events coming up around you and attend the ones that interest you. It'll be where lots of other people are and they'll have something or things in common with you!
• Join a gym - If you're into working out, you might find a workout buddy.
• Volunteer - There are always things to volunteer for, especially in a big city, and you're almost bound to find someone to make a connection with.
• Let other people know you're new in town - There's a possibility that they'll have someone to introduce you to or suggestions for places to go to meet new people, especially if they've lived there for a long while.

Hope this helps a bit. Good luck!