I am Confused!

[Anonymous]

I am really confused and I need help!

I am still plagued by my sexuality. I was practically 'outed' as being gay in my early twenties.. it was uncomfortable and hard at first, but I accepted it. I went out, experimented and I guess 'tried to do the gay thing' for a while. This was 3 years ago. Then I sort of got over it, folded up the gay thing and put it in my back pocket.

Out of all but 1 of the encounters I had with guys over the years, I had troubles getting and maintaining errections. My experience of gay sex is pretty much central to oral/handjobs/kissing etc. I did bottom once and it was OK, but still, erection difficulties.

There was only ever 2 encounters with guys I have had not had difficulties.. the first I was quite young with a close friend (which led me to believe I was gay), the other (after I came out) with a bi-guy I knew briefly, but afterwards lost contact.

The only other time I haven't had trouble getting it up was when I slept with a female friend years and years ago..yes that’s right, a girl! .. all those encounters not getting hard with men, when it is guys I grew up fantasising about..I am so confused. I don't know if I should be out as gay if this is how I feel and its causing me ongoing stress.. People have even told me point blank that I'm not gay or I can't be gay, and I haven't really been that successful to prove them wrong.. I need advice..

[silverhalo]

Hey obviously im no expert in these matters, but im thinking maybe it was the situations you were putting yourself in rather than the gender of the person that was the problem. I know I like girls, but I also know that if I went to a club and hooked up with a girl and then went back to her house, I would be so self conscious I wouldnt want to do anything, even if I was attracted to her. You didnt really say exactly how you met these guys but from what you said it doesnt sound like you were in long term relationships with people. It is perfectly normal for someone gay or straight to only beable to perform in a situation they feel comfortable in, some people can only do this with people they have gotten to know quite well perhaps this is the same for you.